Wednesday, February 02, 2005

DC Is Hollywood For The Ugly

This Just In From The "Sikh Geek Kicks Ass" News Bureau... For the past two years the White Hosue has been issuing a dialy press pass to a pseudo-journalist named Jeff Gannon, a self-described "white house correspondent" to, a GOP shell if a website. Why would the White Hosue give a man with virtually no journalistic credibility an open seat in the press corps? Perhaps it's due to hard-hitting questions such as these: "Senate Democratic leaders have painted a very bleak picture of the US economy, [Minority Leader] Harry Reid was talking about soup lines, and Hillary Clinton was talking about the economy being on the verge of collapse. Yet, in the same breath, they say that Social Security is rock solid and there's no crisis there. How are you going to work -- you said you're going to reach out to these people -- how are you going to work with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality?"

Well, There Go All Of MY Plans To Visit North Korea!
The Illest Kim Jung has declared a war against shaggy hair in his hyper-bizarre dictatorial island. According to this Salon article, men in North Korea now have to conform to "socialist style" hair, no longer than two inches, with an exception being made for bald-headed comb-overs (Score, MC No Shame!). The "dear leader" of North Korea claims that long hair deprives the cranium of precious oxygen, something "blind followers of bourgeois lifestyle" are in desperate need of.

PETA, Your Stupidity Never Ceases To Underwhelm Us

But Don't Let It Soften Your Post-Election Hard-Ons
The CIA has corrected itself and admitted in an offical report that Saddam Hussein abandoned his chemical weapons programs in 1991. Nobody left in Iraq looking for weapons we now admit were never there in the first place. Mint.

From The Land Of Rasputin "Almost immediately after he left, Olga broke into hysterical sobs and phoned a friend, who persuaded her to go to the police. There, detectives nodded knowingly. "Gypsy hypnosis," they said."

-The Sikh Geek