Sunday, October 31, 2004

Two Decades Later: Indira Ghandi Still Rotting In Hell

The Nadir Of Nader
The man has reduced himself to debating puppets.

Truly, War-Mongering Is Part And Parcel Of A "Culture Of Life" According to a former ghost writer for the boy dauphin, George Bush was fixin' to invade Iraq way back in 1999, years before 9-11 and even before he was "elected." "He said to me: ‘One of the keys to being seen as a great leader is to be seen as a commander-in-chief.’ And he said, ‘My father had all this political capital built up when he drove the Iraqis out of Kuwait and he wasted it.’ He said, ‘If I have a chance to invade….if I had that much capital, I’m not going to waste it. I’m going to get everything passed that I want to get passed and I’m going to have a successful presidency.”"

Wars And Rumors Of Wars To paraphrase grunge icon (and Consider Arms' "spiritual guide") Kurt Cobain, just because you're paranoid about a draft doesn't mean that it isn't being worked on.

Something About "Dishing It Out" And "Taking It"
"In a complaint to the Federal Elections Commission, the National Republican Campaign Committee accused radio station KFI-AM (640) co-hosts John Kobylt and Ken Chiampou of "criminal behavior" for attacking Rep. David Dreier, R-Glendora, and endorsing his Democratic opponent, Cynthia Matthews." Funny, at different points I can recall hearing right-wing talk radio figures call Hillary Clinton a "satanic witch", accuse John Kerry of being a front for Osama bin Laden and hearing Michael Savage (Weiner) call for the nuclear destruction of the Middle East and the death of "fags."

The GOP Showing All Respect To The Victims Of 9-11

I See Your Zell Miller, And I Raise You...
More from the "endorsements we never thought we'd see" department. Bob Smith, a Senator from New Hampshire who once briefly left the republican Party because it was too moderate for his tastes, has come out in support of John Kerry.

The French Call The Orgasm "The Little Death"
And the GOP refers to the man who caused the little deaths of 3,000 Americans as "the little gift." Proving that the Right can and will spin absolutely anything, a senior BC04 strategist was quoted as saying, "anything that makes people nervous about their personal safety helps Bush."

More Proof That The Media Huffs Republican Talking Points Like So Much Propagandic Dong "My visceral reaction is that it could hurt Kerry. I don't think the American people will take kindly to Osama bin Laden stepping into our election," said St. Louis University political scientist Joel Goldstein. "It's an unfortunate 11th hour diversion but it reminds people of the terrorist threat and that's Bush's strong point," Goldstein said.

-The Sihk Geek

Friday, October 29, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Only Four More Days 'Til Huge Democracy Going Out Of Business Sale! Everything Must Go - Civil Liberties, Voting Rights, Checks and Balances, Representative Democracy! All At Unbelievably Low Prices! Don't Miss This Once-In-A-Lifetime Liquidation Spectacular!

I Bet They Can Get Permission to Use "Flight of the Valkyries" John Hall, the guy who wrote peppy 70s pop tune "Still the One" (you know..."We're still havin' fun, and you're still the one"), is pissed that Bush is using the song as his re-election theme. The indignities inflicted on Bush now know no limit: He is getting chump-slapped by the hack who wrote "Still the One." Awesome.

Go, Yankees! Less than 48 hours after the Red Sox lifted the spirits of all New England, Curt Schilling has magnificently tarnished the victory by publicly coming out for Bush, and agreeing to to on campaign stops with him. Although Schilling has since cancelled his stump appearances, this does not sit well in a region that will go overwhelmingly for Kerry (particularly since Schilling draws his pay from a team located in Kerry's hometown). Thanks for the pitching, Bible boy (well, not the pitching in game one of the ALCS, that pretty much sucked), but maybe it's time to go.

Are You Better Off Than You Were 3 Years Ago? For the people of Iraq, it's an "every rose has its thorn" situation. On the one hand, Saddam Hussein's brutal dictatorship, which was based on the oppression of the majority Shi'ites and the Kurds, is over. On the other, for the first time ever, the leading cause of death in Iraq is now violence, with 100,000 civilians killed since the invasion. But, you know, Saddam was a real rotten dude, because, see, he would have killed all those people. 10 years ago, Mi6 had a song about Panama that went, "Thousands killed to catch a killer, blank papers hide the irony..." I'm glad so much has changed.

Dare We Dream of a World Without Arafat? Yasser Arafat, who first came to prominence fighting against Israel in the 1948 war (!), is ailing in a Paris hospital. No one knows how serious it is, but he's 75 years old and sick. We're going to have to start thinking about life in a post-Arafat world, which is a really nice thought because (a) Arafat will be dead. On the other hand, Arafat's death holds out the prospect of even more chaos in Israel, as there will likely be a power struggle in his organization. Wait. Did I just type "even more chaos in Israel"? Is that even technically possible?

Take the Money and Run Sadly, it seems that Loofahgate is at an end. Andrea Mackris and Bill O'Reilly have settled her sexual harassment suit out of court for an undisclosed sum, although we can speculate that it was massive. As a result, the records are sealed and we won't get to hear the tapes of Bill O'Reilly waxing erotic about falafel, but we can thank the both of them for giving our nation some much needed joy at an otherwise grim time.

-Consider Arms
Somebody Needs To Suture Curt Schilling's Fucking Mouth

All The Endorsements You Never Thought You'd See... With "a heavy heart" The Economist has announced to its readers that it thinks they should vote for Kerry. Its sibling in the conservative magazine business, The American Conservative, has also come out for the "liberal Senator from Massachusetts" even citing a comparison of Bush to Russia's last tsar, Nicholas II. Even ex-pro-wrestler and ex-governor Jesse Ventura has vocally come out to lend his support of John Kerry.

Whatever It Takes Indeed A new ad by the CB04 campaign ironically titled "Whatever It Takes" uses Bush's convention speech. It also uses stiring music, families in the heartland and photos of the troops. Fake, photoshopped photos of troops. The Bush campign recently fessed up to it.

I'm Voting For Bush Because He Supports A Culture Of Life
By conservative estimates, over 100,000 Iraqis have died since the 2003 US invasion, mostly women and children.

Happy Halloween!

-The Sikh Geek

Thursday, October 28, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Babe Ruth Now Back to Being Just a Fat, Whoremongering Drunk.

How the Good Guys Finally Won Are we really the same people we were only 10 days ago, when the Red Sox were down 3-0, facing a humiliating sweep in the ALCS by the hated Yankees? It seems like so much has happened since then, and it has: now we have to completely change our concept of the possible. Israel and Palestine can reconcile. Elections can work in Afghanistan. The lion can lay down with the lamb, and I can get a date with Beyonce. I am no longer elated; I have passed beyond the realm of sports emotion and into an existence of serenity and bliss. The Red Sox are the World Series champs.

Time for Couples Counseling Steven Scott Soper, an 18-year-old Marine recruit in Florida, is in jail for trying to stab his girlfriend to death for announcing that she'll vote for John Kerry. Soak up the boundless significance of this sentence: "Soper, who will enter the Marines as soon as he passes the GED test, solidly supports Bush." Throw in a screwdriver, and you've got what the White House thinks of as "the base."

Politics Makes Strange Bedfellows, Except When It Doesn't Here's an interesting story about how what sociologists indelicately call "assortative mating" is taking on political characteristics in this most heated of recent election years: Democrats are eschewing the wiles of Republicans, and vice versa. Personally, this makes plenty of sense, as I cannot even stand to be on the same sidewalk as Bush supporters this year, let alone in bed with them.

"You Are Some Smooooth!" The official re-election site of the "president" is A parody site mercilessly mocking the same leader is Now, it's not that hard to keep your Dot Org distinct from your Dot Com, but Republicans, being Republicans, manage to fuck it up. Result: tons of campaign e-mails that are supposed to go to addresses at get sent to this parody web site, which gleefully posts them for our delectation.

Terrorism Pie Following the news even casually for the last three years or so, you might be tempted to think that "terrorism" consists of things like: crashing airplanes into the World Trade Center; planting bombs on commuter trains in Madrid; blowing up resort discos in Bali; beheading journalists and posting the footage on the Internet; strapping explosives to yourself and blowing up a Sbarro; etc. Well, you would be very, very wrong, as Ann Coulter tells us: She herself is now the victim of "an act of terrorism" consisting of dudes throwing custard at her. The War on Terrorist Custard starts here.

-Consider Arms
Now We'll Root For The Northeast States In The Upcoming Civil War

The End of Civility
Missing ballots are the smallest problems in the worst state ever. An 18-year old Marine recruit, upset that she was breaking up with him AND voting for John Kerry, held his girlfriend hostage and threatened to stab her in the neck with a screwdriver before she broke free. And in Vero Beach, an anti-Kerry protester was charged after pointing a gun at a Kerry-supporting heckler. Dearest MLWL reader, who looks worse in this article? Bush supporters? The Marines? Florida?

