Saturday, July 31, 2004

This Just Ain't Right

Straight Outta Basrah!
A US soldier, Sgt. 1st Class James Williams, was recently convicted for carjacking an Iraqi sheik's SUV while on duty. According to his defense, Williams had no idea that he couldn't just take a civilian's vehicle. "In his mind there was nothing wrong with doing it."

This Summer's Roadtrips Are Gonna Be A Fucking Blast During the DNC in Boston, a Sikh student from BC was detained for seven hours by the Secret Service for taking photographs of his campus. According to the article, Sundeep Sahni was told by a SS agent during his interrogation "I don't want you pulling an Uzi from your turban."

No, The Polish Hamzah Ali Khan In Arizona the W team insisted on knowing the race of a photojournailst from the Arizona Daily Star who was assigned to photograph Cheney at a rally. The rally's organizer, Christine Walton, asked the ADS editors the race of the photog because it "was necessary to allow the Secret Service to distinguish her from someone else who might have the same name." I don't know about you, but I always get confused at the legion of people named "Mamta Popat" I encounter everyday. Is this the security we live under post 9-11? Gradeschool stereotypes about "weird names" and "funny feelings" about men with beards? I feel safer already.

That Same Great Instability With A New Kick Of Massive Opium Production! "A British parliamentary committee has warned that Afghanistan is likely to 'implode, with terrible consequences' unless more troops and resources are sent to calm the country. The all-party Foreign Affairs Select Committee, in a report released Thursday, said warlord violence and the struggle between U.S.-led troops and insurgents continues to be a threat to security in Afghanistan. The wide-ranging report on the war against terrorism also said raised concerns over the failure of the UK government and its allies to limit the production of opium in Afghanistan."

-The Sikh Geek, tying his turban over his AK-47

Friday, July 30, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Go, Balloons!

We Have Met the Enemy, and He is Us So, you think John Kerry gave a good speech last night? You think Edwards gave one Wednesday? You think the Democrats did a good job of parrying the attack from the Republicans and the media and had a well-managed convention? You fool - you're obviously not a real liberal! Because over in the Village Voice, something called Ward Harkavy is raving about the how Democrats didn't perform abortions on stage and call for the slaughter of Jenna and Barbara. It's a good thing people like this aren't actually in positions of power, and confine their political activity to getting locked in cages called "free speech zones" outside conventions.

Why Don't You Deltas Just Take Some Soma? Ah, the life of a compassionate conservative. A Bush campaign official, transferring a phone call from a reporter with a question about job quality, thought she wasn't heard when she groused that American workers unhappy with their jobs should "just take Prozac." Hey, maybe we would, if there were such a thing as a decent prescription drug benefit plan in this country.

Like the Founding Fathers, But More Bloodthirsty and Dictatorial Iraq's exciting new take on freedom apparently includes one that even we don't have here in the supposed homeland of democracy: the freedom not to criticize the prime minister. Iyad Allawi has set up a censorship committee which vows to shut down any media outlets that broadcast or print "unwarranted critcism" of the prime minister. As a service to Iraqi journalists, here is an excercise showing the difference between "warranted" and "unwarrantd" criticism of Allawi: UNWARRANTED - "Prime Minister Allawi is an ineffective leader whose only agenda seems to be serving the interests of the American occupation authority." WARRANTED - "Prime Minister Allawi is so generous, wise, handsome, and strong that he sometimes makes other men ashamed of their own worthlessness."

Wanted: Guy to Help President Bush II Hide Secret, Illegal Stuff Done by President Bush I Here's an interesting story. John Carlin, official Archivist of the United States, was forced to resign last December by the Bush administration, which refuses to give a reason for the move (in open defiance of federal law, which requires the administration to provide a reason for removing an Archivist to Congress). Apparently, the Bush gang wants a more pliant archivist in the job, because a huge number of Bush I's papers are scheduled to go on the public record in January. I wonder what they're so desperate to keep hidden.

Iran Invasion Deathwatch: Day 7 Today, Secretary of State Colin Powell (My Lai/Iran Contra/"nexus of poisons and terror") said he thinks the uncertain state of Iran's nuclear program will have to be brought to the United Nations Security Council for a vote. "It is our judgment that Iran is developing a nuclear weapon," Powell said. "The world has to take note of this." A UN Security Council condemnation, of course, could pave the way for military action. Does any of this sound familiar? And, after Iraq, why does Powell think he has any credibility on whether Middle Eastern nations are developing weapons of mass destruction?

-Consider Arms

Thursday, July 29, 2004

What The Fuck Are YOU Looking At?!

Yeah, I'm Sure Some Of Them Are Still "At Large" In the scariest news on female criminals since the vagina bomb, a gang of overweight shoplifting women has been terrorizing the South African port city of Dubar.

Kerry Smear Watch The fine folks at Snopes debunk an email circulating that claims Kerry "voted to kill every military appropriation for the development and deployment of every weapons systems since 1988." "A 22 February 2004 Republican National Committee (RNC) research briefing includes the list of weapons systems found in this message and citations that purportedly support the claim that Senator Kerry voted to kill each one. But all the citations stem from votes on three Congressional bills, none of which were about a specific weapons system or group of weapons systems."

End Of The World Watch A sunspot 20 times the size of Earth has been found on the sun, with the potential to launch a massive solar storm that would wreck havoc with satellites and flight patterns. And on the home front, ice is melting in Greenland at an increasing rate, up to one meter per month in some places.

TV Hits The Bottom And Bounces
Remember that skit on The Ben Stiller Show called "Amish Studs" that parodied the sleazy Mark DeCarlo dating show? Word to the wise: fight reality with parody and you will walk away bloody.

Call In Back Up! She's Nine! Police in Arizona are facing some heat after striking a handcuffed nine-year old girl (note: 4'7" tall weighing 85 lbs) with a taser. In defense of the police, the girl was screaming, swearing and "would not listen." I feel better about my child management skills already.

-The Sikh Geek

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

New Desk, Same Boring Job

No CA, THIS Is The Final Nail
I've got love for Target. And I've got love for Brooklyn, except Williamsburg of course. But this shit just makes me want to puke.

--MC No Shame
TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Obama, Not Osama.

Meanwhile, In War Number Two... With all the fun and scapegoating over that NASA photo of John Kerry (note: If Kerry wins, you guys will be lucky to get funding for a trip to Boise, let alone Mars), we had almost forgotten GW Bush's grandest experiment in democratic civilization-building. So, how goes it in Iraq? Well, as the link above shows, insurgents set off a car bomb that killed 68 people outside a police station in Baghdad, and as this link shows, unemployment in Iraq is now hovering around 70 percent. So, full steam ahead there, then.

Hell: Literally, Good for Business A study by the Federal Reserve shows that countries with a widespread belief in Hell, or in some type of punishment in the afterlife, have better economies than countries without such widespread belief. I don't know what that says about the Fed being in cahoots with Satan, but I do know that this is exactly the kind of thing I want the government to be spending money on.

Election Follies in Florida, Part 157284892 The Florida Secretary of State was forced to reveal, after a Freedom of Information request from a citizens' group, that computer crashes had destroyed touchscreen voting records collected during elections in 2002, effectively removing all trace of those elections from the system.

July Surprise? Yesterday, the local conservative radio talk show host boldly announced that today, John Ashcroft will hold a press conference announcing the capture of Osama Bin Laden, which would almost assuredly derail the Democratic convention and make Bush a shoo-in in November. For your edification, here's a story that a Pakistani newspaper reported back in April, saying that the Bush administration was putting serious pressure on Pakistani dictator Pervez Musharraf to capture Osama "by the end of July."

