Thursday, March 04, 2004


A Defective Voting Machine of Virtue malfunctioning during a Primary of Vice.

The GOP's Necrophilia '04 Ads So far, the Bush gang is running their campaign like a winded boxer tripping over his shoelaces. They have just unveiled their first ads, and so far the results are terrible: Most people have reacted to the spots, which use 9/11 imagery, with revulsion. Here's just a sample, taken from relatives of people killed in New York that day: "It is show the horror of 9/11 in the background, that's just some advertising agency's attempt to grab people by the throat. . . How heinous is that?. . . It's as sick as the people who stole things out of the place." Although, good news, Bush/Cheney: One person found the ads "tastefully done"!

The Latest Kerry Supporters: The GOP Congress Continuing our theme of Bush campaign ineptitude is this story by furry slug Bob Novak, in which he reveals that Capitol Hill Republicans are currently beginning to wonder if a Kerry win wouldn't be better for them than a Bush win. If Bush wins, they figure they will certainly lose both the House and Senate in 2006, but if Kerry wins, they stand to gain. Coupled with that shrewd calculation is their disappointment in the Bush administration: "A few thoughtful GOP lawmakers ponder the record of the first time in 40 years that the party has controlled both the executive and legislative branches, and conclude that record is deeply disappointing."

A reasoned, rationale rebuke to Republican-controlled Urban Outfitters' pseudo-ironic "don't vote" t-shirts:

For more info, or to purchase offensive t-shirts, check this out.

The Baby Doc Revival Starts Here! YESSS!!!!! Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier, son of one of the best evil dictators of all time, is eyeing a return to Haiti from his French exile. Now, it's true that the son of Papa Doc was driven out of Haiti in 1986 by a popular uprising, but apparently he's thinking the Eighties Revival might just work out to his benefit. And, once he gets home to Haiti, will Baby Doc think about returning to office and restoring the feared and hated Ton Tons Macoute? ''This is my country. . . . I'm ready to put myself at the disposal of the Haitian people,'' he says coyly, but we know what he means!

Democracy: Like an ATM, but Crappier The political establishment is trying its hardest to put a positive spin on the widespread failure of electronic voting machines in this week's Democratic primaries. Or, to quote this story: "Maryland election officials praised the statewide debut of a new touch-screen voting system in yesterday's primary, despite computer glitches that crashed machines and left frustrated voters demanding the return of paper ballots." The headline of the story, oddly, is "Mostly High Marks for New MD Voting Machines." What the hell would have to happen for "mostly low marks"? Would the machines actually have to beat the shit out of people or something?

-Consider Arms