Friday, April 16, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: It's Later Than You Think.

Almost Beaten to the Punch Erstwhile Bush administration hagiographer Bob Woodward will have a new book in stores next week that claims George Bush planned the Iraq war two months after September 11, apparently keeping it secret from members of his national security team because he was afraid he would look "anxious" to go to war. Funny, Donald Rumsfeld was already planning on war with Iraq on September 12, according to notes he took that were obtained by CBS. So, once again, Bush was behind the curve.

Does Prussia Still Have an Army? The latest country to contemplate pulling out of the "coalition of the willing" is Portugal, which is alarmed at the rapidly deteriorating situation there. Portugal joins Spain, South Korea, the Philippines, and Poland in talking about leaving the mighty coalition, leaving the grim prospect of military powerhouses like the Solomon Islands and Equitorial Guinea being the only remaining members. As a side note, it's awesome that the Portugese armed forces are referred to by the acronym GNR - do you think they've been feeling "Welcome to the Jungle" since arriving in Iraq? Boy, I bet George Bush is going to urge "Patience"! It's too bad the Iraqis are only willing to "Live and Let Die"! Oh, I could keep this up all day.

Speaking of Being Behind the Curve... In 1995, the CIA warned that Islamic extremists were likely to strike at targets in New York and Washington, D.C. using the airline industry, according to intelligence agency sources. Yeah, but, that so-called "warning" failed to state the exact date and time the hijackers would strike. I mean, how are we supposed to work with a warning so vague, right? Right?

We Will Not Negotiate With Terrorists... These, Guys, Though, Are OK In an effort to find an end to the uprising in Fallujah, the US is negotiating directly with leaders there. I actually have to commend the US for not doing some stupid, Israeli-style raid into the city that would inevitably lead to more deaths than there have been already. Also, kudos to the US for bringing in Iran to try to find a resolution in Najaf, where Muqtada Al-Sadr is hiding out. It's been a week where, despite huge losses, the military has been refreshingly sane about the insurgency, but I'm not holding my breath.

Your "Thank God It's Friday, Even Though I Have to Work the Night Shift" Weekly Special:
Here's the President of the United States of America in drag:

And here he is on the high school cheerleading team:

Feel better? Me, too.

-Consider Arms