Shine On, You Crazy Diamond The surgical removal of Ann Coulter from the mainstream continues apace, as USA Today fires her from a weeklong stint writing columns from the Democratic National Convention. Not a single Coulter column ran in USA Today, because she refused to make changes suggested by the editors to her first one. This article plays nice, but I've read elsewhere that the problem with Coulter's column was that it was bizarre and "unreadable" in its attacks on Democrats, who were called "the spawn of Satan" in the column. The 40ish spinster is busy making the rounds on Fox News, calling herself a victim of censorship. A sample from the column, which can be found on Coulter's web site: "My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call 'women' at the Democratic National Convention." We will leave to the reader all conclusions as to why an unmarried, strident woman in her 40s who recently moved to Miami Beach to better her chances with "real men" is so excited about "pretty-girl allies."

-Consider Arms, insinuating nothing

Tuesday, July 27, 2004


Isaac Luria, Pauly Shore to Preside In what may be the final nail in the coffin of the venerable Jewish mystic tradition known as Kabbalah, pop sensation Britney Spears is planning to marry her betrothed in a "Kabbalah ceremony." Her Baptist parents are reportedly nonplussed, but a friend of hers optimistically opines, "Maybe there's a way to incorporate elements from both faiths, and make everyone happy." Here's how you make everyone happy: stop.

Return of the Mack I wasn't a particularly big fan of Bill Clinton's when he was in office, but damn if the old pulse didn't quicken during his speech last night. Let's hope the rest of the convention can rise to this level.

Did the Crips Donate a Whole Bunch of Money to the Bush Campaign or Something? This is a conclusion that even a moron could have drawn: If you take America's law enforcement resources and recommit huge sections of it to "fighting terrorism" while cutting the overall resource level, you're going to have to do that by paying less attention to other areas. Like, say, street gangs. Those urban menaces of the 1980s and early 1990s are back, and GW Bush is doing what every good Republican has since "law and order" became a wedge issue in the 1960s: he's getting tough on crime. No, wait, actually he's not: He's proposing to slash nearly $400 million in federal aid to local police departments (that's about 80 percent of the entire program) which are already struggling to contain the rising tide of gang violence.

Iran Invasion Deathwatch: Day 5 Iran has broken a deal with several European countries and the United Nations, and is once again building and testing machines that could produce fissile material for nuclear weapons. At last, the Bush administration is on a collision course with a regime it can identify with: Reckless, antidemocratic, and fundamentalist.

Well, That Was Fun While It Lasted In 1988, Michael Dukakis, the centrist governor of Massachusetts who was the Democratic Party's candidate for president, emerged from the July convention with a 15 point lead over his opponent, George Bush. He then immediately took a two-week vacation, allowing Bush to produce a wave of unanswered attack ads (Willie Horton, Boston Harbor, the Pledge of Allegiance) that sunk Dukakis' campaign. 16 years later, thank God we are so much smarter: John Kerry, a centrist senator from Massachusetts, plans to follow up the July convention by NOT RUNNING A SINGLE AD DURING THE MONTH OF AUGUST, essentially inviting his opponent, George Bush, to bury him under a tidal wave of negative ads. Mary Beth Cahill, the Kerry campaign manager, acknowledges the step is "risky." Substitute "risky" with "fucking idiotic" or "bordering on suicidal," and you're closer to the truth. Thanks, Massachusetts Democrats, for continuing your proud legacy of failure. We salute you, Governor Romney salutes you, and President Bush salutes you.

-Consider Arms

Monday, July 26, 2004


At Last, a Politician We Can All Support The residents of Florissant, Colorado have overwhelmingly re-elected incumbent mayor Paco Bell, a donkey. Bell, whose age is not given in the story, triumphed over a white donkey named Birdie and someone whose trailer broke down, disqualifying him from the election. While people might be tempted to poke fun, I actually think this is in a long, buried American tradition of healthy disrespect for the invariably crooked electoral process. After all, how much better than a donkey is the current "President"?

Good Vs. Evil: The Shopping Version While it's no surprise that Wal-Mart, force for all that is unholy in retail, is heavily invested in the Bush campaign (it gives more money to the Republican Party than any other company), it's a pleasant surprise to find that CostCo, Wal-Mart's virtuous rival, is headed by a Democrat who opposed the Iraq War and tax cuts. CEO Jim Sinegal is the only executive of a Fortune 500 company to donate money to independent groups seeking the ouster of Bush. Before you scoff, consider this: CostCo encourages union membership at its stores, pays for comprehensive health care for all 78,000 full-timers, starts employees at $10 an hour, and gives preference to products manufactured in the United States.

Thank You for Being a Friend One of the "stunning revelations" being played up in the 9/11 commission report is that Iran had more contacts with Al Qaeda than Iraq. Ignored so far by the US press is this: the report notes that Pakistan had far more extensive contacts with Al Qaeda than either Iran or Iraq, and the Times of India reports today that those contacts continue. According to the Times report, a leaked Pakistani ISI document shows that the country's intelligence service knew about 9/11 in advance, and that Osama Bin Laden is currently being treated at a Pakistani army hospital. Another note: Whereas Iran is alleged to be trying to develop nuclear weapons, Pakistan has successfully tested such weapons, and has threatened to use them in a war against India. So, let's recap: (1)ties to Al Qaeda (2)knowledge of 9/11 attacks in advance (3)possession of weapons of mass destruction. Keep this in mind in the next few days, when the Iran Invasion Deathwatch kicks into high gear.

Kerry: If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say... John Kerry's team is apparently forcing Democrat speakers at the convention this week to keep the Bush-bashing to a minimum. Before we gripe about how pussified this edict is, let's consider the Kerry team's points. First, they're worried about the conservative US media painting them as a bunch of wild-eyed fanatics; they don't want this to turn into a nasty disaster, a la the Republicans' crazy 1992 rantfest. On the other hand, isn't attacking your opponent something you're supposed to do at political conventions?

Iran Invasion Deathwatch: Day Four Reuters carries news of something called "The Iran Freedom and Support Act of 2004," a bill proposed by Sen. John Cornyn of Texas and Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania (you remember: the guy who was worried about dog-fucking). The act, which has not passed the senate yet, would allocate $10 million a year to fund "regime change" in Iran, modeled on a similar bill passed during the Clinton administration that provided part of the legal fig-leaf for the illegal invasion of that country last year. The wheels are turning...

-Consider Arms

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Sunday, Cause That's My Funday

Vocal Weapons For Out-Loud Wars So much for subtle diplomacy. A Republican lawmaker was blasted after being quoted in a newspaper, saying that the GOP would fare poorly this year if it failed to "suppress the Detroit vote."

The Dog Ate My Homework and Then Vomited Up An Improved, Edited Version
Remember Bush's sketchy service records from his brave stint guarding Texan airspace during the Vietnam War? Remember how those records were mysteriously "destroyed" when the Pentagon tried to track them down? Well, on Friday ("released on Friday" is code for "damaging shit we want to fly under the weekend radar") the Pentagon miraculously found those destroyed documents and blamed their apparent former destruction on an "inadvertent oversight." Could the Pentagon get this excuse-filled bullshit past a 10th grade biology teacher?

Hello, America? We're Fucking Gross. Krispy Kreme introduced its new line of frozen drinks on Wednesday, including a drinkable version of its signature donut that comes in at 730 calories for a large.

