TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Eighties Revivalism Has Gone Too Far: Joel Steinberg Has Been Paroled.

Reaping the Stupid Guy Whirlwind Note to Californians: When you vote for someone, you have to put up with them for the WHOLE TERM, not just the exciting afterglow period that follows the election of a ditzy celebrity to high office. This is a painful lesson being learned as the man who once starred in "Jingle All the Way" attempts to grapple with the challenges of leading the nation's largest state and the world's fifth-largest economy. Here's one way: Gov. Arnold "Tighten Your Belts" Schwarzenegger has increased the salaries of his staff by an average of 22 percent. "Everyone has to make sacrifices," Schwarzenegger said during budget negotations that led to slashing education funding and record, fiscally reckless borrowing. Everyone, that is, except this idiot's inner circle.

Ignominy, Thy Name is Makeover Show After his treacherous presidential campaign derailed when the Village Voice revealed it was being run and paid for by Republicans, the Rev. Al Sharpton is committing the closest thing possible to credibility hara-kiri: He's hosting a "career makeover" show on the Spike TV network. Shudder.

Destro Vows to Destroy New York Well, it could happen. The only good thing that came out of last night's painful Yankees drubbing of the Red Sox was the fact, buried at the bottom of the story, that VP Destro Cheney, who was there as a guest of George Steinbrenner, was booed by the fans at Yankee Stadium when they showed his picture on the videoboard during the 7th inning stretch.

Are You Better Off Now Than Before We Blew Your House Up? One of the conservative spin points on the war has been that, despite the disruptions and violence in the new Iraq (now 100% sovereign! Really!), the country at least is better off now than it was when Saddam ran things. Except that it isn't, according to a report by the non-partisan Congresssional General Accounting Office. In fact, in several key areas like utilities, security, and the judicial system, Iraq now is much worse off than it was before the war. Additionally, of the $58 billion in international loans pledged for the reconstruction of the country, only $10 billion has been spent, and the occupation government can't even account for some of the rest. So, um...why did we invade, again?

Damn the Liberal Media to Hell! If there's one thing I hate about the liberal media, it's how unbalanced they are: Always attacking our heroic president while simultaneously heaping fawning praise on the heads of America-haters like Michael Moore. Except when they don't. As this article shows, even Fox News was relatively restrained in its attacks on the most successful documentary filmmaker of all time while the "liberal media" like ABC and NBC were frothing at the mouth with inaccurate, sleazy attack pieces. Now a cynical man would point out that NBC is owned by General Electric, a major defense contractor and that ABC is owned by Disney, which originally refused to distribute Moore's film, but thank God I'm not a cynical man.

-Consider Arms