Monday, April 26, 2004

A Rod Stewart Impersonator of Truth Calling His Brother of Falsehood "A Lying Weirdo"

Shocking Revelation! DC Waiter Says That John Kerry Is A Cheap Tipper! Stop The Presses! This constitutes a cover story for NewsMax? Holy shit. Our favorite neo-con website drags out a scrap from a book released seven years ago called "The Shocking Scandals, Corruption, and Abuse of Power Behind the Scenes on Capitol Hill" and pimps it out as a news item. I shudder at the thought of our country being run by a man who tips ten percent or less.

Countries Just Hatin' On An Empire Tryin' To Floss According to beggar for a cockpunching/Fox News anchor John Gibson, those evil bastards in the chocolate-making Eupropean countries (France, German and Belgium for those of you arriving late in the game) have foreign policy differences with us mostly to cover up their jealousy. That's right, Europe and the rest of the world aren't pissed off because we cockblocked the UN, launched a unprovoked unilateral war and destabilized Iraq; according to Gibson they're really saying, “We hate you because you’re successful, and we’re not. And we can’t stand it.” I know people in Belgium look at their universal health care and get pissed off that they aren't able to pay $300 a month for basic COBRA care, just as Germans wish they could swap their 5 weeks of vacation a year for our 2. Maybe we can fill John Negroponte's spot as UN Ambassador with Kelly LeBroc and Nas in a joint "Don't Hate US Because We're Beautiful/ Keep Hatin' It Cause I'm Lovin' It" diplomatic stance.

The Terrifying Futuristic Distopia Is Now The British home secretary hopes to introduce a new catagory of imprisonable offence- "thought crime," or guilt by association. "David Blunkett is considering jailing those who merely 'sympathise' with so-called extremist Islamic groups or who continue to 'associate' with alleged terrorist suspects." Somebody should tell Blunkett that if he wants to enact the hell-on-earth scenario from 1984, he should at least change some of the language.

Woah, One Disasterous Fucking Quagmire At A Time Dude! One Wednesday Bush told newspaper reporters that "Iran 'will be dealt with, starting through the United Nations' if it does not stop developing nuclear weapons and begin total cooperation with international inspectors."

Maybe This Is Why We're A Little Unpopular... Video clip of US soldiers coming across 3 Iraqis who had been looting scraps of wood. The troops scream at them in English (if they don't understand you dude, just start yelling louder...) and then shoot out the Iraqis' car with handguns before getting a tank to crush it. It's like watching my bully from junior high backed by the largest military in the world.

-The Sikh Geek still can't believe that Kevin Spacey's Brother is a Rod Stewart Impersonator in London.