Tuesday, August 03, 2004

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: For All the French-Speaking Socialists from Boston.

The Director of Homeland Security Who Cried Wolf According to military and intelligence officials, the "shocking information" that have led to Orange Alerts in New York and Washington is three to four years old, hatched before September 11. So why would the government make such a big deal out of all this? Perhaps to get people used to cops with machine guns everywhere, and video cameras on every street corner. Remember: the war isn't meant to be won, it's meant to be permanent.

One Wild and Crazy Guy At last, Bill Clinton is doing what every ex-President should do: Using the prestige of his office to have an awesome time. Tonight, he'll be going on the David Letterman show, and there are persistent rumors that he will host "Saturday Night Live" this season.

Bush Backs Incremental, Symbolic Gestures Meant to Placate Public In other words, he supports the creation of a "national intelligence director" as recommended by the 9/11 commission. The post would theoretically coordinate all the intelligence from the country's dozens of info-gathering agencies and would have power over all of them. The only problem with this is that a similar post was created for "Homeland Security," and anyone witnessing the tragic uselessness of Tom Ridge has to wonder exactly whether we want to replicate this experiment with crucial intelligence.

He's Rich, Bitch! Dave Chappelle has signed a $50 million deal with Comedy Central, ensuring that the funniest show on television will continue for at least two more seasons and that there may even be a movie made about Rick James starring Chappelle. Note also that the average viewership for Chappelle's Show in its second season, 3.1 million viewers, is 400,000 more viewers than the average audience for The O'Reilly Factor, which is the highest-rated show on Fox News.

Scenes from a Robust Economy Hilariously, the Bush campaign announced that the "president" plans to run for re-election on his record. War, recession, and graft? Por ejemplo: Consumer spending, which accounts for two-thirds of all U.S. economic activity, has hit a three-year low, prompting concerns that the much-discussed "recovery" has yet to fully take hold. That's some record, Mr. President.

-Consider Arms