TODAY'S TOP FIVE:

I voted for LaRouche.

Making Friends Overseas The fallout from the Shi'ite bombings continues today, with many in the Shi'ite community directing their anger at the U.S. occupation officials (and the Jews, natch). Apparently, though, we foiled a bunch of follow-up attacks scheduled for today, so good looking out on that one, guys.

Sure Sounds Like Health Food to Me In an effort to "simplify the menu" and help customers "lead a balanced life," McDonald's will be eliminating the supersize option for their fries and drinks. This looks like an apparently vain effort to attract some of those Subway dollars, but you have to chuckle. People who are concerned about what they eat don't eat at McDonald's.

Making Friends at Home Here's a "radical solution" to the gay marriage "issue," proposed by some nitwit at the Village Voice (and currently being fought in courts in Canada, by the way): Abolish marriage altogether, and make civil unions mandatory for everyone who wants to get hitched, straight or gay. This entire article, from beginning to end, perfectly sums up in tone and content an affliction that people in places like New York have: It is totally tone deaf to the millions upon millions upon millions of Americans who would react to such an idea with violence. Abolishing marriage may seem like a nifty idea for you and your radical chic chums in the Village, but if you want to actually address real people's real lives, you're going to have to leave Manhattan once in a while. Along with Nader's campaign, I am beginning to suspect stuff like this is planted by Republicans.

The Kerry Presidency is a Failure "Mickey" Kaus, the "Democrat" over at Slate (actually, a paid Republican operative), has already proclaimed the failure of the Kerry administration, which, observers may note, is only hypothetical at this point: Kerry, it seems, is a Jimmy Carter, whatever that means. I'm glad that, for the most crucial election in decades, Democrats can count on being stabbed in the back almost immediately by other "Democrats." (My new thing, by the way, is accusing everyone of being a "paid Republican operative": Kaus, the Villlage Voice, Nader...except I'm totally right about Nader).

Forget Osama: We've Already Got the Real Terrorist Masterminds Like Sister Cynthia Brinkman, a 67-year-old nun who spends her time visiting sick and dying people. Sister Cynthia is about to do a bid in federal prison for trespassing during a protest at the so-called School of the Americas, the training facility our army runs to produce death squads, torturers, and terrorists in Latin America. But is the school really so bad? Not according to the military: "This school is like any other adult education. It has nothing to do with your moral character," a spokesman says. Based on the testimony of the school's graduates, who say they were trained to torture and murder there, I'd say that's about right: It does have nothing to do with moral character.

-Consider Arms