Ain't Karma A Bitch On Friday a special prosecutor charged Mexican ex-president Luis Echeverria with the deaths and disappearances of 280 protestors in 1971, as well as the Cabinet members and generals who ordered troops to fire on the leftist student protest in Mexico City. And in the land of rishis and sages, India, a retrial is one step closer to occurring for a case in May 2003 that ended in an acquittal for a Hindu mob who murdered 14 Muslims, burning two of them alive in bakery ovens.

Induce One To Vomit II: Anti-Betamax Bugaloo In the initial fury of anti-downloading indignation, Consider Arms and myself would reminisce about the early 80s uproar over cassette piracy ("Home Taping Is Killing Music!") and chuckle. The first witness called in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee for the INDUCE Act (Inducing Infringement of Copyrights Act), Marybeth Peters, amazingly called for the government to repeal the Betamax decision and hinted at the supposed quasi-legality of the VCR. Wow.

But He's In Pat Buchanan's Party While Taking GOP Money And Support This article from In These Times shows how Greens are smartly looking to the future by focusing on winning local elections and building a strong base, rather than fighting windmills in vanity runs for the presidency. The Greens advocate voting for their presidential candidate in cinched-up Democratic states and voting for Kerry in battleground states. "In the battleground states that will decide the election, we understand if you won’t vote for our ticket this time. That’s OK. A vote is a powerful and personal decision. You can register Green and support us in every other way possible, especially with votes for state and local Green candidates and contributions of your time and money."

End of the World Watch Solar flares a hundred times larger than imagined possible? The end of the earth's magnetic field? Changes in the earth's shape? Holy fuck.

-The Sikh Geek still can't believe that someone would actually call the Bush twins "young women who embody the future of our nation"

Friday, July 23, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: A Linda Ronstadt of Truth offending a Casino of Lies.

We Must Strike Now While Equatorial Guinea Is Weak! Fans of the Monster Limo's brand of curse-laden commentary will remember our "Iran Invasion Deathwatch" from last year. Is it time to start it again? Earlier this week, GW Bush called for an investigation into Iran's ties to 9/11, and now conservative columnists - as shown by this example - are calling for a "pre-emptive strike" on Iran before it develops nukes. Fans of ancient history will recall that this is exactly how they started building toward war with Iraq. As Orwell wrote, the war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be perpetual.

"But, But, But Wait - It Gets Worse!" - Onyx, 1994 Speaking of our great Shi'ite nemesis, the 9/11 panel has provided the third piece of the invasion puzzle: Al Qaeda links. According to the panel's goofy-ass report, Al Qaeda had/has way more connections with the mad mullahs in Teheran than it ever did with boring ol' socialist Saddam. Let's see: We've got (a) Reputed 9/11 links (b) Reputed contacts with Al Qaeda and (c) Reputed programs to develop weapons of mass destruction. Aren't those pretty much the magic ingredients that baked us the Iraq War Cake? That's it: The Iran Invasion Deathwatch is back on!

Dial-a-Catholic In addition to seeking church directories from evangelical Protestant churches, the Republican Party is hoping to attract pro-life Catholics to the ticket, and is asking Catholics to forward parish directories, which contain the names, addresses, and phone numbers of everyone in the parish. Never mind that parish directories are for church use only, and dioceses have issued strict instructions not to turn the directories over to the GOP: just one more example of those "conservatives" respecting "traditional values" by violating them.

Of Course The Government Had Something to Do With This Remember the story on "Task Force Sabre 7," the American group of "vigilantes" that was running a private jail and "fighting terrorists" in Afghanistan? Fans of U.S. intelligence blunders dating back to the Bay of Pigs can probably guess what's coming: Far from being a bunch of mixed nuts, the irregulars in Task Force Sabre 7 were, in fact, operating with the knowledge and support of the US in Afghanistan, as the government now concedes.

Scrooge to Cratchit: It's Your Fault Your Wages are Low Alan Greenspan, chairman of the Federal Reserve since 1923 and president of the Washington D.C. chapter of the Ayn Rand Book Club (true!), has come up with a novel spin on who's to blame for stagnant wages: we workers are to blame. Greenspan says we workers are "ill-prepared to take advantage of opportunities offered by the economy." That's funny; I thought I worked 45 hours a week for an employer that hasn't given a raise in 4 years because I work in a crooked industry full of cheapskates. I see now that it is really because I am unworthy of such opportunities as working at the CostCo that just opened in town. Thanks, Mr. Greenspan!

-Consider Arms, Lazy and Stupid Like All American Workers
When It's Time To Party We Will Party Hard

The Twilight Zone Of Blair's "Outer Limits" From earlier this week, British PM TOny Blaire admitted that he inflated the claim of Iraqi mass graves from 5,000 to 400,000. The week before Blair took responsibility for the Butler report which accused Downing Street of puhing intelligence to "the outer limits" to justify invading Iraq. Note to all lazy college students who plagerize and make shit up: you too can someday be a head of state.

As If The World Wasn't Scary Enough Scientists have now verified the existence of massive 10-storey tall freak waves believed to be behind the sinking of of supertankers and container ships.

The Country Of Fela Kuti Gets More Endearing A few yars ago rumours circulated in Nigeria that a handshake could cause sexual organs to disappear. Eventually mobs violently descended on people thought to have made bozacks vanish. The latest urban legend circulating in Lagos is that if you answer a call on your cell phone from a "killer number" you will die instantly, causing the country's mobile phone operators to reassure the public. They should get David Lee Roth on the case.

Hell Is The Abscence Of All Logic Remember that Salon article from the other day about the aseless freak-out over Syrian musicians flying from Detroit? Now witness this article heading from NewsMax, who as far as we know has the same access to newspapers and the internet as we do. "Last week NewsMax linked for several days to journalist Annie Jacobsen's widely reported eyewitness account of suspicious behavior by Arab men on a flight from the Muslim haven of Detroit to L.A. But her report is just the beginning."

Just When You Thought Ralph Nader Had The Most Worhtless Campaign

-The Sikh Geek

Thursday, July 22, 2004

I Have a New Favorite Baseball Player
So my recent experience with almost getting my ass kicked by a small angry mob for not standing up for the national anthem at a baseball game may make me particularly sensitive to the subject, but i hope this is something that will catch on.

Lil' Antonin is holed up in Cheney's bunker studying for the bar
TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Welcome Back to the Same Old Place That You Laughed About.

So The Reality TV Show Didn't Help at All? The US Army is now facing its lowest recruitment class in three years - or, since September 11 made a lot of young Americans want to join the military. It seems logical to suppose that this has something to do with the steady stream of dead and mangled soldiers returning from Iraq, but the army insists it actually reflects the way they keep their records. Sure it does.

9/11 Commission Report: It Was "Not Me" from the Family Circus Well, they might as well. The report of the bi-partisan commission concludes that it was "a failure of imagination" rather than governmental neglect that allowed the September 11 attacks to happen, which basically means that nobody who was in a position of responsibility on that date is going to be accountable in any way. To give you some idea of what a whitewash this is, the Republican chairman of the commission today thanked Bush "for unprecedented access to documents and cooperation from your administration." This becomes almost grimly comic in light of the administration's frantic attempts to stonewall, co-opt, and otherwise thwart the investigation. Appalling.

Notorious D.U.M.P.E.D. Margaret Cho has been kicked from her headlining slot at a Human Rights Campaign rally for John Kerry, apparently at the request of Kerry. While "activists" are apparently anguished by this, comparing it to the recent Linda Ronstadt/Whoopi Goldberg affairs, I have to say that Kerry (if it was indeed he) made the right call. Cho is a foul-mouthed bigot, and our side can do fine without her. Linda Ronstadt, though, is a GD national treasure.

