TODAY'S TOP FIVE: This Is Too Depressing to Even Think About.
The Road to Freedom Has Never Looked More Open As we all know, one week from today Iraq's heroic democratic age will begin, and there will be no hunger or war or Islamic militancy. Until that glorious day arrives, though, there's still stuff like this: militants launched concerted attacks throughout the country today, killing 83 people.
There Is No Greater Threat to Freedom Than Commercials for Movies Boy, the Republicans must really be scared of Michael Moore. The Federal Election Commission is considering banning Moore from advertising his "Fahrenheit 911" movie on radio or TV because the commission's lawyer thinks it could violate a provision of the McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Act prohibiting corporations from interfering in elections. If the FEC follows through, this would prevent anyone with a political film or documentary from advertising on TV or the radio. Truly, that will be a glorious day for American freedom.
Avert Your Eyes! Only Saddam's Regime Did Bad Things! One of the central tenets of people who supported (and who still support) the Iraq war is that, even if there were no weapons of mass destruction, even if Saddam had nothing to do with either 9/11 or Al Qaeda, the invasion was still justified because he was a rat bastard who oppressed his people. No argument on the merits of rule by Saddam, but what this argument conveniently ignores is that the world is full of rat bastards who oppress their people. Even some of our buddies. Here's an example, chosen totally at random: China has geared up for some periodic persecution of Christians, arresting three Roman Catholic bishops, including an 84-year-old who hasn't been heard from in a month. I can't wait to see how Paul Wolfowitz handles this! My guess: total, bored silence.
From Now On, Less Beating and Raping The Justice Department is currently re-writing its legal guidelines on interrogation tactics for prisoners of war in what ABC News charitably describes as "much different circumstances" from when the first guidelines, which recommended dogs, submersion in water, beating, and rape, were produced. Is anyone interested in the odds that the torture will continue, but from now on there won't be any more damaging memos saying "Torture is Awesome!" that get leaked to the press.
Winning the War on Terror by Constantly Giving the Appearance of Losing As if to underscore how idiotic was the fraudulent State Department report that claimed terrorism was in decline, two bombs went off in Istanbul and Ankara today, just days ahead of a NATO summit at which President Goofball will be present. History buffs will be interested to note that the group claiming responsibility for the attacks, which killed at least three people, is not a jihadist organization, but rather something called the Marxist-Leninist Communist Party.
-Consider Arms
