Thursday, July 01, 2004

Let The Tiger Roar Man.

Michael Moore's Retarded Competition

After dropping Michael Moore's documentary Fahrenheit 9-11 like a hot potato, Disney is set to release "America's Heart And Soul," an 88-minute feel good series of vignettes about everyday Americans being fantastic and enjoying their freedom. I imagine that it will fare worse than "White Chicks."

"We got a terroristic phone call the other day, but it turned out it was just the boyfriend of an employee." No longer the sole fantasy of William Johnstone's shitty novels, it looks like our country will soon have a well-trained trucker army on our side. In the embarrassing wake of Operation TIPS, the Department of Homeland Security is pumping millions of dollars to the American Trucking Associations to recruit a volunteer group of truckers called Highway Watch. HW will keep their meth-glazed eyes peeled for any signs of Osama bin Laden or any dark-skinned dude who looks, you know, funny.
After the session in Little Rock, two newly initiated Highway Watch members sat down for the catered barbecue lunch. The truckers, who haul hazardous material across 48 states, explained how easy it is to spot "Islamics" on the road: just look for their turbans. Quite a few of them are truck drivers, says William Westfall of Van Buren, Ark. "I'll be honest. They know they're not welcome at truck stops. There's still a lot of animosity toward Islamics." Eddie Dean of Fort Smith, Ark., also has little doubt about his ability to identify Muslims: "You can tell where they're from. You can hear their accents. They're not real clean people."

-The Sikh Geek, rocking sexy Viking hair like you couldn't believe