Tuesday, January 13, 2009

People are Weird About Taphophobia

Have you ever heard of taphophobia (or taphephobia)? Neither had I until I recently saw a news story about more and more people being buried with their cell phones. Can you believe that? For those of you like me, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Taphophobia is the fear of being buried alive. Apparently this used to happen a lot in the yesteryears because doctors were pretty bad at correctly diagnosing death. Yeah. Think about that for a minute. My previous biggest fear was being burned alive by lava. Now it's being buried alive. If I'm buried alive with my cell phone, I guess I could call someone. Or I could check the Drudge Report every half hour for breaking news. On the other hand, if I really am dead, there is a good chance that not everyone will find out. I'll just have to record an out-of-office message that says, "Hey. You've reached me, but I am dead. I'll return your call on my next trip to life. Have a great day." But seriously, it seems that some people are burying their loved ones with cell phones so they can call the phone and still hear that person's voice. How comforting.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

The LAPD Shoots Babies, Don't They...?

The Worst State Ever. A man is on trial for beating his three-year old child to death, after an extended period of time in which he would force the toddler to box with him. Said the child's aunt, "(The father) was trying to teach him how to fight. He was concerned that the child might be gay." Of course this happened in Florida.

Performance Art Gets Great
If by great you mean "now included a douchebage who inflates his forehead and calls it art." Dude, sometimes when you're the "only person in the world" who does something, it's because the 6 billion other people on the planet are too smart to do what you're doing.

A 'We're Bigger Than Jesus' For Our Times Coldplay's Chris Martin first became a major douchebag when he started writing shit on his hands for magazine shoots like little "equality" signs (take note Eddie Vedder!) and blurbs about fair trade. Then he started wearing colored tape on his fingers for various causes and at this point I expect him to make a "statement" by wearing a monochromiatic clown suit and a diaper for his next Rolling Stone cover. Anyhoo, Martin described Live8 as "the greatest thing that's ever been organized, probably, in the history of the world" so I thought it might be nice to look back at the original Live Aid concerts and see what they created: a Stalinist-style resettlement project.

Time For A New Nickname Marcus Marcus Your current one has just been taken over by a soda brand...

The Logic of Suicide Terrorism put out by The American Conservative, Why The War In Iraq Has Made Us Less Safe put out by Time, and another article I am too lazy to write a clever link to.

Davis Rees, I Love You...

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-The Sikh Geek

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

TODAY'S TOP NEWS: Rove Overboard?

"You're In A Bad Spot, Here, Scott..." Yes, the administration may or may not be in trouble over revelations that Karl Rove was the source for Bob "Furry Slug" Novak's column leaking Valerie Plame's name. But whether or not Rove's leaking was illegal, let's focus on the point we as Americans can all agree on: the transcript of the press corps suddenly grilling Scot McClellan like they're actual reporters is really, really awesome.

British Police Raid 5 Homes in Leeds in Wake of London Bombings Investigators say the action is "directly connected" to the investigation of the bombings, but there are no reported arrests yet.

ETA Bombs Spanish Power Plant; No Injuries It's unclear what this means for the Basque separatist group's stance on possible talks with the Spanish government, which Prime Minister Zapatero recently approved. Either ETA is rejecting the talks outright, or is planning to enter into talks from a position of strength.

New Monaco Monarch Assures Continued Survival Of 'Prince Albert In A Can' Jokes But, in a classless move, he didn't invite his illegitimate son to his coronation. If this were 13th century Scotland, that would be cause for a regicide.

Bush Meets With Top Senators on SCOTUS Nominees But the bipartisan group of senators came away from the meeting without a list of candidates to ponder; provoking speculation that Hamlet Bush has been politically paralyzed by Plamegate.

Hillary Compares Bush to MAD Magazine Mascot I really only included this link because of the headline on the Telegraph Story: "Bush is like comic book idiot, says Mrs. Clinton."

BTK Killer's Home Sold At Auction To Strip Club Owner More of those red state values we keep hearing so much about.

Phone Headsets In Cars Not Any Safer: Study Oh, the next thing you're going to tell me is that it's not safe to drive while drunk.

Weekly Reader Editor Arrested For Soliciting Sex With Minor Over Internet I knew all those Weekly Readers I read in elementary school were somehow...unwholesome.

Major U.S. Pullout From Iraq Expected To Begin In '06 Just in time for midterm elections, as it happens.

Poll: Bush Approval Ratings Up One Percent So much for the gain in support Fox News was predicting following the London attacks.

Reserve and National Guard Troop Levels Continue To Fall From a peak of 220,000 active duty reserves in 2003, there are now 138,000, as more and more reserves meet the 24-month maximum commitment created by the Bush administration.

- Consider Arms

Thursday, July 07, 2005

TODAY'S TOP NEWS: War is Declared, And Battle Come Down.

7 Blasts Hit London It's not in the story, but the latest AP update confirms 33 dead. A previously unheard-of Islamic organization has claimed credit, and has threatened similar attacks in Italy and Denmark.

