Wednesday, March 31, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Michael Jackson in Congress is a Dream Come True.

Mogadishu Redux Two convoys were attacked by guerrillas in the so-called Sunni Triangle today. Five American soldiers were killed in one attack, while in the other, the charred bodies of the victims - at least one woman and one American - were dragged through the streets of Fallujah by jubilant crowds and hung on a bridge over the Euphrates River. I sure hope this means we'll get to hear more in the campaign about important issues, like John Kerry's snowboarding.

The Universe Is Righting Itself Prince is back on tour, playing the hits: "Controversy," "DMSR," "You Got the Look," "Purple Rain," "When Doves Cry," even "Sign O' the Times" (but where's "Little Red Corvette"? You better play that, you little weirdo). When he comes to Boston on August 18, expect to see Consider Arms front and center. I won't even mind if he plays "Batdance."

Focus of Weapons Hunt to Shift to Whether Saddam Had a Moustache So it's come to this. The hunt for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq - weapons we were told existed in abundance - has now officially switched to a hunt for signs of "intent" - that is, we are now "hunting" for evidence that Saddam Hussein intended to develop such weapons. Watch as the new head weapons hunter gets all postmodern on us: "Ultimately what we want is a comprehensive picture, not just simply answering questions -- were there weapons, were there not weapons?" Charles Duelfer says. Ah, I see: Apparently, instead of going to war to disarm Saddam, we really went to war to disprove hegemonic notions of "right" or "wrong," exposing them for the arbitrary constructions they are. We are not engaged in a hunt for weapons, people, but in the fashioning of a narrative.

Brit Hume to Holocaust Survivors: Are You Still Going On About That? Okay, so the Fox News anchortwinkie hasn't yet insulted people who survived the Holocaust, but he has told the families of American soldiers killed in Iraq to "just get over it." You see, if there's one thing that makes Brit hopping mad, it's when people whine about their trivial, insignificant problems, like losing a loved one in a guerrilla war: "We have a society in which one of the greatest things you can do is a platform to see victim status, and one of the qualifications for that is that you have these exquisitely tender feelings about things and sensibilities which are easily offended." Yeah, that's what I hate about people who are widowed and orphaned by war . . . their fucking tender sensibilities. Thanks, Brit, for making it okay to be an asshole!

Happy Anniversary! March 31, 1990 was the day that the riots against the proposed poll tax in London led to the eventual toppling of Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. 14 years later, Britain has another prime minister who promised national renewal but turned out to be just another stooge for American interests: this puppet leader, unlike Thatcher, has embroiled Britain in an unwinnable war. Is it too much to hope that the black flags might once again flutter over London?

-Consider Arms