Friday, March 19, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: The President's Brain is Missing.

Chill: The President of Taiwan is OK The President of Taiwan was shot while campaigning on the eve of an election, but is apparently a tough bastard: Despite a gut shot, he left the hospital the same day. This week, China has been unusually vocal in their threats against Taiwanese moves toward independence and, coincidence of coincidences!, the president is the island's leading advocate of unilateral independence from Chian. My goodness, who could have done such a thing?

Made With Pride in a Brutal Narco-Dictatorship What cruel irony: The Bush campaign is selling Bush/Cheney merchandise that is made in Burma, a country that Bush slapped sanctions on last year to punish them for their many, many human rights violations. Upon doing so last year, he said, "The United States will not waver from its commitment to the cause of democracy and human rights in Burma." Apparently, there was a mixup: His speech should have read, "...its commitment to inexpensive, high-quality active-wear."

Get Orf My Moon Land! A group of rural Germans is warning President Bush to be less ambitious about his plans for a moonbase: He could be trespassing on lunar real estate that they collectively own. I want you to read that sentence again, note its accuracy, and be glad we lived to see such times.

The Coalition of the Increasingly-Less-Willing First Spain decides to pull its troops out of our Iraq quagmire, and now Poland is talking about leaving early, while South Korea refuses to deploy its troops to the place Bush wants them deployed. Okay, fine, losers, it's time to bring in the big guns: Send in the Solomon Islands!

For Your "Thank God It's Friday" Special: We are very proud to present this link to "Sisters," Lynne Cheney's 1980s potboiler novel about pioneer women, with its many discreet intimations of love of the sapphic persuasion. You're welcome.