Where The Vote Can't Be Won, It Can Be Disenfranchised In Wisconsin the GOP is criticizing a get-out-the-vote campaign involving public school students. The non-partisan campaign takes time from regular classes to go to low turn-out, minority neighborhoods urging people to vote. A Republican spokesman called the program "a disgraceful use of taxpayer money." Be on the lookout dudes; the better Kerry starts to do in swing states, the more insane GOP voter disenfranchisement will be.

That Which You Have Done To The Least Of My Bretheren... In a shocking departure from Deepak Chopra's musings on crystal unicorn guardian angels, BeliefNet has a fascinating article about the glaring abscence from this election's religion-politics debate. Hardly anybody "of faith" is breathing a word about the millions and millions of people living in poverty. Forget mercy, kindness and charity, in America's bizarre religious landscape of Xtreme Teen Bibles, stem cell research and anti-gay marriage rallies, the poor and the suffering have become irrelevent. For shame.

-The Sikh Geek is scared that John Titor DID exist

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

At This Point Blogger Exists Only To Fuck With The MLWL

Why Is The Hard-Hitting American Journalism Being Done In England?
The UK's Independent is reporting that the US gave Britain the date on which the Iraqi war would begin FIVE MONTHS in advance, proving that Tony Blair not only lied to his parliament but that all of the diplomatic efforts with the UN were so much bullshit. The BBC is reporting on GOP plans to once again disenfranchise the Black vote in Florida and a Republican spokesman did not deny that large numbers of voters would be "challenged" at the polls (read: Black and Democratic voters). Good thing the nightly newscast were all over these stories...

I Laughed When They Pied Coulter, I Cheered When They Treid To Run Over Katherine Harris "A motorist who told police he was exercising his "political expression" was jailed Wednesday on an aggravated assault charge alleging he tried to run down U.S. Rep. Katherine Harris and a group of re-election campaign supporters. No one was injured."

Exactly WHEN Did This Seem Like A Good Idea?
Virgin Megastores said sorry on Monday for selling dolls that portrayed memeber of a Nazi SS division originally created to guard concentration camps. The president of the toy company that made the dolls was quoted as saying that he picked that particular group of Nazis because "they've got the coolest gear. It makes for a cool figure." and that his grandfathers had fought in Europe for his "right to make whatever I want."

Embracing Contradiction Like Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself" I never thought I'd compare America's bard to a reptilian Australian media-magnate, but here we are. Rupert Murdoch stands by the claims that he is "fair and balanced" by saying he is not biased towards Bush, but that his papers will continue to back Bush's foreign policy. Live with the mindfuck, bhenchods.

Forces Of Good On A Roll First the Yankees choke and now this. Ralph Nader is off the balot in both Pennsylvania and Ohio.

And We Laughed When MC No Shame Referred To Lord Of The Rings As "The Greatest Work Of Non-Fiction EVER"

-The Sikh Geek, considering the jump to LiveJournal

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

I Love Lindsay Lohan Like CA Loves Beyonce

Animal Planet Strikes Back!
This is a really great response to Bush and Co.'s "I was a teenage werewolf" scare tactic ads.

Somebody Had To Say It
Throw the headphones on for this one, if you're at work.

It's Certainly A Departure From Talking About Killing His Baby's Momma
Take a look at who just got himself a political conscious. Now if he can only stop being such a dick at award shows.

--MC No Shame

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: The October Surprise: Ashlee Simpson Can't Sing!

It's Time for John Marshall to Step Down Chief Justice William "Shazam" Rehnquist, 80, who has served on the nation's highest court since 1972, is ill with thyroid cancer, prompting a series of speculations about what will happen in the event he retires, and crystalizing a key theme of the campaign: the next president will likely get to shape the Supreme Court. We here at the MLWL wish Justice Rehnquist a speedy recovery (happily, thyroid cancer is relatively easy to treat and has high survival rates), but we also think this is an opportune time to register our objection to the fact that the only oversight of the Supreme Court is the icy scythe of death. I mean, the priesthood has an earlier mandatory retirement age, for crying out loud!

Gay-Loving Bush Loves Gays! Well, not really, but in a weird moment, "President" Bush said over the weekend that he favors civil unions for gay couples and opposes his party's platform, which is explicitly against them. I don't know if this is calculated to appeal to moderate undecided voters, but I hope it inspires gay-hating folks in his base to stay home on Election Day.

John Peel, R.I.P. John Peel, one of the great popularizers of underground music in the Western world, has died of a heart attack. He was 65. A BBC Radio 1 DJ since it was founded, Peel's show was often the only place on the airwaves in Britain where acts like the Sex Pistols and his beloved Fall could get played. A devoted music fan to the last, Peel still listened to hundreds of demos sent in every week by bands hoping to get a slot on the celebrated "Peel Sessions." One of Britain's original pirate DJs, Peel got his started illegally broadcasting rock and roll from a boat in the English Channel. If you get a chance, play "Teenage Kicks" by the Undertones, his favorite song of all time, in his memory today.

Company in the Wilderness The Jon Stewart backlash is in full swing, as Salon reports today. However, here's an interesting take on Stewart's "Crossfire" appearance by Robert Parry that casts the attacks on Stewart in the light of "perception management" - an old Reagan era technique. Essentially, Parry argues that the press is ganging up on Stewart because they have a vested interest in managing a perception of the Bush administration and their coverage of it that's basically false. As with everything Robert Parry writes, there's a lot of deep, deep background material, but it's a worthwhile read.

Don't Worry About the Retirement Age: Neither Medicare Nor Social Security Will Be There When You Do Retire Along with the mooted "January surprise" exposed by the NY Times - i.e. the Bush plan to privatize Social Security following his election - there's a sinister new Bush plan afoot, this time exposed by Fortune Magazine: the Bush people want to raise the mandatory retirement age from 65 to 72. The Bush administration has been able to manipulate the bond markets to hold back the flood until after the election, but by the spring of 2005 we're going to be in our third recession since 2001. The Bush people, if elected, will try to use that recession to further cut taxes and eliminate programs like Social Security and Medicare, which they'll be able to do until mid-term elections likely return the Democrats to majorities in the House and Senate. This is the scenario: Preserving the social gains made by the New Deal or going back to the age of Herbert Hoover.

-Consider Arms
"The very limit of human blindness is to glory in being blind."
-Saint Augustine

More From The Party Of Family Values Rep. Rick Renzi (R-AZ) and Rep. Katherine Harris (R-FL), both of whom are married, got caught canoodling on the floor of the US House of Representatives as Rep. Rob Simmons talks about Iran's WMD program on C-SPAN.

Give Me A Fucking Break "Democrats say Rice and other officials like Treasury Secretary John Snow and Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge have been making most of their federally paid trips in swing states like Florida, Pennsylvania and Ohio, all of which may be critical in deciding the outcome of the Nov. 2 election. The White House dismisses the criticism and insists Rice's speeches are not campaign events but reflect her responsibility to inform the public on national security issues."

To All The Dante-Heads Out There, What Level Of Inferno Will House Christopher Hitchens? Everyone's favorite bloated, alcoholic scumbag with a Slate column is bravely still carrying the torch of "Saddam's Terrorist Connections" to justify Bush and the war in Iraq. Cringe as Hitch plays Six-Degrees Of Kevin Bacon with low-level terrorists and an Iraqi dictator.

Making Milli Vanilli Look Like A Class Act Ashlee Simpson's dad has rushed to her defense claiming that acid-reflux was to blame for her SNL lip-synching disaster. Like a shamed and flacid dude during a one-night stand, Mr. Simpson swears that this is the first time she ever needed recorded assistance onstage, but was also quick to point out that every artist uses similar crutches. "Just like any artist in America, she has a backing track that she pushes so you don't have to hear her croak through a song on national television." How true sir.

Get Your War On!


-The Sikh Geek

Monday, October 25, 2004

"I didn't know what to do so I thought I'd do a hoe-down."

And John Kerry Didn't Personally Torture POWs In Vietnam? Snopes dismisses another paranoid rumor from the Right: a frivilous lawsuit from Senator John Edwards resulted in the current shortage of the flu vaccine. When an email describes how major pharmaceutical conglomerates in the US were making the vaccines with little profit "as a favor to us," you can easily tell it's bullshit.

American Consumer-Capitalism Spreads Its Light To The World Hooters is set to open the first of many restaurants in China, with plans to expand into India.

