Too Early In The Morning For This

Apparently You Tightasses Don't Know A Good Time Prosecuters in the Lyndie England case are trying to dismiss claims that she was following orders from above by portraying Captain Thumbs-Up as "an out-of-control soldier who was photographed mocking Iraqi prisoners 'just for fun.'" I never thought I would root for the defense in this case...

Ted Turner Is To Indie Media What Pearl Jam Was To Fugazi Dude, you fucking run CNN. Come the fuck off it; you're nothing close to an upstart.

There's No Dignity In Getting Punked Out By A Puppet One of many people briefly locked out of the DNC was Fox's token Leftie Alan colmes, who couldn't get in moments befroe he was to broadcast. Luckily for him, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog was there to turn him into his bitch. "Thank God they just let the doormat back through the door," Triumph barked. "Get in there and get your butt kicked by Sean Hannity!"

Have A Nice Day! North Korea is now said to have the capability of striking the mainland US with their nukes. Good thing we made Iraq such a priority...

The Jack Velenti (MPAA head) Daily Gem of Wisdom
On the VCR, 1983
"We are facing a very new and a very troubling assault ... and we are facing it from a thing called the video cassette recorder and its necessary companion called the blank tape. We are going to bleed and bleed and hemorrhage, unless this Congress at least protects one industry ... whose total future depends on its protection from the savagery and the ravages of this machine [the VCR]. [Some say] that the VCR is the greatest friend that the American film producer ever had. I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone."

-The Sikh Geek