Friday, March 26, 2004

An Effeminate Fitness Guru of Truth Bitch-Slapping A Cage Wrestler of Falsehood

Your Choice This November: Bush or Osama What do you do if you're George Bush and you're trying to get re-elected? Can't run on the economy or the Iraqi War. Victims' families will get all uptight if you use dead bodies from 9-11 in your ads. The looming threat of gay marriage won't tear the country apart like you hoped. The only choice is to pull the ultimate Jedi mind trick and deny that you're running against John Kerry, and instead run in an election you can win: George Bush vs. Osama! If the election in Spain (where a president who acting against the wishes of 90% of the populace was voted out) could be smeared as terror-appeasement, the same will be done here. FBI Director Robert Mueller said Thursday that, "In the wake of what happened in Madrid we have to be concerned about the possibility of terrorists attempting to influence elections in the United States by committing a terrorist act." Basically, if terrorists attack anywhere, anytime near the election, a vote for Kerry will be a vote against America and for Osama bin Laden.

And You Thought the Awesome Blossom Was a Dietary Disaster... It's just sad that Elvis isn't around to enjoy this.

And Soon the Mama Cass Re-issue "Choke to Death on a Ham Sandwich You Big Fat Bastard"... An Italian record company is backpeddling after trying to release a Great White album of cover songs with the title "Burning House of Love" almost a year after 100 Great White fans died in a nightclub fire in Rhode Island.

Making Bill O'Reilly Look Like He Has His Finger on the Pulse of Young America Right on the heels of Bill O'Reilly congratulating himself for cock-blocking Ludacris' deal with Budweiser, our favorite right-wing wackos at WorldNetDaily are claiming that recent Democratic Party fundraisers Outkast is a "gun-toting rapper." Dude, there are like TWO rappers in that band... I guess the GOP will forever be depressed and confused as they wonder across the world of hip-hop without their old pal Eazy-E.

Sign of the Times Photos of confiscated items from the Sacramento airport. It's weird that a box overflowing with nail clippers can capture my political anxiety for the past two and a half years so well.

-The Sikh Geek