Sunday, October 10, 2004

Throw Transport Down The Well

Well, At Least We're Totally Safe From The COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVIOUS Terrorists
An Iraqi man was recently arrested at a Krispy Kreme in Nashville for trying to purchase guns and grenades. Crisco-annointing freak John Ashcrift touted the bust as a demonstration of "our ability to thwart potential threats to our communities before an attack can be carried out." Look at the guy's van, how could you NOT be suspcious of him?

If All The Insurgents Get Married In October, Bush Will Totally Have The War In Iraq Won By The Election In a self-described "precision strike," the US killed at least 12 people that were part of a wedding party, with the groom being counted among the dead. Loyal MLWL readres will mark this as at least the third wedding party attacked by US forces since the war began.

Unsafe In Any Election As Nader supporters complain about unfair treatment, their (and the GOP's) attempt to get Ralph on the ballot is so riddled with fraud and illegality that it cries out for an investigation by 1960s Ralph Nader. In Philly, a judge expects 70% of the ballot signatures for Nader to be illegal. Already, 10,000 of 40,000 signatures have been declared invalid.

Thank God The Pope Didn't Get The Nobel Prize His stance against condoms might have tarnished the good name of the prize, so richly deserved by other Nobel receipients like Kenyan ecologist Wangari Maathai, who recently reiterated her claim that the AIDS virus was deliberately created in a Western lab. "It's true that there are some people who create agents to wipe out other people. If there were no such people, we could have not have invaded Iraq. We invaded Iraq because we believed that Saddam Hussein had made, or was in the process of creating agents of biological warfare. In fact it (the HIV virus) is created by a scientist for biological warfare." The Nobel Prize for Peace hasn't meant much since Kissinger and Arafat won it.

So I Won't Have To Constantly Repeat Myself With New Record Oil Prices Everyday Until We Hit $60 A Barrel

The Trick-Or-Treaters And Osama Bin Laden Will Come Out On Halloween Jaded speculation on a pre-election capture of Osama Bin Laden have already been running high, and they'll only run higher with Bush's brain AKA Karl Rove saying that the BC04 campaign is planning some October "surprises."

Ain't No Party Like A Flip-Flop Party Cause A Flip-Flop Party Don't Stop As any freshman undergrad psych major will tell you, "When someone, like, talks shit about you, it's like, only because they're like ashamed that they, like, do the same thing."

"I Prefer To Be With REAL Americans, In THEIR Private Jets." Be aware of any conservative pundit who tries to sell you on basic, everyday American values and their kinship with the common Heartlander. Whether it's Ann Coulter rich upringing in New Canaan, Connecticut, Rush Limbaugh's multi-multimillion dollar mansion in Florida or Bill O'Reilly's reported annual salary of $4.5 million, it's clear that any talking head who rallies behind a cartoon perception of "the common man" will be anything but common themselves. Case in point, take Sean Hannity (please!) who less than a week before he was scheudled to speak at a Saint Louis university, dropped out of the engagement because the first-class ticket and private jets he was offered weren't to his liking. This from a man who routinely uses the phrase "us common people" and attacks John Kerry for having an "elitist lifestyle." What circle of the Inferno holds the hypocrites MC No Shame?

-The Sikh Geek