Kerry Throws US To Pack Of Wolves Update From FactCheck: "A new Bush ad claims Kerry supported cuts in intelligence “so deep they would have weakened America ’s defenses” against terrorists, and shows a pack of hungry-looking wolves preparing to attack. Actually, the cut Kerry proposed in 1994 amounted to less than 4 percent, as part of a proposal to cut many programs to reduce the deficit. And in 1995 Porter Goss, who is now Bush’s CIA Director, co-sponsored an even strong deficit-elimination measure that would have cut CIA personnel by 20 percent over five years. When asked about that at his confirmation hearings he didn't disavow it."

-The Sikh Geek

Saturday, October 23, 2004

"US Concedes Hunt For Osama bin Laden Has Gone Cold"

Parody 0, Reality 1 Neither Willie Horton nor I can believe the latest ad coming from the Bush/Cheney camp. Entitled "Wolves," the ad shows a roaming pack of wolves lurking in a dark forest as a spooky narrator describes how Kerry and Edwards slashed funding for something and have left America vulnerable to attack from terrorists or packs of wolves or some shit. This, hot on the heels of two Bush/Cheney ads that were descibed by FactCheck as "$8 million worth of distortions." Watch the video of "Wolves"here.

And You Thought The Superbowl Ads Of "Pot Smoking = al-Qaeda Funding" Were Bullshit... Thursday during a conference on counterfeiting, Interpol claimed that fake Gucci bags and designer knock-offs are lining the pockets of terrorist organization. Call me crazy, but supplying Sadam Hussein with chemical weapons and giving millions of dollars of training to the Taliban seem like much bigger problems than MC No Shame's bogus Fendi man-purse.

Tap-Dance Your Way To A Shi'ite Theocracy "Leaders of Iraq's religious parties have emerged as the country's most popular politicians and would win the largest share of votes if an election were held today, while the U.S.-backed government of interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi is losing serious ground, according to a U.S.-financed poll by the International Republican Institute." A victory for the moderate, secular puppets backed by the US were Bush's best hope in the January elections, but the man also didn't think the war would have any casualties.

Watch the video of Ann Coulter getting attacked by al-Pieda here.

And Only 37 Months After September 11th! On Friday the federal government announced that they will now be conducting background checks on all foreigners applying to flight schools within the US.

But Hey, That's Only One-Third Of Our Record Defecit!
"With no fanfare, President Bush Friday signed the most sweeping rewrite of corporate tax law in nearly two decades, showering $136 billion in new tax breaks on businesses, farmers and other groups."

Now We Only Have To Worry About Old-School Voter Disenfranchisement The Keystone cops at the F.B.I. have announced that there really isn't a terrorist threat for the November 2nd elections after all. "Further, a key CIA source who had claimed knowledge of such plans has been discredited, casting doubt on one of the earliest pieces of evidence pointing to a possible attack."

Rush Limbaugh Had To Swallow A Fistful Of Ludes To Calm Down From This News Conspiracy theorists and right-wing radio junkies are twitching as inside sources are reporting that Bill Clinton is setting his sights on becoming U.N. secretary-general after Kofi Annan steps down in 2006.

This Makes P-Diddy's "Vote Or Die!" Campaign Seem Tame

Check Out The Monster Limo Fotolog and the blog Florida, The Phallus Of A Nation

-The Sikh Geek, weekend warrior

Friday, October 22, 2004

I Declare My Loyalty To al-Pieda

Stewart and Triumph In '08
I'm calling it now. Jon Stewart will accept the DNC's nomination in 2008 and name Triumph the Insult Comic Dog as his running mate. What are the stogie chomping, puppet dog's qualifications? See for yourself.

--MC No Shame, currently rocking out to the mighty Mos Def
TODAY'S TOP FIVE: College Students Prefer Kerry to Bush: Big Fucking Surprise.

Payola: Part 3 Eliot Spitzer, the New York State attorney general who has struck fear into the heart of corporate America, is now taking on the major labels and the scummy way they get radio play: paying "independent promoters" who operate like mafiosi (complete with beatdowns) and who plug the singles to radio stations. This practice has been investigated by Congress at least twice, but it keeps popping up. However, since the 1996 Telecommunications Act, the day of the independent promoter is rapidly vanishing. Anyway, I'm always happy to see anyone fuck with major labels.

24 Inductees Into the Douche Bag Hall of Fame 24 professional athletes have signed a letter endorsing George W. Bush for president. Put aside the nakedly hypocritical display of a party that complains bitterly about actors and musicians supporting Democrats now enlisting famous jocks into their cause, because the real horror of this is having childhood icons shattered forever. Fine, it was always clear that tools like John Elway, Nolan Ryan, and crazy racist Bob Feller were always likely to be Republicans. But, Cubs fans, gaze in horror: the letter is signed by Ernie Banks. Say it ain't so.

Tenet's Favorite Social Distortion Song: "I Was Wrong" 24-year-old Anna Clark, reporter for the Herald-Palladium of St. Joseph, Mich., snagged a great story that is now all over "the Internets" (cf. George Bush): George Tenet, visiting some chicken-in-a-basket fund-raiser in the hinterlands, admitted that the Iraq war was "wrong." Oops! Kudos to Miss Clark, and to George Tenet, for admitting the truth, even if it was two years too late.

Poor People Suck! Vote for Bush! What with all the war and disaster and election fraud and whatnot, it's easy to forget little stories like this: the Bush administration, in a burst of that compassionate conservatism we heard so much about four years ago, is getting ready to hang millions of poor people and their communities out to dry. The way it works is this: Currently, banks with $250 million or more in assets are required by the federal government to serve low-income Americans in their own neighborhoods by investing in housing programs and devlepment strategies. Since 1977, the banks of American have spent more than $1.5 trillion doing this. But now, the Bush administration wants to change the regulation so that only banks with $1 billion in assets or more are required to pass these tests, meaning that 1,100 banks are off the hook to be good citizens and millions of poor people are out to dry. But, you know, he's a man of faith.

Ann Coulter Loves Pie. . . Not that there's anything wrong with that. Two dudes at the University of Arizona threw custard pies at an appearance by the shrill McCarthyite, leading to their arrest and potential beatification. Anyone with footage of this hilarious event, send it along.

-Consider Arms
"And guys, if you exploit a girl, it will come back to get you. That's called 'karma.'"
-Bill O'Reilly, "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids"

And If You Exploit A Political Sign, It Will Come Back To Get You. A Colorado Republican who was out stealing Democratic political signs late in the night tripped over a driveway chain and knocked himself out. After the 50 year-old man was put in an ambulance and treated at a hospital, he was given a court summons.

It's Now Official, Bush Supporters Are Morons
Polls conducted in late September and October of almost 1,000 people has shown that Bush supporters largely hold opinions on world events that are not true with 72% believing that Iraq had WMDs, 75% believing that al-Qaeda had substantial support from Iraq and only 31% believing that world opinion was against the Iraqi War.

-The Sikh Geek

Thursday, October 21, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Too Excited About the Red Sox To Write a Jokey Headline.

Don't Call It a Comeback...Wait, No, Go Ahead and Call It a Comeback Down 3 games to nothing, five days ago the Red Sox were in a hopeless situation. No team had ever come back from an 0-3 deficit, and the Yankees had outscored the sox 32-14 in three games. And then, following three of the greatest games in the history of baseball, the Sox slammed the door shut last night in the hated citadel of evil itself, the nexus of poisons and terror, Yankee Stadium. 10-3. The first pennant since 1986. The good guys finally winning. Landsdowne Street in flames: Hey, we're talking about Boston, after all.

Is Nothing Going Right for the Forces of Evil? What a bad day to be evil: the Yankees carry out the greatest post-season choke in the history of professional sports, and a federal judge slaps down the Bush administration, ruling that Guantanamo detainees have to be given access to lawyers, and furthermore that the government can't monitor conversations between lawyers and their clients. What's next, black people voting?

This is Going to Make One Hell of a Very Special Episode of "ER" The Selective Service is mulling a "skills draft" for medical personnel only, seen as a precursor to what a reinstated draft would look like: not a general dragnet of the male population, but targeted drafts of professions that have valuable military applications, like computer specialists, nurses, and doctors. That liberal arts degree doesn't seem like such a waste of time now, does it?

The Global Test It's funny: When anyone suggests that we should perhaps consult other nations before launching major invasions, they are accused of submitting U.S. national security decisions to veto by foreign country. We don't want foreigners telling us where our troops can and can't go, after all. However, we really, really like telling foreigners where to put their troops. Case in point: We are demanding that Britain actually move some of its troops, you know, where there's some fighting in Iraq. The British naturally are not keen on this, but Tony Blair, who gives lapdogs a bad name, is going ahead and obeying Bush's orders. Thumbs up Tony!

