Throw Transport Down The Well

Well, At Least We're Totally Safe From The COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVIOUS Terrorists An Iraqi man was recently arrested at a Krispy Kreme in Nashville for trying to purchase guns and grenades. Crisco-annointing freak John Ashcrift touted the bust as a demonstration of "our ability to thwart potential threats to our communities before an attack can be carried out." Look at the guy's van, how could you NOT be suspcious of him?


If All The Insurgents Get Married In October, Bush Will Totally Have The War In Iraq Won By The Election In a self-described "precision strike," the US killed at least 12 people that were part of a wedding party, with the groom being counted among the dead. Loyal MLWL readres will mark this as at least the third wedding party attacked by US forces since the war began.

Unsafe In Any Election As Nader supporters complain about unfair treatment, their (and the GOP's) attempt to get Ralph on the ballot is so riddled with fraud and illegality that it cries out for an investigation by 1960s Ralph Nader. In Philly, a judge expects 70% of the ballot signatures for Nader to be illegal. Already, 10,000 of 40,000 signatures have been declared invalid.

Thank God The Pope Didn't Get The Nobel Prize His stance against condoms might have tarnished the good name of the prize, so richly deserved by other Nobel receipients like Kenyan ecologist Wangari Maathai, who recently reiterated her claim that the AIDS virus was deliberately created in a Western lab. "It's true that there are some people who create agents to wipe out other people. If there were no such people, we could have not have invaded Iraq. We invaded Iraq because we believed that Saddam Hussein had made, or was in the process of creating agents of biological warfare. In fact it (the HIV virus) is created by a scientist for biological warfare." The Nobel Prize for Peace hasn't meant much since Kissinger and Arafat won it.

So I Won't Have To Constantly Repeat Myself With New Record Oil Prices Everyday Until We Hit $60 A Barrel

The Trick-Or-Treaters And Osama Bin Laden Will Come Out On Halloween Jaded speculation on a pre-election capture of Osama Bin Laden have already been running high, and they'll only run higher with Bush's brain AKA Karl Rove saying that the BC04 campaign is planning some October "surprises."

Ain't No Party Like A Flip-Flop Party Cause A Flip-Flop Party Don't Stop As any freshman undergrad psych major will tell you, "When someone, like, talks shit about you, it's like, only because they're like ashamed that they, like, do the same thing."

"I Prefer To Be With REAL Americans, In THEIR Private Jets." Be aware of any conservative pundit who tries to sell you on basic, everyday American values and their kinship with the common Heartlander. Whether it's Ann Coulter rich upringing in New Canaan, Connecticut, Rush Limbaugh's multi-multimillion dollar mansion in Florida or Bill O'Reilly's reported annual salary of $4.5 million, it's clear that any talking head who rallies behind a cartoon perception of "the common man" will be anything but common themselves. Case in point, take Sean Hannity (please!) who less than a week before he was scheudled to speak at a Saint Louis university, dropped out of the engagement because the first-class ticket and private jets he was offered weren't to his liking. This from a man who routinely uses the phrase "us common people" and attacks John Kerry for having an "elitist lifestyle." What circle of the Inferno holds the hypocrites MC No Shame?

-The Sikh Geek

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: A Fading Pop Princess of Truth Throwing a Soda of Sarcasm Onto a Papparazzo of Lies.

The Daily Mayhem: Egypt Edition A series of bombs struck resort areas in Egypt's Sinai peninsula today, killing at least 27. No one has claimed responsibility for the bombings, but it seems Islamic terrorists are likely to blame, as the bombings seem like they were aimed at Israeli tourists.

Hot New Post Facto Justification for Iraq War! On Thursday, following the report before Congress of the Iraq Survey Group (i.e. Saddam had no WMD after 1991), Messrs. Bush and Cheney have finally conceded, in the clearest terms yet, that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. But, that doesn't matter anyway, because as it turns out, the REAL reason we went to war in Iraq is because Saddam was skimming money off the top of the UN oil-for-food program! File this under "Unbelievable Bullshit That Will Probably Get Accepted By At Least 40 Percent Of The American Public Anyway."

Bush Family Values No, George W. Bush's daughter Barbara didn't join the secret society Skull and Bones while at Yale (word is that the Bonesmen snubbed her, which would be hilarious if true), but she did join another venerable Yale tradition: the Naked Party! It's exactly what you think, and one more reason why I'm determined to cast my ballot for Bush, so we have a Christian in the White House, along with his drunken, publicly naked daughter.

Our Bad, Yo Patricia Hewitt, the minister for trade and industry in Tony Blair's war cabinet, has made an apology "on behalf of the entire cabinet" for using inaccurate intelligence about non-existent WMD to justify signing on to Bush's crusade in Iraq. But, she says, "I don't think we were wrong to go in." Mmmkay. So, you admit that you went in under false pretenses, that you misled the British public with false information, but you won't actually say it was a mistake to go in. My goodness, how very stiff-upper-lip. Also, bonus points to Tony for hiding behind his trade minister!

