Monday, March 01, 2004

Fuck the Academy! Johnny from the Karate Kid was totally robbed!

Pride Goes Before A Fall The little dog imitates the big dog. As in the presidential sphere, Connecticut Governor John Rowland is eager to deflect his own corruption and trail of lies by appealing to the religious right and trying to play politics like a giant game of culture-war Risk. Milking any political gain possible from Mel's Gibson new film, Rowland recently enacted his own dramatic role: The Passion of The Hypocrite. On Sunday the Connecticut governor described an explosion of faith in the US and lavished praise on "The Passion," calling it "breathtaking" and "unbelievable." Rowland said the country's religious boom could be caused by the fact that "evil is everywhere." And "everywhere" would include the governor's office, seeing as John is currently being prepped for impeachment and has around 11% percent of the residents in his state believing that he is trustworthy. Hopefully when citing America's new found faith Rowland is not describing a faith similar to his own: one of child beating, corruption, and lying.

Coming Soon! B.S.TV!
President Bush and Tom Ridge are lending their support (and a sound bit or two) to a new episodic TV series named "DHS" after the Department of Homeland Security. According to the producers "the series will educate, inform, and inspire the average citizens around the world about America's front-line defense/offense against those who have declared war on the U.S. and our democratic allies." Spokespeople for the show were eager to draw comparisons to the early TV show F.B.I. that had a helping hand by J Edgar Hoover (any eager comparisons to a J Edgar Hoover production are a bad sign, unless it's about cross-dressing). The show has the unprecedented assistance and support of not only the admistration, but the CIA, FBI, NSA and the rest of the alphabet soup. At least now our propaganda will be entertaining and have dreamy stars like Timothy Patrick Cavanaugh. P.S. Does the military dictatorship of Pakistan count as one of our democratic allies?

As If High School Didn't Suck Enough... President Bush's weekend radio address touted the virtues of random drug testing in high schools and had the chutzpah to describe them as a "prevention curriculum." I'm sure the nation's schoolchildren would be better off if schools took the advice of a former cocaine user and alcoholic man whose two under-age daughters consistently get busted for illegal drinking and who has a crack-addicted neice.

If Our Country Is Going Through Another Great Awakening, I Want To Hit The Snooze Alarm Another wonderful piece for the Presidential Prayer Team for Kids! This time they give our God-fearing kids a reminder to pray all the time! From Confederate General Stonewell Jackson! Scroll down to read how this man "was devout in his Christian faith, and turned all his thoughts towards prayer!" Even while he was killing people to split apart America and preserve the rights of rich white men to own slaves! Which is not only patriotic, but is exactly something Moses would do! God Bless America!

-The Sikh Geek