John McEnroe's Show Finishes 833rd Out Of 834, Only Beating "How To Boil Water" On The Food Network

Only Press Conferences Seperate Him From The Crazy Guy In The Park Who Talks To Pigeons After being refused to participate in the presidential debate on Thursday, everybody's favorite GOP operative Ralph Nader spoke at a dinner at the University of Miami faculty club where he told the audience, "If I could only go through the ducts and leap out onstage in a cape -- that's my dream."

Well THAT Makes Me Feel Better About Electronic Voting! Diebold electronic voting machines were found abandoned in Maryland: on a sidewalk and in a bar. Maryland doesn't know where the machines came from and Diebold isn't claiming knowledge of them. Settling fears, Joseph Torre director of the Maryland Board of Elections told a reporter about the possible origin of the machine, "You can buy one on eBay."

Karma, Sweeter Than Sugar Would I be an asshole if I gloated over furry slug, Robert Novak's broken hip? Allright, then I'll be an asshole.

You Can't Hit The Bottom When Falling Down A Bottomless Pit MLWL staffers would often joke at an imagined "My opponent has a big crush on Osama Bin Laden" political ad. Once again reality has bitchslapped our parody. In Washington state's Senate race, the Republican challenger to Patty Murray has used sneaky, out-of-context editing to portray the Democratic incumbant as a big fan of the world's most notorious terrorist.

All The News That's Unfit To Print, But Gets Printed Anyway Hot on the heels of Dan Rather's forged docs, CNN's "undecided" GOP club president voter and the AP's psychic stories from the future, Fox News is boldly just making shit completely up about Senator John Kerry. As the archives of Talking Points Memo show, a Fox article attributed ridiculous quotes to Kerry such as "Didn't my nails and cuticles look great? What a good debate!", "It's about the Supreme Court. Women should like me! I do manicures," and "I'm metrosexual — he's a cowboy." Soon after the piece was out, Fox put out a retraction and apology. Contrary to perceptions fed by the major newspapers and TV news networks, it seems that the strongest of the blogs (Daily Kos, Talking Points, FactCheck) are the ones holding the torch for factual accuracy and unbiased reporting while the "real" news is fucking up in clumsy and amateurish ways on a regular basis.

-The Sikh Geek, weekend warrior