Friday, July 09, 2004

"Ex-cons, of course, overwhelmingly vote Democrat."

Dude, Would You Vote For A Bunch of Grab-Assers?
Matt Drudge hopes you wouldn't. In an apparently slow news day, Drudge posted a story (under the usual understated 72pt bold headline) with numerous pictures about how, you know, Kerry and Edwards touch each other WAY too much to be normal. Solidifying his place in many circles of the inferno, Matt has made a habit of publicy smearing people by reporting that they are gay or insinuating that they are, even though he himself is, um, you know, just a straight dude that likes to go to gay clubs and dance to "If It Don't Fit, Don't Force It." Really.

The Dog Ate My Homework
According to the Pentagon, records that could have verified Bush's missing service time during his heroic tour with the Texas National Guard are missing themselves. "It said the payroll records of "numerous service members," including former First Lt. Bush, had been ruined in 1996 and 1997 by the Defense Finance and Accounting Service during a project to salvage deteriorating microfilm. No back-up paper copies could be found, it added in notices dated June 25." Funny, no mention of these records (or the fact that they were *accidentally destroyed* were mentioned in February when all of First Lt. Bush's records were supposedly released to set the record straight. If you buy this story, we actively encourage you to sign up for the MLWL's newsletter about exciting investment opportunities in Nigeria.

If You're In School and the Politicians Come, Run State Education Secretary of California, Richard Riordan was recently in trouble for telling a schoolgirl that her name meant "stupid dirty girl," which is as creepy as it is insulting. And in the worst state ever, Governor Jeb Bush was stumped when a high school student asked him a basic geometry question taken directly from the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test, which Bush has championed and made the basis for the grade that each high school in Florida receives. Jeb defended himself by saying, "The fact that a 51-year-old man can't answer a question, is really not relevant. You're still going to have to take the FCAT and you're still going to have to pass it in order to get a high school degree."

America's Hero Remember the pint-sized bund-choat Tim Bueler? The high school student who started the High School Conservative Clubs of America to defend against terrorists, brown people who don't speak "American" and traitorous liberal teachers in Bio class? Now that he has graduated he told a group of his conservative friends what he wants to do with the rest of his life: join the Army Rangers and kill Muslims. "The price of freedom, my friends, is paid in blood. The blood of our ancestors. For hundreds of years, Americans have fought to keep it and secure our freedom. And to extend the light of liberty to other countries. I’m not going to stand by and let some Third World illegal immigrants from Mexico, the Middle East or any other country continue to destroy our language and our American culture. We’re at a crossroads in America. If our government is not willing to enforce our immigration laws and uphold our laws, then what do we start to do? We take matters into our own hands." God bless America.

-The Sikh Geek has a new work schedule that cockblocks his usual morning posts