Bitchcraft I don't want to make a big deal out of Jenna Bush's tongue-job, except to say that if this had been 1996, and it was Chelsea Clinton, the right wingers would still be talking about it today. The funniest thing is that conservatives are claiming she isn't "really" sticking her tongue out at the press. This is taking the Jedi Mind Trick Defense to insane new levels: folks, we have fucking eyes. It's not like you need to be a semiotician to properly interpret this photo.

Bush, Reality at Odds On Iran Ever since Marcus-Marcus forwarded me a version of this story earlier this week, I have not ceased wanting to vomit in terror. George Bush is now vowing to investigate links between 9/11 and Iran (as a matter of pure coincidence, I'm sure, Halliburton just disclosed this week that their dealings with Iran are currently the subject of a federal criminal investigation). Obvious question: Why haven't we heard a single fucking word about this until now? Do they really expect to get away with this? Will they?

-Consider Arms

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Calloo, Callay! After four and a half hours of doing battle with my computer, I think I've finally got things to where I can once again post from work. This would have been resolved sooner, but for obvious reasons, I couldn't exactly ask the guys in Tech Support for help. Anyway, to celebrate the return of Consider Arms, here's an article about surging gang violence.

-Consider Arms, welcome back like Kotter

A Spoiled Brat of Truth Sticking Her Tongue Out at a Press of Falsehood

Wouldn't Switching From "The War President" To "The Peace President" Technically Be Flip-Flopping? I want to be held under the covers by a dictionary and cuddled, cause I think I just got fucked by the Engligh language.

Why Yes. Yes They DO Really Talk Like That. "
The great argument of American civilization at this time is between those who covet our heritage and those who disdain our collective achievements. An example of this liberal Anglo-American antipathy to the accomplishments of Anglo-American civilization is on display in the new TNT mini-series 'The Grid.'" Tell me someone got PoliSci 105 credit for this...

Video Of John Stewart On Talking Points This is fantastic. How did the news channels end up delivering unintenional comedy, and the comedy channel end up delivering news?

Avoid The ParaNoid The law is looking for a man who photographed oil refineries in Texas City, Texas, fearing that he might be part of an al-Qaeda plot. According to the article, "
While it is not illegal to take pictures of a refinery from a highway or street, officials would like to talk to the man to find out his reason for taking the photographs." And in other illegal legal behavior, 14 Syrian musicians freaked out a Northwest flight from Detroit to Los Angeles by having luggage, standing around and talking to each other, as well as going to the bathroom. Sadly, even the author of the Salon piece can't resist the chummy bullshit thinking that, hey, we all KNOW where terrorists come from, right? So even if we'd like to think that we're better than agreeing to stereotyping and racial profiling, we can still feel comfortable in openly fearing brown people who talk funny.

And I Thought MC No Shame Was The Coolest Retard Working In The Media... How's your news now sir?

-The Sikh Geek

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Prince Michael III, IV, V, & VI Are On The Way
Now Sue Them For Being Assholes
While I do admit that this lawsuit is largely spurious and will likely go the way of Fox's own copyright attack on Al Franken ("wholly without merit", said the judge), nonetheless I love it. and Common Cause filed a petition with the Federal Trade Commission challenging Fox's use of the laughable slogan "Fair and Balanced" based on the assertion that it's news reports are "deliberately and consistently distorted and twisted to promote the Republican Party of the U.S. and an extreme right-wing viewpoint." It's about time the Left took off the kid gloves and starting mixing it up.
On Second Thought, Maybe I Do Like Jadakiss' Verse On "Run"
Every once and a while rappers go less "Don Diva" and more "Behold a Pale Horse." Jadakiss' new single, "Why?", includes the conspiratorial line, "Why did Bush knock down the towers?", an obvious reference to 9/11. While Jadakiss claims he was just being metaphorical, that didn't stop the bloviating Bill O'Reilly from labeling him a "smear merchant" and MTV from playing an edited version of the video. Remember, over a thousand US soldiers have died in Iraq to protect your freedom to censor rap songs critical of the president. Now go home and download "Bush Killer."
The Sikh Geek Was Runner-Up
PETA declares Andre 3000 to be the "world's sexiest vegetarian."
--MC No Shame, NYC's sexiest librarian

Monday, July 19, 2004

Just Another Manic Monday

Holidays In The Sun Israel's Minister of Tourism, Gideon Ezra, has only been on the job for a week but already he has a great plan to bring millions of foreign visitors to the Holyland: make a tourist spectacle out of the internationally-decried "security fence." "The security fence needs to be added to tour routes for incoming tourists," said Ezra to the Jerusalem Post. Johnny Rotten, now you have to eat your lyrics to about going on vacation to see the Berlin Wall like so much crow.

The Governator Pulls Out The Heavy Political Guns Look at what you did California! Not only did you flip the bird to our democratic process and recall a legally elected governor, you replaced him with Arnold Fucking
Schwarzenegger! Is it any shock that now we are forced to read article online that detail how "A spokesman for Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said Sunday that the governor would not apologize for calling lawmakers 'girlie men,' despite criticisms from Democrats that the remark was sexist and homophobic. Spokesman Rob Stutzman said the line was dropped because Schwarzenegger had already sent the message he wanted to send, not because he regretted his remarks. 'It's a forceful way of making the point to regular Californians that legislators are wimps when they let special interests push them around,' Stutzman said. 'If they complain too much about this, I guess they're making the governor's point.'"

Presidential Prayer Team II: Jonesing For A Snickers Bugaloo Yes, you're reading it right. The creator of this website started it on the instructions of THE Allmighty Creator Himself. It's a call for people to fast once a month for W because "
George W. Bush is a believer and carries our Father’s reputation in the actions he takes." Would those actions include executing the mentally retarded in Texas? Or launching an unjusified war that has killed tens of thousands? At least he wasn't godless enough to get a blowjob on the job. (Have the Evangelical Clinton-haters ever READ the Old Testament?)

-The Sikh Geek, fasting for MC No Shame and his return to wearing pants in public again

Sunday, July 18, 2004

I'm Pissed that Operation "But Hitchens A Drink!" Won't Allow Me To Contribute To His Slow, Alcoholic Demise Anymore. Fuck Off, Patriotic Union of Kurdistan.

Call It A "Freedom Error" Bitches Two years after it was put up, a memorial sign at the site of the WTC was taken down to correct an error that placed the attacks on September 11, 2002.

As In "Inducing One To Vomit"
Download while you can kids. Here's a wonderfully annotated copy of the INDUCE ACT co-sponsored by Sen. Orin Hatch (you may remember him as the public servant who wanted to remotely blow up your computer) to coddle to music industry and keep Dr. Dre's kids from starving.

Fuck Them With Footnotes Michael Moore gives a gigantic list of notes and sources from the movie Fahrenheit 9/11, which sadly won't shut up the major media outlets who love to hear themselves whine about "creative license" and "playing fast and loose with the truth."

What Else Would Osama's Candidate Say? On Thursday Bush told supporters at a campaign rally in Michigan that John Kerry abandoned our troops and then bragged about it. He also destroyed the Sikh Geek's bullshit detector by using the phrase "the heart and soul of America." (Note: Anyone who uses this phrase is without question NOT from anywhere close to "the heart and soul of America.") I guess bagging on Hollywood and appealing to the Midwest works as long as nobody remembers that you're the millionaire son of a president, and a Yale graduate who was born in suburban Connecticut.

-The Sikh Geek, Weekend Warrior

Friday, July 16, 2004


Today, for some reason, the Blogger interface is screwed up worse than our Iraq policy. It's a shame, too, as I was planning to post a swell article about the shady connections between the administration and the paramilitaries who overthrew Aristide in Haiti earlier this year. Alas.

