Where are you when we need you Bill Cooper?

Diebold? No, you DIE-NOW! What a kwinky-dink! Athan Gibbs, a vocal opponent of Diebold voting systems and the inventor of the TruVote voting system (with verifiable paper receipts) mysteriously died almost two weeks ago when an 18-wheeler collided with his Chevy Blazer and rolled it several times before pushing it over the highway retaining wall.

Holy Living Fuck! Could Rick Santorum Be Right?! I laughed when he said that legalizing gay marriage would open the doors to legal incest and beastiality, but the state of Massachusetts' Supreme Judicial Court ruled yesterday that a state law against incest doesn't apply to step-parents and that it was up to the Legislature to change it. The case involved a 60-year old Dorchester man accused of having sex with his 15-year old stepdaughter. I feel sick. Thanks Massachusetts for putting me on the same side of offended with fucking Pat Robertson.

It's Back On Philly Peeps! Get Ready To Launch Your Drinks at Reality TV Fuckers. After a deal brokered by the mayor of Philadelphia and the Governor of Pennsylvania, MTV was convinced to bring The Real World back to the city of brotherly love. Speaking of bastards in Philly, Urban Outfitters is in trouble again, this time for stocking a "dress up Jesus" item in it's overpriced McHipster stores. The magnetic messiah can be dressed up in a hula skirt or a devil costume, and the sign above the cross can be changed to read "Hang in There!" or "TGIF." I'm now convinced that half the stock carried there is just a ploy by the UO PR department to get free publicity.

I Don't Feel Tardy A five-year old (in what state? Florida!) brings a bag of pot into school and sprinkles it on a classmate's lasagne. He immediately gets played out when a 4-year old from Indianapolis gets busted for bringing in $10,000 worth of crack into his preschool.

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-The Sikh Geek, The Most High and Sovereign Grand Cosmic Overlord of the Way Way Back Machine