Saturday, September 25, 2004

And Just Like The Prodigal Son I've Returned

It's Like An Urban Legend, But Paid For And Promoted By A National Political Party
The GOP has admitted to sending out campaign literature to Arkansas and West Virginia voters that claims Liberals want to ban the Bible in addition to allowing same-sex marriage. An editorial in West Virginia's Charleton Gazette responed to the mailing with common sense. "Most Americans see morality more complexly," the editorial said. "Many think a higher morality is found in Christ's command to help the needy, prevent war and pursue other humanitarian goals. Churchgoers of this sort aren't likely to believe childish allegations that Democrats want to ban the Bible."

America Takes A Non-Stop Flight To Stupidtown On Tuesday Midwest Airlines cancelled the take off of a plane after a passenger found a note in Farsi inside the in-flight magazine. The plane was grounded, the passengers takn off the plane, all the luggage was checked and all of the passengers were put up in a hotel and left the next morning. Nothing was found, although a spokespeson for the airline divulged that the note was "something of a contemplative nature." Note to all werido foreigners: pray in English or you'll freak us out.

What Would Jesus Do? Go Fag-Bashing. Servant to God and friend to prostitutes, Jimmy Swaggart, apologized for saying during one of his televised worship services (WORSHIP SERVICE!) that he would kill any gay man that looked at him, you know, in THAT way. "I've never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry. And I'm going to be blunt and plain: If one ever looks at me like that, I'm going to kill him and tell God he died." P.S. It's nice to know that while the Virgin Mary spoke to God through an angel and Moses did through a burning bush, Jimmy has a direct line to the Allmighty and can talk to Him directly about his homophobic murderous fantasies.

Buck Up Democrats! You Have The Trekkies On Your Side! "'On the home world, if there had been a contested election between Gore and Bush, the honorable thing would be for Gore to kill Bush,' explained Khraanik (Earth name: Jason Lewis), a 38-year-old from Southeast Portland. 'Or the other way around. And then ascend to the head of the High Council.'"

That Slavery Bullshit Is SO 19th Century
According to a report just released by the Human Rights Center, at any given time about 10,000 people are forced to work against their will in forced labor, mostly in prostitution.

-The Sikh Geek