TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Viva Hugo!
Rocknroll: Still Safe for Whitey Miller Brewing is celebrating "the 50th anniversary of Rock and Roll" (a date totally invented by RCA Records) with a commemorative series of beer cans featuring some of your favorite all-time rockers. Why, there are such legends and innovators as: Elvis Presley, Willie Nelson, Blondie, Eric Clapton, Joe Walsh, Alice Cooper, Bon Jovi, and Def Leppard. Some of your favorite all-time rockers who won't be featured: Jimi Hendrix, Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Otis Redding, Sam Cooke, James Brown...in fact, none of the images (taken from Rolling Stone covers) will feature black people at all. Now that's rock and roll to me, as Danny and the Juniors once sang.
The Free Speech Zone Just Got Smaller In the finest tradition of trannie fascist J.Edgar Hoover, the FBI has been visiting prominent anti-war folks around the country in an effort to intimidate them into not protesting at the Republican National Convention in Nueva York. Since the Department of Precrime is still a figment of Philip K. Dick's imagination, there have naturally been a lot of questions from uppity civil liberties types about whether this is kosher. Fear not. The FBI insists it is: "Violent acts are not protected by the U.S. Constitution, and the FBI has a duty to prevent such acts and to identify and bring to justice those who commit them," FBI Assistant Director Cassandra M. Chandler said Monday. Careful observers will note that no one has committed any "violent acts" yet. Don't let that stop you, though, boys.
No More Moderates I've been joking that if Bush wins re-election, he won't have to worry about appeasing voters in four years, and so that means he can clean out the moderates in his cabinet like John Ashcroft. According to the Boston Globe, the cabinet chumps who plan to leave if Bush wins in November include Ashcroft, Powell, Rumsfeld, Ridge, Feith, and Wolfowitz. Can't wait to see what kind of mutants replace them.
Eventually, Only Hooters Will Have an Airline As I've been saying since 9/11, private airlines simply can't work in the marketplace anymore. United and American are teetering on the verge of bankruptcy, and now Delta has announced plans to file for Chapter 11. How much longer does this go on before we wake up and nationalize airlines like the rest of the world?
Buyer's Remorse, Part 873245 When Arnold Schwarzenegger ran in the undemocratic recall election, he promised that he would never, ever do anything to cut state spending on education and would cut taxes. Guess what: In one fell swoop, he's reneging on both promises, as he's signed into law a bill that eliminates tax breaks for teachers who buy classroom supplies with their own money.
-Consider Arms, Back from El Sur
