Tuesday, February 22, 2005

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Hunter S. Thompson RIP.

"Looks Like Satan Wins Tonight" First Hunter S. Thompson, and now Dr. Eugene Scott, a great American original. You may remember his late-night Bible talk show, in which he would smoke cigars, play the saxophone, wear fake glasses, or don Indian headdresses. He would often cut to footage of himself or family members riding horses in circles, for no discernible reason. If he suspected that not enough people were calling his 1-800 number to donate money, he would say in resigned tones, "It looks like Satan wins tonight." A fine reminder in this age of cookie cutter evangelicals how much fun the nutty man of God can be, Dr. Scott died at home, aged 75.

Nice Try, Man of Cats Longtime MLWL favorite Ahmad Chalabi has dropped his bid to be named prime minister by the United Iraqi Alliance, the coalition that won 48 percent of the vote in the elections last month. Instead, it looks like Dawa Party leader Ibrahim Jaafari has gotten the nod, which isn't too surprising; Jaafari had the backing not only of Dawa, but also the Supreme Council for Islamic Revolution in Iraq. Note: Dawa has, since its establishment in 1958, worked towards establishing an Islamic theocracy in Iraq.

Does Lactose Intolerant Know About This? In a move that is sure to outrage the members of Raid, Vegan Reich, and Earth Crisis, a UC Davis researcher has released findings showing that raising children on a vegan diet significantly raises the risk of malnutrition. No less a tofu-head than Paul McCartney himself pronounced the study "rubbish," pointing out that vegan diets can "help you with colon cancer and stuff." I don't know about you, but I'm sold.

Americatown: The Patriotic-est Place on Earth In an effort to shed the gritty image that has led to the nickname "Fayettenam," city officials in Fayetteville, NC have hit on a new theme: patriotism. Specifically, the city wants to be known as "the most patriotic town in America." The city fathers are hoping this entails, among other things, daily parades, tax breaks for people who display the flag, painting the roads to look like flags, a daily flag-saluting ceremony outside the courthouse, and fireworks every Saturday. Reserve your hotel rooms now, fans of ironic kitsch!

Farewell Then, Beard #3 Rush Limbaugh has finalized his divorce, separating him from Marta, his third wife. Now, I don't necessarily care about three marriages. Nor do I think it's a big deal to be hooked on pills all the time. I'm just saying that the next time you hear Rush crowing about the "moral values vote," maybe you should keep those things in mind. Hey, how many times has Bill Clinton been divorced? Let's see: Never. And how many times has he been hospitalized for drug dependency: Oh, yeah, never. Hmm. Makes you think.

-Consider Arms