From Our "Election Headlines We Never Thought We'd See" Dept. The New York Times reports "Vatican Says Kerry Stance on Abortion Not Heresy." When's the last time you saw the word "heresy" used in a headline about a U.S. presidential election? Anyway, here's the story, which should be a final rebuke to "conservative Catholics" (although we know that there is no rebuking these shameless tools): the Vatican says Kerry can be pro-abortion and still receive Communion. Can we please talk about something else? I've got one: How about that Derek Lowe? And Johnny Damon: two home runs in Game 7!

-Consider Arms
Schadenfreude, Bitches.

Bedtime For Democracy
It doesn't take a mathemagician to see something horrible wrong in these stats. If 2/3rds of Florida voters expect their vote to be counted, then one third DO NOT expect their vote to count. Less than half believe the election will be free of fraud. THIS is why Jimmy Carter wants to bring in the UN.

And The Troops Were To Have Extra Soft Shoes To Stroll Down The Roads Made Of Sugar...
In the same arena of insanity as Bush expecting no casualties in Iraq, the CIA proposed smuggling hundreds of US flags into Iraq before the invasion so the throngs of cheering Iraqis would have something to wave at US troops as they triumphantly entered. Do professionals in the military actually think like this? "The flags are probably still sitting in a bag somewhere. One of the towns where they said we would be welcomed was Nasiriyah, where Marines faced some of the toughest fighting in the war."

Falafelgate Pile-On I and II "Some of the most influential people in our society—like Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Robert Downey Jr., and Darryl Strawberry—provide a dismal example to our nation's youth." -Bill O'Reilly

Ringing Endorsement From The Axis Of Evil Iran has come out with its endorsement of George Bush for president, probably because the annointed boy prince destabilized their arch-enemy and pushed it headlong towards a civil war/future Shi'ite theocracy all while turning a blind eye towards their nuke program. "But dude, 10 out of 10 terrorists agree, anybody but Bush..."

And By "Most Liberal Senator" We Mean "Eleventh Most Liberal"

-The Sikh Geek

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

This Made My Week

This may not mean as much to the east coast folks, but some of you may remember a kid named Mike Denny. He was in two great bands, Amenity and Forced Down, and ran DownSide Records. When i met met him in 1989 he had a "X" dyed in the back of his head (for those who don't know, an "X" is the international symbol of straight edge - no drinking, no drugs.) I went on to book shows for both of his bands and he gave me the contact info for pressing the first records for my label. Anyway, i haven't talked to him in over 10 years and i just found out what he is up to now. Click the link above and make sure to go to 'media' and then watch the video. It is amazing.

-Lil' Antonin
A Cheap Ballplayer Of Truth Slapping A Ball Of Falsehood Out Of The Glove Of Power

When Pat Robertson Is The Voice Of Reason, I Get Nervous "The founder of the U.S. Christian Coalition said Tuesday he told President George W. Bush before the invasion of Iraq that he should prepare Americans for the likelihood of casualties, but the president told him, 'We're not going to have any casualties.'" When has there EVER been a war without casualties? The Cola Wars? Like McCain and Buchanan, it amazes me that people with enormous and serious resevations about Bush can still gleefully promote him, in this case claiming that "I just think God's blessing is on him." Well, Robertson also believes that God talks to him directly, so I guess he gets a lunatic pass.
P.S. Don't you dare reference Mark Twain, Pat. If he were still alive, the man from Hannibal would tear you and your annointed dauphin to fucking shreds.

Chicken Little With A Gay Daughter Dick Cheney is back doing his patented gloom and doom soft-shoe routine, warning voters in Ohio that terrorists could nuke major US cities. "Said Mark Kitchens, Kerry campaign national security spokesman, 'He wants to scare Americans about a possible nuclear 9/11 while the Bush administration has been on the sidelines while the nuclear threats from North Korea and Iran - the word's leading sponsor of terrorism - have increased.'"

Check Out The Monster Limo Fotolog

-The Sikh Geek

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Farewell Mustachioed, Hindustani Jesse James

At Least They Were Smart Enough To Not Wear Their "Don't Kick Our Fucking Asses" T-Shirts Three Oregon schoolteachers were removed from a speech by George Bush in Medford and threatened with arrest for wearing t-shirts that said "Protect Our Civil Liberties." According to the Bend Bugle, "When Vice President Dick Cheney visited Eugene, Oregon on Sept. 17, a 54-Year old woman named Perry Patterson was charged with criminal trespass for blurting the word "No" when Cheney said that George W. Bush has made the world safer."

Do The John McCain!
It's the latest dance craze that's sweeping right-wingers of conscience! First you take a logical step to Kerry, then you make a gigantic spastic jerk back towards Bush, despite yourself! The latest to join this dance craze is Pat Buchanan, who not long after publicly coming out for Kerry has just come out in The American Conservative for Bush. Witness the display of inner-conflict as Buchanan lays Iraq and the deficit at Bush's feet (who he claims to be seduced with "the Arian heresy of America," neo-conservatism) but still stands against Kerry for short list of petty and irrational complaints ("He protested the war! He would make Hillary Clinton a Supreme Court judge!"). We'll at least I won't have the mind-fuck of being on Pat Buchanan's side anymore...

Post-War Planning Non-Existent
So terrible it requires no sarcastic commentary. "Near the end of his presentation, an Army lieutenant colonel who was giving a briefing showed a slide describing the Pentagon's plans for rebuilding Iraq after the war, known in the planners' parlance as Phase 4-C. He was uncomfortable with his material - and for good reason. The slide said: 'To Be Provided.'"

That's Cool, Smoking Was Too Safe Anyways "A bill that's awaiting President George W. Bush's signature would drop requirements for imported tobacco to be inspected for chemicals and pesticides banned in the United States but allowed elsewhere. In other words, government officials would no longer be required to look for substances such as DDT in imported leaf."

Bullshit Propaganda II: This Time It's Personal
Vladamir Putin is doing his part for the Big Lie: terrorists don't want Bush to win the election. The Russian JV dictator told the press that "I consider the activities of terrorists in Iraq are not as much aimed at coalition forces but more personally against President Bush." I'm sure it's just one big street beef.

-The Sikh Geek
Farewell Mustachioed, Hindustani Jesse James

At Least They Were Smart Enough To Not Wear Their "Don't Kick Our Fucking Asses" T-Shirts Three Oregon schoolteachers were removed from a speech by George Bush in Medford and threatened with arrest for wearing t-shirts that said "Protect Our Civil Liberties." According to the Bend Bugle, "When Vice President Dick Cheney visited Eugene, Oregon on Sept. 17, a 54-Year old woman named Perry Patterson was charged with criminal trespass for blurting the word "No" when Cheney said that George W. Bush has made the world safer."

Do The John McCain!
It's the latest dance craze that's sweeping right-wingers of conscience! First you take a logical step to Kerry, then you make a gigantic spastic jerk back towards Bush, despite yourself! The latest to join this dance craze is Pat Buchanan, who not long after publicly coming out for Kerry has just come out in The American Conservative for Bush. Witness the display of inner-conflict as Buchanan lays Iraq and the deficit at Bush's feet (who he claims to be seduced with "the Arian heresy of America," neo-conservatism) but still stands against Kerry for short list of petty and irrational complaints ("He protested the war! He would make Hillary Clinton a Supreme Court judge!"). We'll at least I won't have the mind-fuck of being on Pat Buchanan's side anymore...

Post-War Planning Non-Existent
So terrible it requires no sarcastic commentary. "Near the end of his presentation, an Army lieutenant colonel who was giving a briefing showed a slide describing the Pentagon's plans for rebuilding Iraq after the war, known in the planners' parlance as Phase 4-C. He was uncomfortable with his material - and for good reason. The slide said: 'To Be Provided.'"

That's Cool, Smoking Was Too Safe Anyways "A bill that's awaiting President George W. Bush's signature would drop requirements for imported tobacco to be inspected for chemicals and pesticides banned in the United States but allowed elsewhere. In other words, government officials would no longer be required to look for substances such as DDT in imported leaf."

Bullshit Propaganda II: This Time It's Personal
Vladamir Putin is doing his part for the Big Lie: terrorists don't want Bush to win the election. The Russian JV dictator told the press that "I consider the activities of terrorists in Iraq are not as much aimed at coalition forces but more personally against President Bush." I'm sure it's just one big street beef.

-The Sikh Geek

Monday, October 18, 2004

Don't Wanna Be An American Idiot

This Is Why The Sikh Geek Believes In Enlightened Despotism Mark Twain once said somethying to the effect of, "Consider the intelligence of the average American, and then shudder when you realise that half of the country is dumber than he is." Confirming all of our fears, a paper from the Cato Institute last month showed just how frightening the depths of voter ignorance are. Despite free public education for all and a culture flooded with access to information, "most individual voters are abysmally ignorant of even very basic political information... a relatively stable level of extreme ignorance has persisted." "In a February survey, more than 60 percent of respondents did not realize increases in domestic spending under Bush have contributed substantially to skyrocketing federal budget deficits. As of April, 58 percent admitted to knowing "not much" or "nothing" about the PATRIOT Act." Maybe the vote shouldn't be rocked as much as it should be left the fuck alone.

