Monday, June 27, 2005

TODAY'S TOP NEWS: Special "Stinging Dissent" Edition

Supreme Court, in 9-0 Decision, Rules that It's Not Ridiculous to Wear Robes to Work The Supreme Court decisions this term have been underwhelming. Or, if it's possible, merely whelming. The New London decision was a disaster; today's don't seem as earth-shaking. The court ruled that courthouses can't have displays of the 10 Commandments (but they can have friezes of Moses, if they're the Supreme Court), but that state capitols can. This is a decision that will please precisely no one. The court also ruled that file-sharing companies are liable for copyright infringement lawsuits, which is a decision that might have pleased King Canute. The court also ruled that Matthew Cooper and Judith Miller do not have the constitutional right not to name their sources before a grand jury, which sets up the delicious (but, in civil liberties terms, unhappy) prospect of Judith Miller going to prison.

Defeating Insurgency Could Take 12 Years, Rumsfeld Says Amidst New Iraqi Carnage Meanwhile, the top U.S. commander in the Middle East expressed frustration that his employers, the American public, are growing weary of this quagmire. "We don't need to fight this war looking over our shoulder worrying about the support back home," Gen. John Abizaid said, in response to polls showing that more than half the country now views the war as a mistake. Meanwhile, the violence has claimed the lives of more than 1,300 people since April 28, with the insurgents seemingly striking at will.

U.S. To Resume Production of Plutonium, First Time Since Cold War But when Iran does it, it's a matter of international concern.

California National Guard Identifies Your Mother As Terrorist Threat A special intelligence unit set up within the California National Guard to spy on citizens it believes could constitute a "terrorist threat" recently was exposed for spying on an anti-war Mother's Day celebration (Mother's Day, incidentally, was originally an anti-war holiday) sponsored by veterans' families and a group called the "Raging Grannies." Although this doesn't exactly strike fear into the depths of my soul, Lt. Stan Zezotarski told the San Jose Mercury News not to be fooled by the outward appearance of these deadly grandmothers: "Who knows who could infiltrate that type of group and try to stir something up? After all, we live in the age of terrorism, so who knows?" Indeed, leaked government reports indicate that there might already be grandmothers afoot in the Muslim world.

U.S. Military Confirms Talks With Iraqi Insurgents Whatever happened to the bankrupt, Ba'athist dead-enders who were on their last legs and feared democracy? Hmm, we must have killed all of them, because these insurgents are merely "representatives of the Sunni community" who seek "an active voice in the national dialogue." And instead of letters to the editor or petitions, they tend to use car bombs.

Life Can Be Tough For the Hitlers of Circleville, Ohio I say, good for them. Seriously: Why let one evil dictator screw up a perfectly good name for everybody else?

Veterans' Healthcare Budget Comes Up $1 Billion Short But the good news is, there's plenty of money for Hummer-related tax breaks!

GOP Senator Hagel: We're Losing the War in Iraq Nonsense. We won the war; it's the police action we're losing.

Cheney Says He Knows Where Bin Laden Is, But 'Weak Links' Forestall Capture "In the chain that you need to successfully wrap up the war on terror, we have some weak links," Vice President Destro said, ominously. "And I find that until we strengthen all the links, we're probably not going to be able to bring Mr. bin Laden to justice." Wait. Since when is he "Mr." Bin Laden? At any rate, if Destro knows where the Evil One is, maybe he can fill in Pervez Musharraf, who says he has "no idea" where Bin Laden is. After all, it's been, like, two weeks since the two of them last played squash together.

Billy Graham: Let Hillary Run the Country Hey, the Republicans got five Supreme Court justices to decide who runs the country; why not Billy Graham?

Schwarzenegger Seeks Truce With Democrats You certainly terminated them, all right, Governor National Shame.

- Consider Arms