Hey, That Wasn't On the Record, Was It? Dov Weisglass, Ariel Sharon's go-between with the Bush administration, admitted this week that Sharon's plan to pull out of the Gaza Strip is a trojan horse aimed at ending the peace process and forestalling a Palestinian state indefinitely. He also said the Bush administration is fully aware of this stratagem. This has infuriated Sharon and the White House, who obviously don't want this sort of unvarnished truthfulness from a government official, and now Weisglass is saying his comments were "take out of context." How out of context can this be: "Effectively, the whole package called the Palestinian state with all that entails has been removed indefinitely from our agenda. And all this with authority and permission all this with a presidential blessing and the ratification of both houses of Congress"?

-Consider Arms

Is That Karl Rove In The Back Of Your Suit, Or Are You Just Happy To Debate? (Salon article here)


Same Story, Different Day After hitting a record high on Wednesday, oil prices hit a new record high on Thursday at $53 a barrel. Oil prices have surged up by 60% this year.

Why On Earth Does The Rest Of The World Think We're Gun-Crazed Lunatics?

If Only The Electorate Was Comprised Of Tenured Economics Professors... "In an informal poll of 100 academics, conducted by The Economist, Mr Bush's policies win low marks. More than 70% of the 56 professors who responded to our survey rate Mr Bush's first-term economic policies as bad or very bad. Fewer than 20% give positive marks to Mr Bush's second-term economic agenda, and almost six out of ten disapproved."

Ann Coulter Wandering Off The Reservation Watch Who forgot about the Coultergeist? As this Media Matters For America article details, MC No Shame's crush is still around and still crazy.
"Usually all you have to do is defend the United States of America. That enrages them (Democrats)."
"I think a baseball bat is the most effective way these days (to talk to liberals)."
"Kerry will improve the economy in the emergency services and body bag industry."
"Oh God, they're so stupid in New York!"

Buck Up America! We May Not Have The Most Tasteless TV In The World Afterall! David Beckham's alleged mistress has found herself in an uproar after jerking off a pig on a British reality show. (Brain-scarring photo after the jump)

-The Sikh Geek
(Check out my other blog, "Florida, The Phallus Of A Nation" here)

Out Of The Woods And Into The Deeper Woods


The True Counsel Of A Christian President Ronald Reagan's personal star-reader and the woman once called "The Astrologer Who Runs the White House," Joyce Jillson, passed away on Friday after complications from kidney failure.

No WMD Stockpiles In Iraq Shocking and hidden information that could have only been gained by listening to CIA, DOD or UN information in early 2003... "Contradicting the main argument for a war that has cost more than 1,000 American lives, the top U.S. arms inspector reported Wednesday that he found no evidence that Iraq produced any weapons of mass destruction after 1991. He also concluded that Saddam Hussein's weapons capability weakened during a dozen years of U.N. sanctions before the U.S. invasion last year."

Late-Seventies Revival Not Limited To Shitty New Wave Acts From Brooklyn W is this season's Jimmy Carter (without the commitment to human rights). In addition to hostages in the Middle East, oil has been hitting a new record high every week. $52 a barrel and counting...

-The Sikh Geek

TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Implausible deniability.

For Some People, Even Cancer Is Too Good Big surprise: E. Howard Hunt is still alive! Not such a big surprise: He's a total bastard even today. Remorseless, scorning regret, the man who botched both the break-in of Daniel Ellsberg's psychiatrist's office and the Watergate burglary is giving interviews on the occasion of his 86th birthday. Elton John recently said that the reason so many people in the world hate America is because of guys like Dennis Miller. I disagree; it's because of guys like E. Howard Hunt. Here is Mr. Hunt's reaction to a question about the Guatamalan civil war touched off by the fascist coup in 1954 that he helped orchestrate, a civil war that involved the massacre of more than 200,000 civilians: "Deaths? What deaths?"

The Daily Mayhem: Pakistan Edition Just days after a Shi'ite mosque was bombed in Pakistan, killing 30, a memorial service for a deceased Sunni militant was also bombed, with at least 40 dead. The leader of a banned Shi'ite organization denies responsibility for the attack, but troops had to be deployed to clear the streets of thousands of Sunnis demanding revenge.

The Daily Mayhem: Haiti Edition The city of Port au Prince has been wracked by violence since militant supporters of ousted President Jean Bertrande Aristide launched "Operation Baghdad," an effort to overthrow the U.S.-backed government that has involved the beheadings of 19 so far. Not noted by the article is that the conflict in Haiti is swiftly taking on the trappings of a religious war, with supporters of Aristide predominantly Catholic and supporters of the U.S.-backed regime - which includes numerous officials from the Duvalier dictatorship - drawing support from charismatic Protestant groups.

I Have Not Supported the Torture of Suspects in at Least a Week Some more flip-flopping from "President" Bush: Although initially the White House supported a bill introduced this month by hapless porker Dennis Hastert (R-Illinois) that would change current laws to allow deportation of suspects to countries that use torture, now Bush has backed off, condemning the bill. This has pissed off Hastert, who notes that the bill was only introduced at the request of the Department of Homeland Security. Ah, the Republican Party: a well-oiled machine, I tells ya!

Actual Americans Alert! A tiny library in tiny Deming, Washington has so far successfully blocked the FBI's attempt to get the names of every patron who took out a book on Osama Bin Laden, citing the privacy rights of everyone who takes out books at the library. I say bravo, but note well: If the FBI had invoked the USA PATRIOT Act to get the records, instead of trying to get them through a grand jury, the library would have no choice but to hand them over.

-Consider Arms