Gayest Conspiracy Theory Ever In August the vice president told supporters during a campaign stop in Iowa "Lynne and I have a gay daughter, so it's an issue our family is very familiar with." After Alan Keyes called Mary Cheney a "sinner" and a "selfish hedonist" in September Dick and wife said nothing. During the VP debates Destro politely thanked John Edwards after the Senator mentioned Mary Cheney's wicked gayness. Why then would the Cheneys get so upset after John Kerry mentioned during the third presidential debate that they had a lesbian daughter? Indicators suggest that the outrage might have come from Mary Cheney herself, in a strategically planned attempt to boost the GOP campaign.

Our Peers, Sarcastic Assholes With DSL Connections In the continuing saga of the falafel fall-out,'s listing of Bill O'Reilly's book, "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids : A Survival Guide for America's Families" is getting swamped with bogus reviews. Just as funny as the falafel gags are the angry responses from the grammatically disinclined No Spin Soldiers. " you read some crap that he was accused of saying for christs sake I bet all the guys who put him down do the same thing the book is great so go teach your kids to go fight a war and then spit on your fellow soldiers you morons..."

-The Sikh Geek
TODAY'S TOP FIVE: A Pox On "The Reality-Based Community"!

Anglican Slap Fight! The Anglican Church just released its report on the consecration of Gene Robinson as bishop of New Hampshire. Robinson is gay, and his election caused huge problems in the worldwide Anglican Communion, particularly in the African and Asian churches. Surprisingly, the British Anglicans who compiled the report sided with the traditionalists, urging the American bishops to apologize, consider stepping down, and not promote anyone else living in a gay relationship.

The Daily Mayhem: Israel Edition A series of rocket attacks have pushed the death toll from Israel's attack on Gaza, dubbed "Operation: Days of Penitence," to 100, the worst count for a single operation during the round of fighting that began just under four years ago.

Facts Are Stupid Things The must-read article of the week is Ron Suskind's New York Times Magazine account of Bush's "faith," which, in Suskind's telling, bears less resemblance to what we understand of Christianity than to Schopenhauer's concept of the Will. Here's what a senior Bush aide told Suskind: "That's not the way the world really works anymore. We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors... and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do." Well, at least we get to study! You also may take some grim pleasure out of the passage in which Bush insists to U.S. Rep. Tom Lantos that it's Sweden, rather than Switzerland, which is historically neutral and has "no army."

A Voice From the Grown-ups' Table Former Bush I National Security Advisor Brent Scowcroft has come out swinging against Ariel Sharon and George W. Bush, saying Sharon is "nothing but trouble" and has Bush "wrapped around his little finger." He also said Iraq is a failure and Bush doesn't understand the way the world works. Man, I remember when I thought guys like Brent Scowcroft were the problem...

What Does It Say About Your Political Party When You Only Succeed If Fewer People Show Up? Here's a good Krugman column detailing some of the most egregious recent examples of Republican efforts to suppress the right to vote this year, from Sproul's dirty tricks in Oregon and Arizona to the astonishing, shameful mess that is the Florida election system. Remember: this is not Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe. This is the United States, and we're quickly slipping toward an unprecedented outbreak of lawlessness and fraud.

-Consider Arms

Sunday, October 17, 2004

We're All In The Same Gang AKA Friends Of Priviledge Stick Together In All But The Fairest Weather
Say them with me loyal MLWL readers, the juicy tabbo words of modern political discourse are priviledge and class. In the wake of Jon Stewart's incredible appearance on Crossfire, alot of the political press has come out to show their true colors. Don't be fooled, no matter what sides or spins people in the major media claim to take, they're all in the same clique with the same vested interests: elite liberal arts schools, internships at Yale and the NY Times and the same safety nets of upper class family money. At the end of the day, the liberal from the Washington Post, the conservative from Fox and the non-partisan lobbyist for a major corporation will all dine together for $70 a plate at La Brasserie in DC. James Carville goes to bed with Mary Matalin (and bounces from helping Clinton to crushing Hugo Chavez without a second thought). Wonkette has her old friends at the CJR, is married to someone at the Washington Monthly and can chummingly call up Tucker Carlson on her cell phone. No one in the press will rightly call for Robert Novak's imprisonment. There are no outsiders. Maybe that's why so many in the media find Jon Stewart such a nuisance. He's out of the Beltway, not from their web of private-schools and pulled-strings and he gets the respect and ratings that they don't. When an outsider crashes the party, the little club will band together to defend their turf. Witness this little blurb by Wonkette and her petty smearing of Stewart as someone who is "auditioning for the position of assistant professor of journalism at Blue State Junior College." It's just so embarrassing when someone forgets to affect their bored Beltway malaise and hack it up like the sycophantic AP students that they once were and continue to be. The fact of the matter is that the only credentials a journalist needs is intelligence and articulation. One can hope that journalism could become a simple trade judged by the journalists own work, like it was a few decades ago, and not the guilded treefort it is.

Britons Justified In Fearing Spiders More Than Terrorists A new documentary is coming out on BBC2 that suggests dirty bombs would be less deadly than they are thought to be and that al-Qaeda is more of a foggy notion than an organized terrorist hit squad. This American is left to wonder just why the BBC would hate freedome and liberty so much.

Falafel Fall-Out Fox is already making moves to fire the woman who has accused Bill O'Reilly of sexual harrassment, and adding insult to injury, wants a judge to declare that it isn't retribution for her lawsuit. Let's hope they have the same legal fortune they did when suing Al Franken.

Falafel Fall-Out II In his column for Beliefnet, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, like most conservative pundits is quick to preach about personal responsibility and the neccessary of believing in "right" and "wrong." Like most conservative pundits, when one of his own falls from grace, Boteach falls over himself turning into an instant moral relativist, giving O'Reilly as many excuses as he can. ("It's not his fault! It's Britney Spears, Sex in the City and Victoria's Secret!") Fun spectator sport for the rest of Falafelgate: watch those who screamed themselves hoarse over Monica Lewinsky backpeddle like a dyslexic cyclist trying to justify O'Reilly's dirty-ass self.

I Don't Know, Totally Sounds Like A Bit Of Bad Luck To Me

Osama P. Bin-Laden Riding Coach I don't know what to be frightened of more: the scary Homeland Security measures that take away civil liberties, or how hopeless those measures are when it comes to stopping terrorism in the real world. Case in point: after the heroic capture of mass-murderer Cat Stevens it has come out that the "no-fly list" can't keep tabs on alternate spellings of foreign names and in some cases is faked out by the addition of a middle initial.

30 Years Of Good Fun, Absolute Lack Of Contact With Girls Happy Birthday D&D!

-The Sikh Geek, getting it all out of his system

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Like A Mediocre High School Teacher Out With The Flu, Just Leaving You With A Bunch Of Videos

Terrifying Video Of Bush Via DailyKos "The clip is a 'thank you' message taped by Bush for the members of the Iraqi Survey Group. It hasn't been altered in any way. The fact he can barely finish his sentences should be a genuine cause for concern. This was no impromptu appearance, like his disastrous press conferences and debate appearances. This was a planned, scripted, recorded address.I'm starting to think rumors of Bush's ill health may have basis in reality. Watch the clip and decide for yourself. It clearly made a stir amongst the members of the ISG."

Best Reworking Of Schoolhouse Rock Since That Blind Melon "3" Song An incredible animated homage to Schoolhouse Rock and Noam Chomsky that details the history of imperialism (and modern America's massive role in it) all worked around a quote from Saint Augustine(!!!) that compared pirates to emporers. Fantastic.

A Fear-Filled Storm To Terrorize An amazing montage video that compiles all of the fear-invoking phrases used at the Republican National Convention in NY.

-The Sikh Geek

Friday, October 15, 2004

And This Is Why He Is A God To The 18-34 Set
No transcipt just yet but be sure to either go to tomorrow, or any of the millions of blogs that are gonna go toally ape over this, to see John Stewart's comments on today's edition of Crossfire. Here's a sample: after Tucker Carlson asked Stewart a question concerning the maturity level of his show's content, Stewart asked, "How old are you?" "35", responded Carlson. To which Stewart said, "And you still wear a bow tie? Not that that means you're not intelligent, because those things are hard to tie." That was the KINDEST thing he said the entire time. You've never seen professional pundits look so uncomfortable on their own show. Fucking amazing.

UPDATE: Get the rush transcript of the show here.
UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: See the video fo the show here.

-MC No Shame
Sex With A Falafel? Now That's Kinky.

