TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Go See "Fahrenheit 911" Tonight.

As Bug Hill, NC Goes, So Goes the Nation I have avoided writing anything about Bill Clinton's memoirs because I feel like the only way you can avoid hearing about them is to live in an abandoned carnival with no electricity, and also because Bill Clinton still kind of makes me queasy. But this article on Media Matters caught my eye, because it points out that Dorothy Drudge, who's so obsessed with book sales, went out of his way to try and show that - despite the fact that the book shattered sales records - it really wasn't that popular in "the heartland," wherever that is. If you read down to the Washington Times blurb, you will actually see the following: "City folk might have swooned over the much-ballyhooed arrival of 'My Life,' former President Bill Clinton's autobiography, but there's little hubbub in the American heartland, where the citizenry seems less impressed with hype and hyperbole." "City folk"?? What is this, an oatmeal commercial? I'll tell you one definite thing: The person who wrote that sentence, without a doubt, falls into the category of "city folk," and wouldn't be able to find "the heartland" with a map.

The Enemy of My Enemy is a Gay-Hating Libertarian Marcus-Marcus sent along this article, which adds more proof to the officially-recognized Consider Arms Conspiracy Theory: Ralph Nader is a paid Republican Party operative. In this case, two conservative organizations in Oregon - one "pro-family," the other "anti-tax" - are working to get Ralph Nader on that state's ballot. Polls in Oregon suggest Darth Nader could get enough votes to shift the state's seven electoral votes over to that noted progressive George W. Bush. But just so we're clear, Ralph's candidacy isn't about costing Kerry the election, right? It's a matter of principle. The principle is: Ralph Nader is a paid operative of the Republican Party.

Restoring Civility to Our Nation's Fucking Political Discourse During the annual group photo on the Senate floor, Vice-President Destro Cheney marked the traditional solemnity of the occasion by screeching "Go fuck yourself!" or "Fuck off!" to Democratic Sen. Patrick Leahy of Vermont. The spittle-flecked tirade was apparently triggered by Leahy making the disastrous and un-Senatorial faux pas of saying "hello" to the vice president. This apparently signalled to El Dick that he could rip into Leahy for raising questions about Halliburton's massive overcharging for services in Iraq. Boy, I absolutely agree with the conservatives here: Love them or hate them, you can't deny that the Bush administration has restored dignity and respect to our nation's highest fucking office.

Plamegate: The Slow Burn Continues Hey, so what did you do yesterday morning? I'll tell you what President Bush did: He got interviewed by a special prosecutor conducting a criminal investigation into the president's administration. Bush was interviewed for over an hour Thursday in connection with the ongoing investigation into who leaked the name of a deep cover CIA agent in order to punish her husband for proving that Saddam wasn't buying "yellowcake" uranium from Niger (who leaked the name? *cough*Dick Cheney!*cough*). I would think this was more damaging if I thought there was a snow-cone's chance in Hell that John Ashcroft's Justice Department will have this investigation concluded before November.

"Thank God It's Friday": The Charlotte Bobcats Edition Boy, how lucky is Bernie Bickerstaff? The new expansion team's coach's good fortune is matched only by the recklessness of the Orlando Magic, who had the first pick in this year's NBA draft. Instead of picking Emeka Okafor, collegiate player of the year from the national champion University of Connecticut Huskies (and, as named on this web log, Greatest Living American), they picked Bible-thumping high school student Dwight Howard. The 6'8" Howard attended prep school in Atlanta and often was guarded by opponents who were 10 inches shorter than him, while Okafor led the Huskies to their second national title in five years against the best college competition in the country. I have a feeling that the hopeless Orlando franchise is going to regret this pick - but then, I was positive the Pistons were going to rue the day they didn't pick Carmelo Anthony and look where they are. Still, kudos to the Bobcats, Okafor, and Ben Gordon, who went to the Chicago Bulls as the Number Three pick.

-Consider Arms