Egyptian Ambassador to Iraq Executed The Al Qaeda group led by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi has announced that it executed Egypt's top envoy to Iraq, who was kidnapped in Baghdad on Saturday.

Arroyo Faces Increased Pressure to Resign The president of the Philippines, enmeshed in a vote fraud scandal, is now losing key allies. Meanwhile, a national poll shows that 60 percent of Filipinos want her to resign.

NY Times Reporter Jailed by Federal Prosecutor Judith Miller, one of the MLWL's least favorite reporters, has nonetheless done the decent thing and gone to jail to protect her source, unlike the weasely Matt Cooper, who agreed to testify before a grand jury.

Conan the Budgetarian Arnold Schwarzenegger, otherwise known as Governor Embarassment, has struck a deal with Democratic leaders in the California state legislature on a $90 billion budget, representing a growth of 10 percent over last year's budget. The man who promised to "trim the fat" from government and put "Collyforneeya's" fiscal house in order has presided over his first double digit budget growth, although last year's budget increased by more than 7 percent. Additionally, the budget is unbalanced, with a $6 billion deficit between revenues and expenditures. About $4.7 billion of that will be made up with one-time gimmicks, meaning that next year there will be a $5 billion hole in the budget before the first workshop is prepared. Collyforneeya should change its state motto to "Caveat Emptor."

Iraq and Iran Sign Military Pact; U.S. Mum The former enemies, who fought for nearly a decade in the bloodiest Mideast conflict of the 20th century, have signed an agreement in which Iran will provide military training and other, unspecified services. The pact is the first sign of a closer alliance between the Shi'ite theocracy and Iraq, with its Shi'ite-dominated government. A government minister replied to questions about how the U.S. might view such a deal with a member of "the axis of evil" by saying, "Nobody can dictate to Iraq its relations with other countries."

Feds Probe California National Guard Spy Unit The federal government has launched an investigation into whether the state of Collyforneeya broke the law when it created a special unit within the National Guard to spy on U.S. citizens considered "subversive." Gov. Jingles ordered the unit to spy on a Mother's Day anti-war demonstration organized by a group of senior citizens called the Raging Grannies. Despite this, the National Guard claims it did nothing wrong in setting up the unit.

Prescription Drug Abusers in U.S. Top 15 Million The number has more than doubled since 1992, with the rate of prescription drug abuse among teenagers tripling. My God, does this mean Tom Cruise was right?

-Consider Arms

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

TODAY'S TOP NEWS: Judge Jeff Jones For Supreme Court.

Thousands March in Protest of G8 Summit Notably absent: Bono.

Bush Urges Civility in Supreme Court Vacancy Debate Because who knows more about civility than the guy who beat John McCain in South Carolina by suggesting he fathered an illegitimate non-white child, right? But seriously, Bush is more worried about the debate over the next Supreme Court nominee that will take place in his own party than he is about any petty Democratic roadblocking. If the Democrats are smart, they'll support a "moderate" candidate, like Alberto "Mr. Torture" Gonzalez. The prospect of that empty suit on the highest court in the land is unappealing, but let's face it; Bush is not going to nominate anyone who's appealing. By attacking the moderate, the Democrats essentially give the Republicans a reason to unite in his defense; by attacking the moderate, the Democrats help widen the gap between social and fiscal conservatives, weakening the party for the next round of elections. We're going to get a lousy judge out of this no matter what; we might as well try to at least sap the Republican's strength in the bargain. For more SCOTUS strategizing, click heeyah and heeyah.

Prosecutor: Plamegate Reporters Should Go To Jail Even though they didn't write stories about the leak, and even though the reporter who did write a story about it hasn't been called before the grand jury. Ahem.

Meth #1 Drug Problem For Small-town Law Enforcement A survey of sheriffs' departments around the country has found that police officers consider the skyrocketing use of methamphetamines the number one drug-related problem. In addition to the costs of incarceration and court, counties are also struggling with environmental costs of cleaning up toxic meth labs and caring for the children of meth-addicted parents. In some rural counties, as many as 8 out of 10 people in jail are there for meth-related crimes. Meanwhile, the White House reiterated this week that marijuana is still the most serious drug problem in America.

Military Extends Homeland Operations "The document acknowledges, for instance, plans to team military intelligence analysts with civilian law enforcement to identify and track suspected terrorists."

Chilean Court Strips Pinochet of Immunity You're never too old to stand trial for murder, generalissimo.

Sentencing Set For Lil Kim Careful observers of the criminal justice scene will note that Ken Lay remains at liberty.

British Foreign Minister Says Coalition Troops Will Leave Iraq If Asked Did you know that Jack Straw used to be a Trotskyite? Life is fucked up.

Vladimir Putin Denounces Robert Mugabe As a 'Dictator' In related news: Manny Ramirez characterizes Derek Jeter as a 'baseball player.'

-Consider Arms