Neil Sherman of Germantown, Tennessee: Decidedly A Douchebag. I'm sure some MLWL readers are fans of the "What Do You Think?" feature in the Onion. Yet again, parody of reality is no match for reality itself.

A Zell Miller For Our Times Does the Senator from Connecticut has enough "Joementum" to make himself into a complete Republican turncoat? As the Palm Beach Post reported on Thursday, "Democratic" Senator Joe Lieberman praised George Bush in front of a group of several hundred voters while casting doubt on Kerry. Does Jumpin' Joe know why W loves Israel so much? To usher in the apocalypse and a mass conversion of the Jews. Fight the good fight against video games and candy and stick with what you do best, bhenchod.

Why Are Those Palestinians So Uptight Anyway? Oh, this might be a reason. "The Israeli army on Wednesday suspended a platoon commander on suspicion that he “verified a kill” by emptying his rifle into a wounded 13-year-old Palestinian girl."

Record High Oil Prices Get Thunder Stolen
"Bush took office after a four-year string of federal surpluses, and the 2004 surplus of $387 billion that he forecast upon taking office became an actual deficit of $413 billion — an $800 billion reversal." I'm just glad that the GOP has enough die-hard optimism to refer to it as "the president's plan of... spending discipline." If our country was a single person, we'd have a boot on our car by now.

-The Sikh Geek, the most undecided he's ever been

Thursday, October 14, 2004

I Want MC NO Shame In A Carribean Shower Damnit.

Another Victory For The Party Of Family Values
"New York Republican state senator John “Randy” Kuhl, who is vying for a spot in the U.S. House of Representatives, once brandished two shotguns and threatened to shoot his wife at a dinner party, according to divorce records acquired by The Raw Story."

Third Rail For A Crooked Third Party Candidate
Not long after being taken off the Pennsylvania ballot for having "Mickey Mouse" and "Fred Flinstone" on Nader's petitions, Ralph has been taken off the Ohio ballot after a federal judge ruled the campaign's petition circulators committed "widespread" and "substantial" fraud.

White Lines (In The Sky)(Don't Do It) Here's an interesting twist on our ongoing apocalypse watch. NASA scientists are starting to believe that clouds caused by airplane exhaust may be responsible for warming climates.

All Because Of Die Hard Fans Of Wham!

Destroy The Machines ALA Earth Crisis
"A 14-year-old Ukrainian girl has struck a blow for humanity in the war against belligerent technology by completely destroying a Yalta cash machine - with her bare hands."

-The Sikh Geek, "hot" Italian blogger

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

O'Reilly Sex-capade UPDATE!!
Once again, God bless The Smoking Gun. In all it's lascivious glory here's Andrea Mackris's sexually harassment lawsuit against Bill O'Liely. Looks like our boy Bill is letting his freak flag fly. Even the Sikh Geek isn't this much of a perv-o. WARNING: Do not read if you've just eaten.

-MC No Shame
Guess Who's Back?

"O'Reilly Factor" Producer Demands $60 Million To "Shut Up!"
I hate frivolous lawsuits just like George Bush, but a $60 million sexual harassment lawsuit against Bill O'Reilly is a gift from God. O'Reilly has preemptively sued his own Associate Producer, Andrea Mackris, after she demanded 60 million big ones to "keep quiet" on a sexual harassment charge. The lawsuit claims that the big, blotchy, bully suffered "great mental strain, anguish and severe emotional distress" over the whole ordeal and is seeking a unspecified amount. Can't wait to hear about this in the "No Spin Zone."

No Sikh Geek, Nevada Is The Worst State Ever
It's getting shady in here, so expunge the Democrats from your rolls! Dan Burdish, former head of the state Republican Party in Nevada, has been rebuffed by voting officials in his effort to purge 17,000 registered Democrats off the rolls. Burdish claimed that the voters were inactive, but Clark County Registrar of Voters Larry Lomax pointed out that "Burdish could only challenge voters in his precinct, and then only if he has personal knowledge that they are inactive." Something tells me Burdish doesn't have all 17,000 as his Friendster friends, and therefore doesn't know shit about their voting status. Those damn UN election monitors better clear their calendars for early November.

Sikh Geek, Would I Lie To You?
NV State Assembly Speaker Richard Perkins is launching an investigation into whether or not an organization called Voters' Outreach of America destroyed registration forms filled out by Democrats. Nevada is the new Florida.

--MC No Shame, ready to see Kerry deliver the KO tonight
TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Watching Bush's Back. Literally.

Also: Britain Formally Acknowledges Gallipoli "Not The Best Place" To Strike At Ottoman Menace British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw announced yesterday that Britain has formally withdrawn its claim that Saddam was capable of deploying WMD within 45 minutes of giving the order, one of the key points in Tony Blair's argument for war. Um, isn't that a little redundant, coming, as it does, a week after Charles Duelfer told the U.S. Senate that there were no WMD in Iraq whatsoever? Well, as long as we're admitting long-since-past mistakes, I want an apology for torching the White House in 1813.

The Daily Mayhem: Iraq Edition Four American soldiers were killed today in bombing attacks in Iraq, as insurgents and occupation troops battle it out in the run-up to Ramadan.

Oh Mama, This Ain't Good Not only have nuclear materials in Iraq been disappearing - whole fucking buildings used by Saddam's nuclear program are vanishing, according to the International Atomic Energy Agency. Now, the first thing that's probably leapt to mind is, "Shit - terrorists are building some kind of obscene dirty bomb." Perhaps, but I doubt that guys who still consider beheading the height of guerrilla warfare technologically equipped to dismantle a building. No, I think there's only power in Iraq right now with that kind of stroke...any chance we'll hear of "Saddam's nuclear weapons program found!" by November 2?

FBI vs. Indymedia The International Federation of Journalists, which represents more than 500,000 journalists worldwide, is calling for an investigation into the FBI seizure of Indymedia servers in Britain (the FBI in Britain? Is that more of the dreaded "internationalism" the Republicans are telling us we should fear) that brought down 21 of the organization's 140 worldwide web sites. The IFJ contends that the seizure is related to the U.S. election, in particular to a successful effort by Indymedia San Francisco to fight off an attempt by Diebold to have the group remove documents from its site showing huge problems with black box voting.

Get Ready to Vomit in Terror James Baker, the Bush family's sinister Tom Hagen figure, is on pace to provide a new definition of the word chutzpah. Baker has been enlisted by Bush to persuade the world to forgive Iraq its crushing, $200 billion debt. At the same time, he is being retained by the Carlyle Group to force Iraq to pay $27 billion in money it owes to Kuwait; the Carlyle Group stands to make millions in fees. The naked, unashamed evil of this leaves me speechless. Insert your own outraged comment here: ________________________________________________________.

-Consider Arms
Williamsburg Hipsters Protest Gentrification

An Important Statement That I'm Sure We'll See Widely Reported In The Media
"Bill Janklow's commenting on the resignation of six people connected with the state Republican Party over absentee ballot applications. The former governor and congressman says the national GOP is encouraging campaign workers to cheat. He says his ire is directed at the Republican Party's Victory operation, which helps register people and get them to the polls."

It Is A Dire Situation Indeed That Makes Me Side With The Potheads Jonathan Magbie, a 27 year-old quadriplegic, was sent to a DC jail for 10-days after being found guilty of marijuana possession. He never left. Jonathan died while in custody. I feel safer already...

And Since The War On Drugs Has Been So Successful The Justice Department is seeking broad new powers, based on the war on drugs, to fight copyright infringement and piracy, a "widespread" problem "that can be addressed only through more spending, more FBI agents and more power for prosecutors." Cat-fearer John Ashcroft said, "The department is prepared to build the strongest, most aggressive legal assault against intellectual-property crime in our nation's history." A lobbyist for Kazaa was quoted as saying "They could be proposing here the greatest mass criminalization of conduct by otherwise law-abiding citizens since Prohibition. Congress should think long and hard before they treat noncommercial infringement by ordinary citizens...the same as prosecutions of organized crime."

Germans Are Fucking Weird Dining in complete darkness while being served by blind waiters. Performance art? Kafka-esque metaphor? Try the latest German restaurant Unsicht-Bar. "Because diners aren't allowed to bring in matches, flashlights, or lighters, a restaurant staff member will lead a patron to a candlelit bathroom when necessary."

Haters. Self-Admitted Haters.
Juvenile right-wing attacks on Kerry don't phase us, neither do the blogs dedicated to them. But why would you call a group of Anti-Kerry blog the "Digital Brownshirt Alliance?"

-The Sikh Geek

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Not Safe For Work.

