TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Enough Vietnam, Already.

Vote for Bush or We Will Destroy You When the civil war in Sierra Leone ended in 2001, the RUF, which had ruthlessly prosecuted one of the most brutal wars in human history, turned into a political party and ran in the UN-supervised elections on the slogan "Only the RUF Can Guarantee Peace." The thinly-veiled subtext was, Vote for the RUF or we'll go back to fighting. With that in mind, here's a story about Vice-President Dick Cheney arguing that if John Kerry wins the election, America will be hit by terrorists even worse than on September 11.

Alan Keyes Gets a Big Endorsement Ah, to be a newspaper reporter in Illinois this year. Alan Keyes, the Maryland resident running against Barack Obama for Senate, has announced that Christ would not vote for Obama, were He a registered voter in the state of Illinois. He also called Obama "a socialist and a liar," and spent one news conference giving an in-depth examination of the word "spanking," somehow tying it in to slavery. This is perhaps the most fun in any Senate campaign in U.S. history.

The Moderate Face of the Republican Party Here's an interesting wrap-up of last week's big GOP hoedown, and the lengths the national media went to in order to portray it as a gathering of moderates. If there had been an equivalent at the Democratic National Convention of Donnie McClurkin, who said that "homosexuals are trying to kill our children," or Sherri Drew, who compared gay marriage to National Socialism (both of whom spoke at the RNC), what would the press have done? I'm guessing they would have collectively shit themselves and talked about how John Kerry was being used by extremists.

But the Saudis are Our Friends! Florida Senator Bob Graham is charging in a new book that the Bush administration covered up evidence that would have shown the Saudi government provided aid to at least two of the 19 hijackers from September 11. Graham is the former chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, so it seems like he's in a position to have credible information on the subject.

Hurray for Bad News! This is pretty hilarious. The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office reported yesterday that the federal budget deficit this year will be $422 billion, the highest it's ever been. But the White House actually says this is good news, because it's less than the $445 billion deficit they expected. That's right: The White House is celebrating news of the largest budget deficit in U.S. history. Weren't the Republicans the party of fiscal responsibility? Truly, we are through the looking-glass.

-Consider Arms