TODAY'S TOP NEWS: Nucular War.

World Exclusive: Elaine from Seinfeld Has Opinion Hey, everybody, it's Arianna Huffington's new "group blog" - featuring brilliant sentiments from noted thinkers like Danielle Crittenden, Larry Gelbart, Bill Maher, and Rob Reiner (an unintentionally hilarious piece called "Where Have You Gone Woodward & Bernstein?" that plumbs new depts in celebrity pseudo-solemnity). Wow, what a great addition to the marketplace of ideas. Was there really anyone in the world who thought, "What we need is another self-absorbed, semi-amusing 'riff' from Larry David"?

Hollywood Panics as Good Taste Runs Amok With two dud "blockbusters" in a row ("The Hitchhiker's Guide to Sci-Fi Shit I Didn't Care About Even When I Was 12" and "Swords!" or whatever with the elf from the hobbit movies), Hollywood is looking at its biggest slump in at least five years. Keep it up America; stop going to movies!

A Tale of Two Headlines: Bush Says Georgia Is an Example of Freedom to the World from today's Voice of America, and Georgia: Torture Still Goes Unpunished from an April 13 report by Human Rights Watch. Hey, they could still be an example of freedom to the world; a bad example, but an example nonetheless.

North Korea: U.S. Should Stop "Fussing" Over Possible Nuclear Weapons Test Reports that Kim Jong Il also urged America to stop "a-cussin' and a-feudin'," and to instead begin "a-huggin' and a-lovin'," could not be confirmed at press time.

U.S. 'Playing With Fire' On Drive to Revalue Yuan Maybe we shouldn't piss off the people who own $196.5 billion worth of Treasury securities, keeping interest rates artificially low. Because low interest rates and exuberant consumer spending aren't keeping the economy afloat or anything.

- Consider Arms