Thursday, February 10, 2005

Bad Men Do What Good Men Dream

"A Cheap Holiday In Other People's Misery..."
Britain's Channel Four is preparing a show entitled "Guantanamo Guidebook" that will film seven volunteers over 48 hours being subjected to various interrogation techniques such as extreme temperatures, sleep deprivation and mild physical contact. One volunteer was forcd by doctors to leave after he contracted hypothermia. Ironically, or unironically, Channel Four was also the brains behind the show "Big Brother."

George Washington Would Lead Our Country With A "Lord's Gym" Sweatshirt On It's been awhile since we've checked up on the Presidential Prayer Team For Kids, but not to worry, they are still as amazing as ever. In addition to encouraging kids to pray for the Secretaries of Energy and Veterans Affairs, they are also skullfucking George Washington's corpse with their mind-numbingly terrible paraphrases of the first president's quotes. "If we said this in words used today, it would read something like this: It's been so obvious that God's hand has been right here helping us through this entire Revolution. Anyone who doesn't believe that's true and doesn't thank God for His help isn't a very good person! But there will be plenty of time for me to turn into a preacher who tells of God's marvelous help for our troops once I no longer have to lead this Revolutionary Army!"

Even The Burger King Has More Class Charles and Camilla to marry.

There's ALWAYS Enough Money To Tell Kids They Can Get AIDS From A Dirty Toilet Seat
Despite slashing funding for basic services, despite the fact that they actually lead to an increase in teen sexual activity and despite the fact that they have been proven to hemmorage false and misleading information, Bush has asked for a $40 million increase in funding for abstinance only sexual education. How much does it really cost to have a teacher scream "JUST KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!!!" to a a group of disinterested teens?

If They Were Doing Any Better With The Axis Of Evil, We Would Be Blown Up Already
North Korea publically declared for the first time today that they have nuclear weapons "to defend themselves against the US" while rejecting attempts to restart disarmament talks. In honor of this ball-shattering, nightmare-inducing news, we present a gallery of North Korean propaganda art.

Maybe He's Hoping For A Presidential Appointment To Secretary of Big-Haired Douchebaggery "Rock star Jon Bon Jovi is a staunch liberal Democrat. But he may be turning over a new leaf. He's now backing Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger for president. Though no one has yet to tell Bon Jovi that the U.S. Constitution forbids the Governator from running for president, the rocker says he would jump the Democratic ship to help Arnold. 'I would vote for him right now. I've known him a long time. I think he's a brilliant man, on and off the camera, and he's the most hard-working man, the most focused I've ever seen.'"

-The Sikh Geek