Is This The End Of Zombie Shakespeare? Last night, the Israeli parliament voted down Sharon's gonzo Gaza withdrawal plan, casting doubt on his ability to lead the country. He has two options: Call early elections, or try to enlist more parties, including the opposition Labor Party, in the cabinet. He's going to try for the latter, as it looks like the former could bring his blood-drenched reign to an end. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

MLWL EXCLUSIVE: WMD FOUND!!! MUST CREDIT MONSTER LIMO WEBLOG!!! Of course, the weapons of mass destruction have been found in Pakistan, where the government admitted to testing this week a missile with a range of 930 miles, capable of hitting most major cities in India. And did I mention that it's a nuclear-capable missile? Pakistan, naturally, denies that this is intended to "send a message" to India. Don't worry, guys, I'm sure nobody in India even noticed.

ExxonMobil In "Total Bastards" Shocker! Boy, you'd never guess it, but the Artist Formerly Known As Standard Oil is urging its more than 34,000 employees to vote Republican this year, pointing out that the Republican Party is much closer to ExxonMobil on crucial issues like Arctic drilling, weakening the Clean Air Act, spurning global warming legislation, and obseiance to the Dark Lord of Fevers and Pestilences.

Secret Code Alert! Secret Code Alert! Get Out Your Decoder Rings! You may have pondered why George W. Bush brought up the Dred Scott decision in the course of his debate Friday (angling for that crucial fugitive slave vote?); you may even have noticed that the Dred Scott decision is code for anti-abortion groups. Here, though, is an excellent discussion not only of the super secret code reference itself, but also of the possible reasons why Bush made it. Surely, you say, Bush already has the anti-abortion vote locked up? Indeed, but he's terrified that his base won't come out and support him because he's such a fundamentally anti-conservative president. Speaking in the Babysitters Club language of the insiders is a way to mobilize the base.

What Does a Conservative Call a Soldier Opposed to the War? Self-Hating Troops? Dissatisfaction with the Iraq War: it's not just for civilians anymore. Groups like Iraq Veterans Against the War are forming to oppose what they know better than anyone else: the war that has always been a giant clusterfuck that produces only Iraqi and American casualties. This is a worthwhile article about the people treated as low-rent employees to fight a war on behalf of the neocons and Halliburton, and the troubles they're encountering because of it: suicides, lifelong health problems, mental illness.

-Consider Arms
Crazy Enough To Represent The Fine State Of Kentucky, THAT'S How Crazy!

We Were Wondering When The Next Revolting PETA Ad Was Coming Out...
And here it is. Adding to the already present star-power of Steven Seagal and Bea Arthur, "Australia's sexiest model" Imogen Baily can be seen naked, shackled and mutilated in PETA's latest campaign for Thai baby elephants. Nothing says "positive change for a more humane world" more than eroticized violence against women. Soy-based bhenchods.

I Think Of All The Education That I Missed...
A GOP Senate candidate from Oklahoma named Tom Coburn has warned the people of his fine state of "rampant" lesbianism in some schools in Oklahoma, according to a tape released by his Democratic opponent. "...lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that's happened to us?" An embittered MC No Shame can only ask how it is that he didn't go to high school in southeastern Oklahoma.

-The Sikh Geek

Monday, October 11, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Special "Naive and Dangerous" Edition.

No Political Agenda Here The Sinclair Broadcasting Group, which controls TV stations that reach roughly 25 percent of the country's viewing audience, is REQUIRIING all of its stations to pre-empt primetime programming in order to show an anti-Kerry documentary called "Stolen Honor: Wounds That Never Heal." Sinclair, remember, ordered its seven ABC stations not to air the episode of Nightline dedicated to U.S. casualties in Iraq because the company's executives said it "appeared to be motivated by a political agenda."

Is the President Communicating Through the Wire Like Kanye West? The "Was Bush Wired?" debate continues to rage, picked up now by the mainstream press and fueled by the White House's lame denials. Initially, the White House claimed that the pictures of Bush with a bulge in his coat were doctored, they now concede that they're real, but say he's simply wearing a "wrinkled suit." Also, they shot down a popular theory among right-wing bloggers that Bush was wearing a bulletproof vest like 50 Cent; no vest, says the White House. Already, photos from Friday's debate showing a similar hump on Bush's back are making the rounds.

We Will Smash Terrorists Wherever They Are...In One Month The U.S. military is going to refrain from major assaults on rebel-held strongholds in Iraq until after the presidential election, mindful that such full-scale assaults could produce significant casualty lists that would not be conducive to President Bush's re-election. Note to U.S. service personnel: The president is allowing your enemies to gain strength, because fighting them now could endanger his job. Instead, he is willing to have you face a more dangerous situation in a month. Please remember this when filling out your absentee ballots.

Dispatches from the Headscarf Wars Not content to let longtime rival France do all the discriminating, the German state of Baden-Wurttemburg has now banned the hijab for Muslim women in public buildings, a ban that now extends to nuns wearing their habits. Reports that the Vatican plans to retaliate by forbidding German tourists from wearing those ridiculous little shorts they favor could not be confirmed at press time.

Mahdi Army Disarms! Peace Breaks Out in Iraq! Bush Swept to Historic Third Term on Wave of Adulation! Such will be the headlines accompanying the Mahdi Army's "disarmament" in Sadr City. Don't be fooled: Iraqi military officials are getting only a handful of weapons; at some collection points, there are no weapons being handed in at all. The Mahdi Army is about as likely to disarm as Bush is to start quoting Ovid in Latin.

-Consider Arms, "nec quicquam nisi pondus iners congestaque eodem"
So Long Superman

What's That Long German Word Again? A judge has ordered NY Times reporter Judith Miller to jail for 18 months for being in contempt of court by refusing to divulge her source in the leak of an undercover CIA agent's identity. We can only hope for maximum security.

An Unenviable Job If Ever There Was One "I understand all about wanting to have an adventure, but Iraq could be a one-way trip. This is just not a place for tourists." So says Ahmad al-Jobori, Iraq's new tourism chief.

Lynne Cheney, History-Hater The Department of Education has destroyed 300,000 booklets desgined to help parents teach their children history over the summer after Lynne Cheney complained about references to national standards that she found not pro-American enough, most notably because they didn't pay enough attention to General Robert E. Lee.

Gee, WHY To Black Voters Lean Democratic? Maybe because the disenfranchisement of the Black vote feels like a throwback to the early sixties. As this Sunday Herald article details, there is a staggering effort across the country to take away votes in predominantly BLack (and Democratic) areas. "In Texas, students at a mainly black college called Prairie View A&M University were told by the district attorney that they were not allowed to vote as the college wasn’t a voting address." "In Louisiana flyers were distributed in black neighbourhoods telling voters that if it was rainy they could vote the day after the election. In Maryland, flyers went up listing the wrong date for the election." "Other irregularities noted by the NAACP included Son Kinon, a South Carolina Republican in the House of Representatives, issuing a brochure to black voters which said the FBI would be checking to see if wanted felons were among voters. Kinon wrote: 'This election is not worth going to jail [for].'"

Like An All-You-Can-Eat Buffet For O'Reilly Haters

-The Sikh Geek

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Throw Transport Down The Well

Well, At Least We're Totally Safe From The COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVIOUS Terrorists
An Iraqi man was recently arrested at a Krispy Kreme in Nashville for trying to purchase guns and grenades. Crisco-annointing freak John Ashcrift touted the bust as a demonstration of "our ability to thwart potential threats to our communities before an attack can be carried out." Look at the guy's van, how could you NOT be suspcious of him?

If All The Insurgents Get Married In October, Bush Will Totally Have The War In Iraq Won By The Election In a self-described "precision strike," the US killed at least 12 people that were part of a wedding party, with the groom being counted among the dead. Loyal MLWL readres will mark this as at least the third wedding party attacked by US forces since the war began.

Unsafe In Any Election As Nader supporters complain about unfair treatment, their (and the GOP's) attempt to get Ralph on the ballot is so riddled with fraud and illegality that it cries out for an investigation by 1960s Ralph Nader. In Philly, a judge expects 70% of the ballot signatures for Nader to be illegal. Already, 10,000 of 40,000 signatures have been declared invalid.

Thank God The Pope Didn't Get The Nobel Prize His stance against condoms might have tarnished the good name of the prize, so richly deserved by other Nobel receipients like Kenyan ecologist Wangari Maathai, who recently reiterated her claim that the AIDS virus was deliberately created in a Western lab. "It's true that there are some people who create agents to wipe out other people. If there were no such people, we could have not have invaded Iraq. We invaded Iraq because we believed that Saddam Hussein had made, or was in the process of creating agents of biological warfare. In fact it (the HIV virus) is created by a scientist for biological warfare." The Nobel Prize for Peace hasn't meant much since Kissinger and Arafat won it.

