Thursday, May 13, 2004

When Hizbollah Calls You "Horrible," You Know You've Crossed A Line

Hey, Look Who's Back! General William "My God Is Bigger Than Their God" Boykin has been found to have ties to the Iraqi prisoner scandal. The holy-steamroller "briefed a top Pentagon civilian official last summer on recommendations on ways military interrogators could gain more intelligence from Iraqi prisoners. Critics have suggested those recommendations amounted to a senior-level go-ahead for the sexual and physical abuse of prisoners, possibly to "soften up" detainees before interrogation -- a charge the Pentagon denies." That's not what Captain Thumbs-Up had to say in an interview aired on CBS last night. The leash holder said that her actions were dictated by "persons in my higher chain of command."
"Well, I mean, they [the photos] were for psy-op reasons," she said "And the reasons worked. I mean, so to us, we were doing our job, which meant we were doing what we were told, and the outcome was what they wanted. They'd come back and they'd look at the pictures, and they'd state, 'Oh, that's a good tactic, keep it up. That's working. This is working. Keep doing it. It's getting what we need.'"

I Didn't Know That Bad Idea Jeans Were Standard US Army Issue Probably not a good idea to shoot around the tomb of Hussein. Also, not such a good idea to publicly defend interrogation techniques used by the US so soon after the entire world was mortified at the gay cheeramids. And the hot male supermodel for Bad Idea Jeans, Ralph Nader, was backed by the Reform Party (weren't they Ross Perot and then Jesse Ventura's boys?) Wednesday and he will have access to the ballot in seven states, including contentious Florida and Michigan. Somebody needs to run Ralph over with an illegally designed fifties car.

And We Wonder Why Black America Doesn't Respond Strongly To Colin Powell...
Any cool points gained by posing for a photo with James Brown are gone. Colin Powell has recently applied to the Court of Lord Lyon in Edinburgh for a coat of arms to mark his Scottish ancestry. My suggestion for the coat's design would be a cheeramid of naked Iraqi detainees surrounded by screaming Vietnamese women and children from My Lai, with four stars and a bald eagle on top, or course.

As If Junior High Didn't Suck Enough A teacher reportedly broke the arm of an 11-year old girl with "special needs" and didn't call for any medical help after hearing the girl's arm make a snapping sound. Hey, Pamela. If you can't teach anymore, there are still some jobs you'd be great for.

-The Sikh Geek