When things are back to normal, we'll (and by "we," I mean, "me") have the usual quota of articles bashing our glorious leader and throwing spitballs at Ralph Nader.

-Consider Arms

Thursday, July 15, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Balls Go Here.

Those Fiscal Conservatives Will Stop at Nothing in Their Ruthless Belt-Tightening Spend, spend, spend. Presidential Appointee Bush, the man who obliterated the Clinton surplus with bribes for the wealthy, has once again brought us to the brink of financial ruin. For what seems the umpteenth time since Bush's appointment, the federal government will have to raise its debt ceiling to avoid losing its authority to borrow money. The only question now is whether Congress will do so this summer (the debt ceiling, currently at $7.3 trillion, will be reached in October). Republicans are hoping to do so, as having to raise it in the fall will hand John Kerry a timely campaign issue. Didn't the Republicans used to be the party of fiscal responsibility?

The Nexus of Poisonous Error Remember Colin Powell's landmark speech before the UN in 2003? Boy, it sure was a moment like Adlai Stevenson's devastating rebuke of the Soviet Union's claim that they didn't have nuclear missiles in Cuba. Then, of course, it wasn't: the speech (during which Powell famously described a Kurdish TV studio as "the nexus of poisons and terror"), turned out to be mostly baloney. But that wasn't Noble Powell's fault: "I believed in what they gave me," he said, 2 months ago. Now, as it turns out, maybe Noble Powell isn't so noble after all: the Senate report into pre-war intelligence has found that the State Department flagged dozens of factual errors in his speech, errors that he nonetheless included in the final draft.

All Together Now: "Ralph Nader is a Paid Operative of the Republican Party" One-third of the contributors to Ralph Nader's campaign in Florida (you remember brought us the Bush administration, etc.) are also contributors to Bush's campaign. Once again: Ralph Nader is being helped by Republicans in Oregon, Arizona, Michigan, and Florida, all of which are "key battleground states." When will the Nader people either admit they're wrong and stop backing this fraud, or at least confess that they support a candidate who is, effectively, a Republican?

Wait...Fox News Is Biased? Incredible, but true. According to 33 internal memos analyzed by Media Matters, the 24-hour vanilla gorilla cable channel is outrageously biased, with top executives directing slanted news coverage on a daily basis. Some highlights include: The Iraq War ("Do not fall into the easy trap of mourning the loss of US lives"); John Kerry ("his coarse description of his opponents has cast a lurid glow over the campaign"); Presidential Appointee Bush ("His political courage and tactical cunning are worth noting in our reporting through the day"); the G-8 ("Let's keep in mind that the G-8 contains the most obstreperous dissidents against the war on terror"); and, naturally, the American Civil Liberties Union ("let the ACLU stick it where the sun don't shine").

Col. Flagg Captures the A-Team! Now here's a bizarre story: A former U.S. soldier is being tried in Afghanistan for running a "vigilante group" in the country. Apparently this wacko duped NATO peacekeeping troops into joining missions of his group, wonderfully named Task Force Saber 7, and operated a private jail.

-Consider Arms

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: In Which the President Seeks to Avoid the Question.

Land of the Forbidden T-Shirt A Texas couple in Charleston, West Virginia to help with flood recovery efforts were arrested for attending an appearance by presidential appointee George W. Bush while wearing shirts that said, "Love America, Hate Bush." The wife has already lost her job with FEMA over it. Fortunately, the American Civil Liberties Union has found some time off from their heroic struggle to rename Las Cruces, New Mexico and is defending the couple in court. Frankly, I hope they sue Charleston, West Virginia for everything it's worth.

Separation of Penises The war in Iraq is going poorly, the war on terrorism is a joke, the economy is stuck in neutral, and not even Bush's base seems excited about his candidacy. What's an illegally appointed president to do? I know: Have your cronies in the Senate push a hopeless bill that would pave the way for changing the Constitution to read something like, "Penises must only go in vaginas." As this is the definition of a pointless wedge issue, the only logical response to this GOP initiative is to collectively vomit on the shoes of every senator who votes for this thing. Get your ipecac ready.

Queer Eye for the Dictatorial Guy Ruthless dictators like to ban a lot of things: opposition movements, voting, public assembly, independent religious groups, etc. But a color? That seems to be taking concerns about what clashes with your outfit a little too seriously. Perhaps not even Mao at his bird-war wackiest has done that, but top Zimbabwe thug Robert Mugabe has now gone ahead and banned the color red from television, because it's the color of the opposition Movement for Democratic Change. Perhaps Mugabe's uneasiness about the popularity of his opposition can be understood when you learn that, after years of state-run healthcare, things in Zimbabwe are now so bad that ambulances in rural areas are being pulled by oxen.

The Sting in the Tail Dear friends, was it only last year that Congress passed major Medicare reforms, claiming that the changes would mean a prescription drug benefit for senior citizens for the first time? If we climb into the Way Way Back machine, we learn that at the time, opponents of the change suggested that it would lead to private employers, who currently provide drug benefits, would cut them off as soon as the plan becomes available in 2006. This would make good financial sense for companies, since healthcare costs have been skyrocketing for about a decade. Unfortunately, it would be bad for retirees, whose private plans are almost invariably better than the Medicare drug plan, and who in some cases will be unable to get drug coverage even from Medicare if they lose their private coverage. At the time, the Republicans assured us that such talk was nonsense: "Seniors happy with the current Medicare system should be able to keep their coverage just the way it is," Bush said in his 2003 state of the union address. Ah, but guess what? The federal government now estimates that private employers will reduce or eliminate drug coverage for about 3.8 million retirees when the Medicare plan starts in 2006, or about one-third of the retirees with employer-sponsored drug plans. Meanwhile, big companies will get federal drug subsidies starting then while still reducing the number of people who they actually cover with their plan. This is how the GOP says, "Fuck you, grampa!"

Avoidance of Failure is Not Success The Butler Report is out in Britain, and among its key findings are: Iraq did not have any significant stocks of WMD available for deployment, nor plans to use them; the intelligence itself was "seriously flawed"; the infamous September 2002 dossier was at the "outer limits" of available intelligence, largely because of pressure from the Prime Minister's office. Tony the Phony is claiming victory, though, because the report says he did not "intentionally" mislead the British public with bad intelligence. That's like being proud you shit yourself but didn't do it on purpose.

-Consider Arms

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

I guess you whiners get your freedom, for now. Today, Condoleezza Rice said that there are no plans to postpone or cancel elections due to a terrorist attack. OK, you'd think, of course there isn't, why would there be? We had elections during the civil war, why not after a terrorist attack? The problem here is, when the administration has been dropping hints of this for weeks, we can't help but be a little worried about things like this. The real question should be, should we worry about things like this? Why at no other time in history have we had to worry about cancelled elections?

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Towering Over Rivals Like Some Kind of Tower.

Big Brother: No Plans for War With Eurasia Well, you'll all be relieved to know that us kooky leftists were getting all excited over nothing yesterday, when we were a-yakking about Tom Ridge asking for legal advice on "postponing" the November election. Condoleeza Rice, the expert on the Czechoslovakian government (experts will note that Czechoslovakia no longer exists) now in charge of national security policy, insists that the White House isn't interested at all in "postponing" elections, even in the event of a terrorist attack. "We've had elections in this country when we were at war, even when we were in civil war. And we should have the elections on time," Rice told CNN. Fans of "Fahrenheit 9/11" will recall scenes showing Rice, before September 11, dismissing the notion that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and wonder if we aren't in for another sudden policy change.

