Wednesday, March 10, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: A Grand Ayatollah of Truth condemning an Interim Constitution of Lies

We're Going to Alaska for the Winter - It's So Warm There Along with black box voting, sudden climate change is currently one of the things keeping me awake at night. The Senate has now voted to spend $60 million researching the possibility of sudden climate change, which some researchers say is possible due to global warming. I note with grim irony that Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, voted in favor of this program, saying that it is especially important for his home state: "He had previously expressed concern with climate warming problems in his home state such as melting permafrost, possible village relocations, receding Alaskan forests and submerged air strips." Hey Ted: If you're really so worried about it, don't vote against the McCain-Lieberman anti-global warming bill (which he did - the bill was defeated in October). Dick.

Good News, Perverts! Newsday reports: "A videotape of an underage girl exposing her breasts is not child pornography, a judge decided Tuesday in a criminal case against the producer of the Girls Gone Wild' video series." Sadly, the news story doesn't mention (or perhaps the judge himself didn't indicate) exactly what, for this jurist, an underage girl would have to expose to be classified as child pornography.

Hearst Would Be Proud A University of Maryland study of the American press during the run-up to war with Iraq has concluded that the press basically screwed the pooch, acting virtually as "stenographers" for the administration's bogus claims that Saddam had a billion nuclear weapons and had personally destroyed the World Trade Center using super powers. I'm sure the press will take this criticism to heart, and begin actually digging for the truth when confronted with the administration's next round of propaganda. I'm also sure that the Great Pumpkin is going to grant me three wishes this Halloween. I want a pony!

Republican Weasels: Do As We Say, Not as We Do Progressive political groups are engaging in an unprecedented team-up effort to get rid of George Bush, spending millions on ads highlighting how bad his record is (the groups so far say they have about $70 million in pledges for the campaign; so much for the invincible Republican war chest). This is a tactic that Republicans and their sinister allies have been using for years (remember those assholes Harry and Louise?), but now that the Dems have learned how to do it, the Republicans have responded predictably: "On Tuesday night, Mr. Bush's campaign lawyers said they had filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission saying some of these commercials are illegal because they effectively oppose Mr. Bush, and were paid for with unlimited or 'soft money' donations, which they say is a violation of campaign finance laws." Pussies.

.

Unintentionally Providing Me With Hours of Amusement Check it out: On George W. Bush's campaign web site, you can make your own customized Bush/Cheney poster! Apparently, someone has thought to block some of the more obvious choices, because while I was easily able to make a "Bush/Cheney: We Fear Consider Arms" poster, I was unable to make either "Experts Agree: Bush Huffs Mad Dong" or "We're A Couple of Murderous Cocksuckers." Go nuts, kids.

-Consider Arms