So I Won't Have To Constantly Repeat Myself With New Record Oil Prices Everyday Until We Hit $60 A Barrel

The Trick-Or-Treaters And Osama Bin Laden Will Come Out On Halloween Jaded speculation on a pre-election capture of Osama Bin Laden have already been running high, and they'll only run higher with Bush's brain AKA Karl Rove saying that the BC04 campaign is planning some October "surprises."

Ain't No Party Like A Flip-Flop Party Cause A Flip-Flop Party Don't Stop As any freshman undergrad psych major will tell you, "When someone, like, talks shit about you, it's like, only because they're like ashamed that they, like, do the same thing."

"I Prefer To Be With REAL Americans, In THEIR Private Jets." Be aware of any conservative pundit who tries to sell you on basic, everyday American values and their kinship with the common Heartlander. Whether it's Ann Coulter rich upringing in New Canaan, Connecticut, Rush Limbaugh's multi-multimillion dollar mansion in Florida or Bill O'Reilly's reported annual salary of $4.5 million, it's clear that any talking head who rallies behind a cartoon perception of "the common man" will be anything but common themselves. Case in point, take Sean Hannity (please!) who less than a week before he was scheudled to speak at a Saint Louis university, dropped out of the engagement because the first-class ticket and private jets he was offered weren't to his liking. This from a man who routinely uses the phrase "us common people" and attacks John Kerry for having an "elitist lifestyle." What circle of the Inferno holds the hypocrites MC No Shame?

-The Sikh Geek

Friday, October 08, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: A Fading Pop Princess of Truth Throwing a Soda of Sarcasm Onto a Papparazzo of Lies.

The Daily Mayhem: Egypt Edition A series of bombs struck resort areas in Egypt's Sinai peninsula today, killing at least 27. No one has claimed responsibility for the bombings, but it seems Islamic terrorists are likely to blame, as the bombings seem like they were aimed at Israeli tourists.

Hot New Post Facto Justification for Iraq War! On Thursday, following the report before Congress of the Iraq Survey Group (i.e. Saddam had no WMD after 1991), Messrs. Bush and Cheney have finally conceded, in the clearest terms yet, that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. But, that doesn't matter anyway, because as it turns out, the REAL reason we went to war in Iraq is because Saddam was skimming money off the top of the UN oil-for-food program! File this under "Unbelievable Bullshit That Will Probably Get Accepted By At Least 40 Percent Of The American Public Anyway."

Bush Family Values No, George W. Bush's daughter Barbara didn't join the secret society Skull and Bones while at Yale (word is that the Bonesmen snubbed her, which would be hilarious if true), but she did join another venerable Yale tradition: the Naked Party! It's exactly what you think, and one more reason why I'm determined to cast my ballot for Bush, so we have a Christian in the White House, along with his drunken, publicly naked daughter.

Our Bad, Yo Patricia Hewitt, the minister for trade and industry in Tony Blair's war cabinet, has made an apology "on behalf of the entire cabinet" for using inaccurate intelligence about non-existent WMD to justify signing on to Bush's crusade in Iraq. But, she says, "I don't think we were wrong to go in." Mmmkay. So, you admit that you went in under false pretenses, that you misled the British public with false information, but you won't actually say it was a mistake to go in. My goodness, how very stiff-upper-lip. Also, bonus points to Tony for hiding behind his trade minister!

Hey, That Wasn't On the Record, Was It? Dov Weisglass, Ariel Sharon's go-between with the Bush administration, admitted this week that Sharon's plan to pull out of the Gaza Strip is a trojan horse aimed at ending the peace process and forestalling a Palestinian state indefinitely. He also said the Bush administration is fully aware of this stratagem. This has infuriated Sharon and the White House, who obviously don't want this sort of unvarnished truthfulness from a government official, and now Weisglass is saying his comments were "take out of context." How out of context can this be: "Effectively, the whole package called the Palestinian state with all that entails has been removed indefinitely from our agenda. And all this with authority and permission all this with a presidential blessing and the ratification of both houses of Congress"?

-Consider Arms
Is That Karl Rove In The Back Of Your Suit, Or Are You Just Happy To Debate? (Salon article here)

Same Story, Different Day After hitting a record high on Wednesday, oil prices hit a new record high on Thursday at $53 a barrel. Oil prices have surged up by 60% this year.

Why On Earth Does The Rest Of The World Think We're Gun-Crazed Lunatics?

If Only The Electorate Was Comprised Of Tenured Economics Professors... "In an informal poll of 100 academics, conducted by The Economist, Mr Bush's policies win low marks. More than 70% of the 56 professors who responded to our survey rate Mr Bush's first-term economic policies as bad or very bad. Fewer than 20% give positive marks to Mr Bush's second-term economic agenda, and almost six out of ten disapproved."

Ann Coulter Wandering Off The Reservation Watch Who forgot about the Coultergeist? As this Media Matters For America article details, MC No Shame's crush is still around and still crazy.
"Usually all you have to do is defend the United States of America. That enrages them (Democrats)."
"I think a baseball bat is the most effective way these days (to talk to liberals)."
"Kerry will improve the economy in the emergency services and body bag industry."
"Oh God, they're so stupid in New York!"

Buck Up America! We May Not Have The Most Tasteless TV In The World Afterall! David Beckham's alleged mistress has found herself in an uproar after jerking off a pig on a British reality show. (Brain-scarring photo after the jump)

-The Sikh Geek
(Check out my other blog, "Florida, The Phallus Of A Nation" here)

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Out Of The Woods And Into The Deeper Woods

The True Counsel Of A Christian President Ronald Reagan's personal star-reader and the woman once called "The Astrologer Who Runs the White House," Joyce Jillson, passed away on Friday after complications from kidney failure.

No WMD Stockpiles In Iraq
Shocking and hidden information that could have only been gained by listening to CIA, DOD or UN information in early 2003... "Contradicting the main argument for a war that has cost more than 1,000 American lives, the top U.S. arms inspector reported Wednesday that he found no evidence that Iraq produced any weapons of mass destruction after 1991. He also concluded that Saddam Hussein's weapons capability weakened during a dozen years of U.N. sanctions before the U.S. invasion last year."

Late-Seventies Revival Not Limited To Shitty New Wave Acts From Brooklyn W is this season's Jimmy Carter (without the commitment to human rights). In addition to hostages in the Middle East, oil has been hitting a new record high every week. $52 a barrel and counting...

-The Sikh Geek
TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Implausible deniability.

For Some People, Even Cancer Is Too Good Big surprise: E. Howard Hunt is still alive! Not such a big surprise: He's a total bastard even today. Remorseless, scorning regret, the man who botched both the break-in of Daniel Ellsberg's psychiatrist's office and the Watergate burglary is giving interviews on the occasion of his 86th birthday. Elton John recently said that the reason so many people in the world hate America is because of guys like Dennis Miller. I disagree; it's because of guys like E. Howard Hunt. Here is Mr. Hunt's reaction to a question about the Guatamalan civil war touched off by the fascist coup in 1954 that he helped orchestrate, a civil war that involved the massacre of more than 200,000 civilians: "Deaths? What deaths?"

The Daily Mayhem: Pakistan Edition Just days after a Shi'ite mosque was bombed in Pakistan, killing 30, a memorial service for a deceased Sunni militant was also bombed, with at least 40 dead. The leader of a banned Shi'ite organization denies responsibility for the attack, but troops had to be deployed to clear the streets of thousands of Sunnis demanding revenge.

The Daily Mayhem: Haiti Edition The city of Port au Prince has been wracked by violence since militant supporters of ousted President Jean Bertrande Aristide launched "Operation Baghdad," an effort to overthrow the U.S.-backed government that has involved the beheadings of 19 so far. Not noted by the article is that the conflict in Haiti is swiftly taking on the trappings of a religious war, with supporters of Aristide predominantly Catholic and supporters of the U.S.-backed regime - which includes numerous officials from the Duvalier dictatorship - drawing support from charismatic Protestant groups.

I Have Not Supported the Torture of Suspects in at Least a Week Some more flip-flopping from "President" Bush: Although initially the White House supported a bill introduced this month by hapless porker Dennis Hastert (R-Illinois) that would change current laws to allow deportation of suspects to countries that use torture, now Bush has backed off, condemning the bill. This has pissed off Hastert, who notes that the bill was only introduced at the request of the Department of Homeland Security. Ah, the Republican Party: a well-oiled machine, I tells ya!

Actual Americans Alert! A tiny library in tiny Deming, Washington has so far successfully blocked the FBI's attempt to get the names of every patron who took out a book on Osama Bin Laden, citing the privacy rights of everyone who takes out books at the library. I say bravo, but note well: If the FBI had invoked the USA PATRIOT Act to get the records, instead of trying to get them through a grand jury, the library would have no choice but to hand them over.

-Consider Arms