Oh, the Irony It's funny that a company theoretically devoted to communication - in this case, the media giant Clear Channel - is so interested in preventing people from communicating things. Case in point: Clear Channel, which owns thousands of billboards nationwide, has refused to allow an anti-war group to rent a billboard in Times Square, saying the group's billboard is "inappropriate." But, despite the fact that the corporation's radio stations have staged pro-war rallies, and the fact that one of its top executives is Tom Hicks, who bought the Texas Rangers from GW Bush, the company's CEO insists "We have no political agenda."

Will None of My Childhood Heroes Remain Untainted? Mike Ditka, who Bears fans like me will remember as the man who coached the greatest team of all time (1985 season: 15-1 Playoffs: 4-0, including the Super Bowl), is mulling a run for U.S. a Republican. "If you're going to tell me I couldn't be a better senator than Ted Kennedy, I could be," Ditka, apparently ignorant of the fact that even Republicans consider Kennedy one of the most effective senators of the last 50 years, said. This is even worse than finding out Dave Smalley is a Republican.

The Vanishing North African Nazi? Doubts have surfaced about a French woman's claim that she was attacked by North Africans on a train who cut off her hair and drew swastikas on her after they believed she was Jewish (a story we linked to this week). Apparently, none of the 20 witnesses who the woman claims saw the attack can be found, security cameras at the train station where the attackers left don't show anyone like she described, and she has a history of falsely reporting attacks against herself. Still, it's not too late for Al Sharpton to get in on this action somehow.

Mixed Results in Japan I was hoping that in the Japanese elections Sunday, we'd see a big defeat for the ruling party of American lapdog Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, in the same way there have been electoral defeats for Blair's Labour Party, Spain's Conservatives, and the South Korean conservatives. Apparently, though, it's sort of a mixed bag: Koizumi's party did indeed lose seats, but remains in the saddle. Also, the opposition Democratic Party of Japan (really the first genuine opposition party in the country's history) has gained not by attacking the ruling status quo, but by claiming that it can do a better job of maintaining it than the ruling party, with the key differences coming over pension reform and Iraq. I await the comments of my Japanophile colleague on this election.

-Consider Arms

Monday, July 12, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: A President of Truth Storming Out of a Press Conference of Lies.

DeLay Lawyers Up A couple of weeks ago, Tom DeLay hired two criminal defense lawyers to represent him in the ongoing federal probe of Enron. Today, we're starting to see why: according to emails from lobbyists to Ken Lay, DeLay was pushing Enron for $350,000 in contributions in 2001, money that DeLay said would be spent on the wildly inappropriate redistricting effort. With Ken Lay being led in front of news cameras sporting handcuffs, you know that DeLay is starting to sweat.

Ronald Reagan to Speak at Democratic Convention No, don't worry: the Great Communicator hasn't risen zombie-like from the grave to once again proclaim Morning in America. This Ronald Reagan is the son of the late Freedom President/conservative fetish object, and he'll be addressing the Dems in Boston this year on stem cell research, an issue the Reagans have been interested in ever since Ron Sr. was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Although he won't be campaigning for Kerry, and although conservatives have long detested Ron Jr., symbolically, this is the equivalent of stealing the other team's mascot. Awesome.

Hate to Say We Told You So For about the entire time we've been doing this here weblog, we've been saying that the Taliban was not "crushed" in 2002, but that it's been waging a civil war against the Hamid Karzai organization (one hesitates to call it a government) ever since we declared victory in Afghanistan. From the looks of it, the mainstream press has finally noticed, no doubt spurred by the announcement last week that the elections which will usher in a new era of democratic freedoms that would put ancient Greece to shame will, in fact, be postponed, on account of the Taliban keeps killing poll workers. Next: the mainstream press notices that, as we've suggested, Bush really isn't very bright when it comes to some issues.

It Will Be Called "The Freedom Delay" I can't remember if this has been discussed here yet (if it has, mea culpa), but Newsweek has a story this week which reveals that Tom Ridge has asked the Justice Department for legal advice on how the government could go about "postponing" the election in November in the event of a terrorist attack. Apparently, this was provoked by the fact that a New York state primary on September 11 was delayed because of the attack, but there's no federal agency with the legal authority to "reschedule" a federal election. So the wonderfully-named DeForest B. Soaries Jr., chairman of the US Election Assistance Commission (worryingly, the group supposed to protect us from e-vote fraud), is asking Congress to pass emergency powers giving Tom Ridge the ability to "postpone" elections, just like they do in Afghanistan. "We are reviewing the issue to determine what steps need to be taken to secure the election," says Brian Roehrkasse, a DHS spokesman. Yikes.

Michigan Republicans Organize Effort to Get Nader on the Ballot in Key State Dear Pro-Nader People: Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?

-Love, Consider Arms

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Might As Well Work Double-Shifts On The Weekend Too

France's Glorious Tradition of Tolerance Continues
Six North African men assaulted a gentile woman and her baby on a Parisian metro Saturday, calling her a Jew and drawing swastikas on her. A North African neo-Nazi attack on a non-Jewish Jew? WTF. At least there were no turbans involved.

When The Buck You Pass Comes Back To Bite You In The Ass "The Central Intelligence Agency repeatedly told the White House after the Sept. 11 attacks that evidence linking Iraq to Al Qaeda was "murky" and conflicting. That judgment contrasted starkly with the Bush administration's depiction of a close, well-documented relationship, which it used to justify the war in Iraq, according to the findings of a bipartisan Senate Intelligence Committee report released Friday."

But Will There Be Any Grown-Ups Around To Eat It?
Now you have the right condiment to enjoy your Freedom Fries with. Upset at the prospect of Heinz ketchup sales going to back the devil incarnate himself, John Kerry, some jackass has come out with a conservative ketchup named "W." Check out the official site here. "W Ketchup comes in one flavor: American."

The Starbucks Nut Gets A Little More Legit MC No Shame, your quest to see every WeinerSchnitzel franchise just got a little less ridiculous.

-The Sikh Geek
Just When I Thought I Said All I Could Say

Now If Only The Hacks At CNN Could Air This Every Eight Minutes. On Friday former Democratic hopeful Howard Dean engaged Ralph Darth Nader in a debate moderated by NPR. Dean went for the throat, pressuring Nader about Republicans signing half off his ballot petition in Arizona, accepting money from Bush-Cheney donors and accepting support in Oregon from the Oregon Family Council, a rabidly anti-gay Republican group. Dean threw the death blow with this comment, "The thing that upsets me so much about this is, you have the right to ... get in bed with whoever you want to, but don't call the Democratic Party full of corporate interests. They have their problems, we all have ours, none of us are pure. And this campaign of yours is far from pure."

From the AP: "US President George W. Bush walks away from a briefing with the media, refusing to answer questions after he was asked about Enron and the reported indictment of former CEO Kenneth Lay, who was a close adviser and fund-raiser for Bush and his father, earning him the presidential nickname of 'Kenny Boy.'"

The Motherload For Political Nerds Thanks to the American Museum of the Moving Image, every single presidential campaign commercial since 1952 is now available on a single website.

And In More Serious News...
"Britney was my sex-mad bride."

-The Sikh Geek

Friday, July 09, 2004

Americans Without Health Insurance: Now 42,999,999

Hear That Sound? It's The Other Shoe Dropping
When CIA Director George Tenet resigned on June 3rd he cited "personal reasons." Well with the release of the Senate Intelligence committee's report on the run up to the Iraq war we now know that those reasons were more like, "I'm being held personally responsible for the administration's intelligence failures." The report blasts CIA analysts for, among other things, getting swept up in the Orwellian sounding "group think", basically adopting the popular assumption that Iraq had weapons programs and therefore viewing all intel thru that filter. "Corporate culture and poor management" were also offered as explanations for the monumental intelligence gaffes used to justify the invasion. Of course Republican and Democratic members of the committee disagree over whether administration pressure (remember Destro's little visits to Langley?) played a role in exaggerating claims. There will be a second phase of the investigation, which will focus on the White House, but it "probably won't be finished until after the November elections." That's convenient!

Those UN Election Observers Better Get Their Asses Over Here
If Diebold doesn't cockblock the most hallowed democratic process perhaps a fabricated terror threat will. Funny that as we approach the fall election the normally ambiguous terror warnings (which I completely ignore, don't know about you) have suddenly taken on a new urgency. While still "nothing specific" has been divined from the chatter, national security agencies are pretty sure that Al Qaeda would like nothing more than to disrupt the elections to affect an outcome like in Madrid. You remember that one? It involved an unpopular ruling party, who strongly supported the Iraq war, being ousted by a leftist minority. Now wouldn't it just be a shame if the election timetable was altered, or even cancelled, by a 'terror threat'? Crazy? We'll see...

--MC No Shame, no more and Advil for me
"Ex-cons, of course, overwhelmingly vote Democrat."

Dude, Would You Vote For A Bunch of Grab-Assers?
Matt Drudge hopes you wouldn't. In an apparently slow news day, Drudge posted a story (under the usual understated 72pt bold headline) with numerous pictures about how, you know, Kerry and Edwards touch each other WAY too much to be normal. Solidifying his place in many circles of the inferno, Matt has made a habit of publicy smearing people by reporting that they are gay or insinuating that they are, even though he himself is, um, you know, just a straight dude that likes to go to gay clubs and dance to "If It Don't Fit, Don't Force It." Really.

The Dog Ate My Homework
According to the Pentagon, records that could have verified Bush's missing service time during his heroic tour with the Texas National Guard are missing themselves. "It said the payroll records of "numerous service members," including former First Lt. Bush, had been ruined in 1996 and 1997 by the Defense Finance and Accounting Service during a project to salvage deteriorating microfilm. No back-up paper copies could be found, it added in notices dated June 25." Funny, no mention of these records (or the fact that they were *accidentally destroyed* were mentioned in February when all of First Lt. Bush's records were supposedly released to set the record straight. If you buy this story, we actively encourage you to sign up for the MLWL's newsletter about exciting investment opportunities in Nigeria.

If You're In School and the Politicians Come, Run State Education Secretary of California, Richard Riordan was recently in trouble for telling a schoolgirl that her name meant "stupid dirty girl," which is as creepy as it is insulting. And in the worst state ever, Governor Jeb Bush was stumped when a high school student asked him a basic geometry question taken directly from the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test, which Bush has championed and made the basis for the grade that each high school in Florida receives. Jeb defended himself by saying, "The fact that a 51-year-old man can't answer a question, is really not relevant. You're still going to have to take the FCAT and you're still going to have to pass it in order to get a high school degree."

America's Hero Remember the pint-sized bund-choat Tim Bueler? The high school student who started the High School Conservative Clubs of America to defend against terrorists, brown people who don't speak "American" and traitorous liberal teachers in Bio class? Now that he has graduated he told a group of his conservative friends what he wants to do with the rest of his life: join the Army Rangers and kill Muslims. "The price of freedom, my friends, is paid in blood. The blood of our ancestors. For hundreds of years, Americans have fought to keep it and secure our freedom. And to extend the light of liberty to other countries. I’m not going to stand by and let some Third World illegal immigrants from Mexico, the Middle East or any other country continue to destroy our language and our American culture. We’re at a crossroads in America. If our government is not willing to enforce our immigration laws and uphold our laws, then what do we start to do? We take matters into our own hands." God bless America.

-The Sikh Geek has a new work schedule that cockblocks his usual morning posts

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Not Quite the Sum of Its Parts.

Is That the Sweet Taste of Schadenfreude? No one in America is happier about the NY Post's hideous blunder yesterday than the NY Daily News. In this article, the News quotes everyone from Mayor Bloomberg to Will Ferrell in character as an inept anchorman reveling in the Rupert Murdoch publication's misidentification, in a front page "exclusive" of Dick Gephardt as John Kerry's running mate. Meanwhile, MC No Shame is getting ready for an early retirement, with copies of the Post selling on Ebay for around $65.

The Four Freedoms, Iraqi-Style Well, that didn't take long. Despite the fact that a new age of human brotherhood has dawned in Iraq since the US gave an appointed council "sovereignty," it seems that in some ways the New Iraqi Freedom looks a lot like the Old Iraqi Oppression. The new prime minister has just given himself the power to execute people, order curfews anywhere in the country, ban political parties and other groups, and order the detention of anyone suspected of being a security risk.

Why Edwards is a Good Choice Here's EJ Dionne on why John Edwards is a good choice for Kerry's running mate. Dionne, as usual, makes some good points, but I can't help thinking that the best argument for Edwards is the fact that the diehard Republican I work with got furious yesterday when we heard that it was going to be Edwards instead of Gephardt. If the Republicans are upset, that has to be good news. Unless, of course, you're the Village Voice...

Why Didn't John Kerry Pick Mumia Abu Jamal? Or perhaps the convicted cop killer would be too conservative for the Voice. Here, in a depressingly predictable column, is James Ridgeway's take on the Kerry-Edwards ticket: "Why vote for the Dems? A Bermuda triangle of middle-class values, a/k/a Kerry's 'values of America' and Edwards's 'regular folks,' is not a call to enfranchise the poor or provide universal health care or equal justice. It means a tax cut here and there to help out the new middle class and things like more disclosure on pill bottles." I know! I can't believe the Democrats aren't calling for the proletariat to seize the means of production or to strangle the last capitalist with the guts of the last priest. Well, I guess that's just business as usual! I hate to keep hammering the Left, but somebody has to be the bloodhound, as Gustav Noske once remarked.

9/11 Panel Dismisses Evidence Obtained from Cheney's Secret Decoder Ring Last night, the panel appointed to investigate September 11 felt compelled to once again make it clear that, while Saddam and Al Qaeda had contacted each other, there was no collaboration whatsoever. They also felt the need to point out that, despite Dick Cheney's claims that Saddam and Osama piloted the planes into the World Trade Center together but parachuted out at the last minute, they have access to the same information Cheney is using to make his absurd claims, and that the info doesn't show a collaborative relationship at all. Will this finally make the vice-president stop lying to the American people. To quote the man himself: "Go fuck yourself."

-Consider Arms

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: I Think I Went to High School with Kerry Edwards.

Dewey Defeats Truman!

Blair: OJ May Never Find the Real Killers Tony Blair admitted in Parliament today that Saddam's "vast arsenal" of weapons of mass destruction may never be found. He now says it was a mistake to focus on weapons of mass destruction rather than "regime change" as the main reason to go to war, forgetting perhaps that public support in America for a war only to "liberate" the Iraqis would not have got off the ground. And, without America, Britain would hardly have been involved in this mess in any way. "I have to accept the fact that we have not found them, but we have found very clear evidence of intent and desire," he says now. Mmmkay. "Evidence of intent and desire" plus 99 cents gets you a cheeseburger at McDonald's, tiger.

Osama Bin Laden, Auteur The owner of a moviehouse chain with 34 theaters in Iowa and Nebraska is refusing to show "Fahrenheit 9/11," claiming that the film "promotes terrorism." In an email to the Associated Press, the owner wrote that, "Our country is in a war against an enemy who would destroy our way of life, our culture and kill our people. These barbarians have shown through (the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001) and the recent beheadings that they will stop at nothing. I believe this film emboldens them and divides our country even more." I'm also glad to hear that he will not be showing Spiderman 2, as it emboldens super villains.

"Whoever seeks anything other than Christ in the Church is a mercenary" - St. Augustine, Bishop of Hippo The Bush campaign, fresh from its ads comparing Democrats to Hitler, is in trouble again for another boneheaded tactic, but this time it's the ultra-conservative Southern Baptist Convention that's pissed. Apparently, a Bush campaign strategy is to try and involve conservative churches in the election, including having church directories forwarded to campaign staff, having voter registration drives at church, and urging pastors to set aside special days to support the Bush-Cheney ticket. To their credit, the Bush-backing Southern Baptists have, in their own, measured way, thrown up. "I suspect that [the Bush-Cheney effort] will rub a lot of pastors’ fur the wrong way," says Richard Land, head of the convention's ethics committee. "Many pastors may consider this a totally inappropriate intrusion by a partisan campaign into the nonpartisan voter education and voter registration ministries of local churches."

"My Enemies Are America and Christianity" - Sun Myung Moon, 1993 If you loved the spectacle of U.S. congressmen crowning the Rev. Sun Myung Moon the new messiah in the Dirksen Senate Office Building, you simply have to make this blog run by John Gorenfeld a daily read. Gorenfeld has an amazing ability to come up with the most damning stuff on Moon, ranging from his "throw the cross in the dumpster" photos to information on the military weapons manufactured by the "King of Peace."

-Consider Arms

Monday, July 05, 2004

The Smoke of Satan

Augustine of Hippo, A Nation Turns To You A Catholic lawyer has filed charges of heresy against Sen. John Kerry with the Archdiocese of Boston, claiming that when a Catholic holds pro-choice views and accepts holy Communion it "is one of the greatest sins you can commit." (And I, the relapsed Catholic, would have imagined murder, rape, theft, blasphemy or actual abortion to be a greater sin than voting Democratic.) A Devil's advocate would be quick to point out that deciding that Catholic are ineligible for Communion based political views and dividing members of the Church into those "worthy" and "unworthy" of the Sacrament is tantamount to an actual and much more serious heresy called Donatism. Objectively, it's fascinating to see the wide, subconscious influence of Evangelical Protestantism on American Christian churches and how it's polarizing many of them. Personally, it makes me sad to see the Catholic Church myopically fascinated by abortion and gay sex, and drifting far from the spirit of the Catholic Worker movement and a life based on humility and charity. Tag in Consider Arms.

Enter the Ultra-Mega-Phallus In a resounding defeat for grown-ups everywhere, the cornerstone for the Freedom Tower was laid in New York yesterday on the site of the World Trade Center. The childishly named Freedom Tower will be 1776 feet tall (thanks to a pointless 276-foot spire) and is being pimped out as the tallest building in the world. If that building doesn't scream out "terrorist target," I don't know what would.

The First-World Nation With A Third World Democracy When you hear the phrase "observers from the United Nations called in to monitor the election," what countries do you think of? Some strife-torn nation in sub-Saharan Africa? A tiny coup-happy South American republic? How about the United States? Still smarting from the Florida debacle of 2000, several members of the House have written Kofi Annan asking that the UN "ensure free and fair elections in America." And this sober AP story from Alex Jones highlights the frightingly real possibility that elections in the Fall could be cancel in the event of a "terrorist attack."

At Least The Basset Hounds Are Fighting Terror

-The Sikh Geek

Friday, July 02, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Marlon Brando R.I.P.

Good for the Goose, Anti-Semitic for the Gander Let's pile into the Way, Way Back Machine and recall those dusty days of late 2002, when the Bush administration was building a case for the invasion of Iraq because Saddam Hussein was "in defiance of international law" concerning his huge arsenal of weapons of mass destruction (ahem). Now, returning to the present day, we find that Israel is vowing to ignore a World Court ruling on the legality of its "peace barrier" in the West Bank, and demanding that the U.S. support its, ahem, defiance of international law.

The Age of Pericles Will Have to Wait The United Nations has announced that the elections in Afghanistan will likely have to be postponed, possibly until next year. The problem is that there is slower voter registration than they had envisaged, because the Taliban keeps slaughtering poll workers, forcing the cancellation of registration efforts in entire provinces. Rest assured, though. The UN says this is not "a major cause for worry." Except, possibly, for the poll workers.

Always Start Forest Fires Every summer since September 11, there have been forest fires, and alarmist pundits who suggest that it could be terrorists starting them. As it turns out, there's at least one paramilitary group out there that has already burned more than 14,000 acres of woodland: the Boy Scouts of America. The federal government has filed a $14 million lawsuit against the Boy Scouts, charging that the scouts set a 2002 blaze in the Uinta Mountains while camping in the woods to earn survival merit badges.

Ralph Nader, Whore for the Right People scoffed when I proclaimed months ago the Official Consider Arms Conspiracy Theory: Ralph Nader is a paid Republian operative. Yet the proof continues to mount, like this story: Richard Egan, who was George W. Bush's ambassador to Ireland until this year, and his family are pouring thousands of dollars into Nader's campaign. As you can perhaps imagine, a man who donated enough to George W. Bush in 2000 to be named ambassador does not have a lengthy history of giving to left-wing candidats. Meanwhile, a federal lawsuit has been filed against Nader, claiming that his campaign has accepted illegal assistance from the Bush campaign (that's a violation of U.S. election law). So, how much longer before the Official Conspiracy Theory becomes accepted public wisdom?

Today's "Thank God It's Friday" Special: It's Fun to Stay at the ASEAN Regional Forum Truly, this is the glamour of statecraft at its most sublime: at the conclusion of an Asian security forum today, Colin Powell brought things to a rousing finish by donning construction worker garb and performing an altered version of the Village People's signature hit "YMCA." No, really.

-Consider Arms

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Let The Tiger Roar Man.

Michael Moore's Retarded Competition

After dropping Michael Moore's documentary Fahrenheit 9-11 like a hot potato, Disney is set to release "America's Heart And Soul," an 88-minute feel good series of vignettes about everyday Americans being fantastic and enjoying their freedom. I imagine that it will fare worse than "White Chicks."

"We got a terroristic phone call the other day, but it turned out it was just the boyfriend of an employee." No longer the sole fantasy of William Johnstone's shitty novels, it looks like our country will soon have a well-trained trucker army on our side. In the embarrassing wake of Operation TIPS, the Department of Homeland Security is pumping millions of dollars to the American Trucking Associations to recruit a volunteer group of truckers called Highway Watch. HW will keep their meth-glazed eyes peeled for any signs of Osama bin Laden or any dark-skinned dude who looks, you know, funny.
After the session in Little Rock, two newly initiated Highway Watch members sat down for the catered barbecue lunch. The truckers, who haul hazardous material across 48 states, explained how easy it is to spot "Islamics" on the road: just look for their turbans. Quite a few of them are truck drivers, says William Westfall of Van Buren, Ark. "I'll be honest. They know they're not welcome at truck stops. There's still a lot of animosity toward Islamics." Eddie Dean of Fort Smith, Ark., also has little doubt about his ability to identify Muslims: "You can tell where they're from. You can hear their accents. They're not real clean people."

-The Sikh Geek, rocking sexy Viking hair like you couldn't believe